Land of the Lost (2009)
Will Ferrell: Dr. Rick Marshall
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Rick Marshall : This is for you. I signed it.
[hands his book to Matt Lauer]
Dr. Rick Marshall : You're supposed to say the title and the publisher.
Matt Lauer : That's not gonna happen.
Dr. Rick Marshall : Just say it.
Matt Lauer : No.
Dr. Rick Marshall : Just say the damn title.
Matt Lauer : Fine.
[shows book to TV audience]
Matt Lauer : 'Matt Lauer Can Suck It' by Dr. Rick Marshall.
Dr. Rick Marshall : I was so surprised that your attorney signed off on that. I was like, "Are you sure? Is this gonna be okay?" He said, "Yeah, go for it."
Matt Lauer : Son of a bitch.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.
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[Inside Dr. Marshall's office, there is knocking at the door]
Dr. Rick Marshall : [groans]
Holly Cantrell : Dr. Marshall?
[Opens the door and sees Marshall lying on the floor surrounded by wrappers of junk food]
Holly Cantrell : Oh God! Are you alright?
[Helps him up from the ground and lays him against a cabinet]
Holly Cantrell : Hey, up you get. Here, just lean against...
[Struggling the keep him up, he spits out a piece of food from his mouth]
Holly Cantrell : Oh dear.
Dr. Rick Marshall : I'm fine. I'm okay, I just... worked late. Then, I got hungry and I... had several meals and lapsed into a food coma. I've had issues with food in the past. I don't know, you know, just with the stress with everything I just over did it... but I'm in control. Now, I don't have to go back to Phoenix.
Holly Cantrell : I just wanted, I wanted to um, come apologize for yesterday Michael. My behavior was just...
[she stares in shock as finds Marshall's completely built Tachyon Amplifier]
Dr. Rick Marshall : No, no, no.
Holly Cantrell : You've finished the Tachyon Amplifier!
Dr. Rick Marshall : No, no, I mean yes. I, I don't know, I finished building it, yes, but... I didn't have the nerve to test it out. So, I thought a trip to Arby's might give me some courage, but no dice.
[Sticks an old fry in his mouth]
Dr. Rick Marshall : Then, I hit Popeye's, Del Taco. 14,000 calories later, I found myself down at Subway... powering through a 12 inch veggie on whole wheat babbling to a cut-out of Jared. Still didn't give me the strength to turn that thing on. I'm a coward.
Holly Cantrell : You are not a coward, you're a visionary. This is probably the greatest work of genius in the last hundred years.
[Turns on the amplifier to the music of A Chorus Line singing I Hope I Get It; Turns it off]
Holly Cantrell : Is that A Chorus Line?
Dr. Rick Marshall : It, it's left over data from the drive. What a piece of crap!
[Slams foot against desk shaking the amplifier on for a second]
Dr. Rick Marshall : The machine, I mean, not A Chorus Line. I love showtunes, they really tell the story of the human condition.
Holly Cantrell : It's a bit gay.
Dr. Rick Marshall : It IS great.
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Will Stanton : [on the rocks, to Rick] You ever get tired of being wrong?
Dr. Rick Marshall : [being chased by the T-Rex] I do! I really do!
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[after Marshall storms off the stage of "Today"]
Matt Lauer : That was my guest, Dr. Rick Marshall
Dr. Rick Marshall : [offscreen] You're God damn right it was!
Matt Lauer : His new book arrives tomorrow. You might want to look for it in the "I'm out of my freaking mind" department.
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Holly Cantrell : What are you eating?
Dr. Rick Marshall : It's a donut stuffed with M&Ms. That way, when you've finished the donut, you don't have to eat any M&Ms.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : Field rations are running dangerously low. Thusly, I've made the determination that, if need be, if faced with starvation, we will cook and eat Chaka. I've been thinking about this a lot, actually. If Chaka meat were the secret ingredient on Iron Chef, I'm sure Bobby Flay would probably serve it with roasted red peppers and a dash of cumin and a braised polenta. It wouldn't be an easy thing to do, but if you slow roast the little guy, I'm sure that Chaka meat would just fall right off the bone.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : [after realizing he was right all along] Matt Lauer can suck it!
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[Will and Holly can smell dinosaur dung on Rick]
Dr. Rick Marshall : Would you grow up?
Holly Cantrell : Oh, my God!
Dr. Rick Marshall : Yes, he pooped me out!
Will Stanton : And now you guys are friends?
Dr. Rick Marshall : While I was snaking my way through his bowels, I don't know, I... I must have dislodged some sort of intestinal blockage. And, yes, he's in a much better mood now. So can we move on? I would really like to go home.
Will Stanton : You were deuced out by a dinosaur. That is incredibly cool.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : Thank God for that. That one was peering into my soul.
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Enik : Thank Vinok you've come to my aid, Rick Marshall.
Dr. Rick Marshall : You know me?
Enik : Of course. Even in the farthest reaches of the universe, we have seen your Matt Lauer video.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : I wrestled at Purdue.
Enik : J.V.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : Captain Kirk's nipples!
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Ernie : Hey! Where's Will?
Dr. Rick Marshall : He went to a better place.
Ernie : You killed him?
Dr. Rick Marshall : No.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : [Upon seeing a pterosaur make off with the tachyon amplifier] Oh, that blows. That buh-lows.
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[Rick Marshall on the Today Show talking about his new scientific discovery]
Dr. Rick Marshall : It boils down to two simple words.
Matt Lauer : Renewable biofuels.
Dr. Rick Marshall : Close. Time warps.
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Dr. Rick Marshall : It's beautiful! Ahhhhhhh...!
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Dr. Rick Marshall : Well done. You just gave murderous primatives the power of fire!
