- Jacob: Did you know that Jesus was a black man?
- La Religious Girl: Excuse me?
- Jacob: Oh, yeah. Hair like wool, skin like bronze. It's in your Bible. Jesus probably looked more like Ike Turner, but without that "I'm gonna beat ya, woman" look in his eyes.
- Lizzie: I fantasize about finding a man who doesn't blame my moods on my cycle!
- Le Creepy Guy: I fantasize about the Olsen Twins goin' down on me.