- Sally Solomon: You know, cars must have a huge power we haven't discovered yet. Look at this: the line, the waiting, the testing...
- Harry Solomon: Can you imagine what you must have to go through to get a gun?
- Tommy Solomon: [having a bad day as an adolescent] As the oldest member of this crew, I feel it's my duty to inform you all that this planet both wipes and sucks! In that order.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What is your problem?
- Tommy Solomon: Something's wrong. My transfer's not holding. I'm growin' hair and my armpits smell and there's a constant circus in my pants.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [Dick can't ignore the enormous mole on Dr Byron's forehead] You know, you really should have that thing removed. It's all I can look at.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: The truth is, you're delightful. I love looking at you. I don't know what it is about tonight. Maybe it's the wine, maybe it's the way the light hits your eyes. But you look puffy. You should go home and sleep.
- [pause]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Is that better?
- Dr. Mary Albright: Sadly, yes.
- Tommy Solomon: [complaining to Mrs. Dubcek] You know, it's really not fair. I can grow a pimple, but not a moustache. What's your secret?
- Harry Solomon: [everyone is in the car, sharing a bucket of fried chicken] You know, if someone had told me a year ago that I'd be driving a car and sucking the flesh off a dead bird, I'd have called them a liar.
- Nina Campbell: I knew you had a thing for her!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Yes, but I understand I'm not allowed to show it to her without her permission.
- Dr. Mary Albright: [outraged at Dick's behavior when he substituted for her at a faculty meeting] All you had to do was show up and feign interest.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Feign? I will not be a party to feigning. I always tell the complete truth.
- Dr. Mary Albright: Truth? Then I will be *brutally* frank.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Good. I'll be Genuine Dick.
- Campus Cop: Is there a problem?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Yes, there's a star missing
- [Solomons all point towards the sky]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: We think we know who did it.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: You see, lying accomplishes NOTHING! Somebody tricks you into substituting, you make a fool of yourself and your sister can't get a driver's license!
- Pitman: Dr. Solomon, is this going to be on the final?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: As Einstein once said,
- [starts speaking German]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: . Any thoughts on that?
- [Puzzled silence from the class]
- Caryn: Dr. Solomon, I think you were speaking German.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Yes, German. Einstein spoke German.
- [Looks around in disdain]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh, fine, I'll simplify!
- Sally Solomon: Oh, my God, Dick! What if this lying thing gets into the hands of the politicians?
- Harry Solomon: What a horrifying thought!