Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
Eric Chase Anderson: Kristofferson
[Coach Skip is teaching Kristofferson the rules of Whackbat]
Coach Skip : Basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig runners, and a player at Whackbat. Center tagger lights a pine cone and chucks it over the basket and the whack-batter tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross rock. Then the twig runners dash back and forth until the pine cone burns out and the umpire calls hotbox. Finally, you count up however many score-downs it adds up to and divide that by nine.
Kristofferson : Got it.
Beaver's Son : [lays down a box of supplies during a Science lab class] Why's your cousin such a wet sandwich?
Kristofferson : I beg your pardon?
Beaver's Son : What's that mean?
Kristofferson : That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?
Beaver's Son : Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's
[makes a motion with his hands]
Beaver's Son : different.
Kristofferson : Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.
Beaver's Son : Watch this.
[he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance]
Kristofferson : That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.
[they raise their safety goggles]
Kristofferson : Stand back.
[Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher]
Agnes : [watching from a few feet away] Wow.
Kristofferson : [whistles] Whew!
Agnes : [to Kris] Hmm. I like your ears.
[gestures to her own]
Kristofferson : M... Mine?
Agnes : Mmhmm.
Kristofferson : Thank you! I like your... spots.
Agnes : Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...
Ash : Ugh.
Agnes : Hmm?
Ash : You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.
Agnes : I am!
Ash : No you're not. You're disloyal.
Beaver's Son : We don't like you and we hate your dad. Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.
Ash : I'm not gonna eat mud!
Beaver's Son : Cuss yeah you are.
[he picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further]
Kristofferson : [takes off his shoes] Don't do that.
Beaver's Son : Why'd you take your shoes off?
Kristofferson : So I don't break your nose when I kick it.
[he proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown in the mud. Beaver's son walks away quietly sobbing]
Ash : I can fight my own fights.
Kristofferson : [turns to Ash] No you can't...
Ash : [Mr. Fox has just lost his tail in the shooting] It'll grow back, won't it?
Kylie : Tails don't grow back.
Ash : Tails don't grow back?
Kylie : Uh-uh. 'Cept for lizards.
Mr. Fox : Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.
Ash : Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just a...
Kristofferson : [ricochets an acorn around the room, which lands in the teacup he is holding] Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.
Mrs. Fox : [to Ash] You have got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology.
Ash : Me? ME have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's MY bandit hat? Why didn't I get shot at? It's because, you... you... you think I'm no good at anything! Well, maybe you're right, thanks.
[stomps away angrily and slams door upon exit]
Kylie : [to Mr. Fox] Told ya not to bring him.
Ash : Can I ask you a question?
Kristofferson : You may.
Ash : What's the point of sitting on the floor with your legs twisted into a pretzel talking to yourself for an hour and forty-five minutes? It's - it's weird.
Kristofferson : My father and I first started practicing meditation together when I was...
Ash : Yeah? Well, that's great. But I worry more about what that does for your reputation than whether or not you have beagle ticks or not.
Kristofferson : I don't. Nor pelt lice.
Kristofferson : Divide that by nine please!
Kristofferson : Uh, do you mind if I slide my bed roll slightly out from under the train set? It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position.
Ash : [in the top bunk] There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one.
Kristofferson : No, it's only just my spinal cord getting...
Ash : Sleep wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed! I'll just uh... I'll crawl under the bookcase! Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?
Kristofferson : Never mind.
Ash : Oh, you gonna pout about it? 'Cuz I've had it up to HERE
[gestures with his hand]
Ash : with the "sad houseguest" routine.
[Ash turns off the light and continues to read his White Cape comic in bed]
Kristofferson : Good night.
[he lies down under the train set and begins to quietly sob; Ash comes down, turns on the train, Kris gets up and they watch it]