Green Wing (2004–2007)
Tamsin Greig: Dr. Caroline Todd
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Please can I have a quick word?
Dr. Macartney : Zoom. Whoosh. There's two for you.
[walks off]
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Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Kissing in the toilet?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Yes... who sang Kissing In The Toilets in 1978?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Er... was it a young George Michael?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Yes.
[leaves]
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Fucking hell, that was a guess!
[sings]
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Kissing in the toilet - don't flush, it's lush...
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Dr. Caroline Todd : How was the interview?
Dr. Macartney : Not sure... think I might have used the words 'job', 'stick', 'up' and 'arse' all in one sentence. Is that a bad thing?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Well I... I think tone of voice is very important.
Dr. Macartney : Is it, is it? Damn. Shit. Excuse me, I have some patients to see.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Boyce, you're friends with Mac and Guy. Who's the biggest scumbag?
Boyce : Guy. Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Guy? Why Guy?
Boyce : He once ethically objected to resuscitating a woman with an A-cup.
Dr. Caroline Todd : An egg cup?
Boyce : No, an A-cup, small puppies. He said it wasn't worth saving less than a handful.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Dear God!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Here's to goats with hooves! May they never fall off the mountain and break their spindly legs!
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Dr. Angela Hunter : What did you do before Alcohol became the centre of your life?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Homework.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : I always thought those kinds of schools were so cruel. You think of these poor kids left in front of those large, cold Victorian buildings with all their luggage, crying.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : That's rubbish because... my school was Edwardian.
Dr. Caroline Todd : They don't know anyone, they don't know where they're supposed to go. What kind of parents would do that to their child?
Dr. Macartney : Guy's.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [at Caroline's housewarming party. Caroline is standing in the doorway saying goodbye to some people. Sue White jumps up to her] Bye, bye, um, thanks for coming. Oh, oh, you were here...? Well, thank you for coming.
Sue White : [she leans in and speaks to Caroline's breasts] Thank you, Dr Trodd, for inviting me to your party...
Dr. Caroline Todd : I didn't know I did, but you were here and now you're going so that's all that matters.
Sue White : [leans in and kisses her passionately]
Dr. Caroline Todd : I've been sick.
Sue White : [with her hands on her own breasts] Well, so have I. And I am completely shaved!
[panting]
Dr. Caroline Todd : Oh, God. Oh, God.
Sue White : Bye-bye then. I'll see you at work, okay?
[sings and skips away]
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Dr. Caroline Todd : I do like him.
Sue White : I see.
Dr. Caroline Todd : In a non-professional way.
Sue White : Ah.
Dr. Caroline Todd : And I work with him every day so...
[Sue makes strange gagging noises]
Dr. Caroline Todd : What?
Sue White : Nothing. It's - er - you work with him every day?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Yeah.
Sue White : Guy?
Dr. Caroline Todd : No.
Sue White : The other one?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Yeah.
Sue White : [close to tears] The - er - the one with the lion's mane?
Dr. Caroline Todd : I - w - yeah.
Sue White : I see. Well, Dr Trod, maybe you've had your chance with him. Maybe it's too late. Maybe someone else deserves to take priority. Maybe you should just STAY AWAY or pay the price. Mmm, mmm? Now maybe you should think about that. You've been warned, lady.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [Final advice to a school tour] Don't get ill. We make you very sleepy and do terrible things to you.
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Dr. Alan Statham : Welcome to the lunatic asylum!
Dr. Caroline Todd : What, "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps"?
Dr. Alan Statham : Well, I don't know about that, although the Trust is an Equal Opportunities Employer so some of the Secretarial Staff might be a bit...
[twirls a finger by his head]
Joanna Clore : [bored of him] Oh, God!
[Drags Carol away]
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Dr. Guilaume Secretan : You should be with someone... less nice!
Dr. Caroline Todd : Go away and think about how little sense that makes.
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Jake : [Carol's dumped him] Well, you did that very well, thank you.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Oh, no, don't be so nice. At least get angry or shout or something.
Jake : No, I'm not going to get angry and shout about BEING STRUNG ALONG BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW THEIR OWN MIND, WHO EVERYONE CAN SEE WHO SHE SHOULD BE WITH BUT HER because shouting never really solves anything, does it?
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [has been interviewing for a lodger] All I've had so far are Psychopaths.
Dr. Angela Hunter : Ah, well, I'm not a Psychopath! HA HA HA HAAA! I'm not!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : That's not what I knew, actually. I just had some frankly weak material about an embarrassing middle name. I didn't know any of that stuff.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Ah.
Dr. Caroline Todd : I do now, though. What a lot of things I know. I'm a walking encyclopedia...
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Dr. Guilaume Secretan : It won't go any further.
Dr. Caroline Todd : I think I may have to kill you.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : What happened the day of the accident?
Dr. Macartney : What accident?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Ooooooh! Bollocking shitbags!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Did you just throw your breast at me?
Sue White : No. Do you want me to?
Dr. Caroline Todd : No.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : I don't think I like your tone tonight, Martin.
Dr. Martin Dear : [looks in other direction] Fuck off.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Aha! Where have you been, aren't you supposed to be back in theatre and I've been looking for you.
Dr. Macartney : Here, no, and well done, you've found me. It's your turn to hide.
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Dr. Macartney : I'm assuming you've taken painkillers?
Dr. Caroline Todd : I want something stronger. I want the stuff you use... to kill people.
Dr. Macartney : Nope, saving all that for Guy.
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Sue White : This is Dr Macartney.
Dr. Macartney : Hi - Mac, call me Mac, hi.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Any relation to...
Dr. Macartney : Ringo Starr? No, actually, but impeccable timing because we're short a pair of hands down on a routine hernia operation.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Go away.
Dr. Macartney : Shan't.
Dr. Caroline Todd : I am such a tit.
Dr. Macartney : Yep. Yep.
Dr. Caroline Todd : You don't have to agree with me.
Dr. Macartney : I was just being polite.
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Dr. Martin Dear : Have you ever thought about having a sexy girlfriend who you'd sleep with?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Nope.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : But what if you were being chased by the hounds, and you knew you had cubs that needed you back at the den?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Well, I'd just move on, find another Supervixen and start again.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Yes, I think you would, wouldn't you? Shall we get going, then?
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Yeah, but that was all hypothetical. Anyway I'm going back for them.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Oh, it's too late for that. The hounds tore them all to shreds!
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : NO! NO! My cubs! My cubs! Dead! How could this happen! AHHH!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Will you please stop eating the patient?
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Do you want to come round my gaff?
Dr. Macartney : Ooh, sounds rude.
Dr. Caroline Todd : It's not rude.
Dr. Macartney : I'm not coming if it's not rude.
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Dr. Alan Statham : [Carol has a bandage from Mac knocking her out] Ah, I see you're in on Boyce's little joke!
[taps her forehead]
Dr. Caroline Todd : OW!
Dr. Alan Statham : Oh, I'm not as green as people who were born yesterday.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [hit on the head] I know I keep saying this, but I'll never drink again.
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Director : She is wasted, here!
Dr. Caroline Todd : Yes, all those vodka shots first thing in the morning.
Director : It's so rare you find someone like that. Face, yes. Voice, yes. Body, yes.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Yes, so rare to find someone with all three!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : You said you had a Spare Room, that was a lie!
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : I have a Spore Room! I collect Spores from around the World.
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Sue White : [lying on her desk, floating a ping pong ball with a straw]
Dr. Caroline Todd : Sorry, is this a bad time?
Sue White : [gets up] No, no, I'm here to soothe, I'm here to bathe, I'm here to listen to the worker's woes.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : How do you feel?
Dr. Macartney : Really tired.
Dr. Caroline Todd : That's perfectly normal, you're a Doctor.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Why doesn't he remember that for fifteen minutes we were... in love?
Neurosurgeon : Please, let go of my lapels! It's a transient phenomenon, retrograde amnesia after a head trauma, he should be back to normal in three weeks. Wow, fifteen minutes? So, it's the real thing, then?
Dr. Caroline Todd : Shut up. We had build-up too.
Neurosurgeon : Ooh! "Build-up". Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to pee...
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [on mobile to locksmith] I'm a Doctor. I'm starting a new job at 8.30 at a Hospital. I'm dirty and exhausted and people could die and it'll be your fault!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : I don't know, I think I'd quite like to have a husband. He could shake the spiders from my shoes.
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Flying Cat : Mreow!
Dr. Caroline Todd : Where did you come from?
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [pranked] I've just seen the face of Jesus.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [Party] There are some Neurologists over there who might be able to help you!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : I'm stooping down so I don't accidentally put on the Hangover Hat that's hanging over me.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Jake's so positive. He says "Love like you've never been hurt, Work like you don't need the Money, and Dance like no-one's watching." I like that.
Dr. Martin Dear : Yeah, Dance like no-one's watching!
[Silly Dance]
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [Lays down beside Mac in his Coma. Hastily sits down again when someone walks in]
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Dr Caroline Secretan... Dr Caroline Secretan... Hi, yeah, I'm Dr Secretan!
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Dr. Macartney : I don't know what to say.
Dr. Caroline Todd : I think that's a first.
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Dr. Macartney : [post-Coma] What an interesting thing to say say.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Okay, now I'm getting scared.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Oh yeah! You really got me now! You got me so I don't know what I'm doing! Oh yeah! You really got me now! You got me so I can't slee-eep at night!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Did I just see you come?
Dr. Angela Hunter : No, I think I just missed it.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Look, Mr Questions...
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Angela's been sold into porn slavery in Canada.
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Colleague!
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Dr. Guilaume Secretan : [Deleted scene] I don't know, I'm not a Psychologist!
Dr. Caroline Todd : Me neither, but I know a big heap of steaming bullshit when I see it!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : [Puts a CD on because she can't really play the Flute]
