Francine Smith: You quit your job!
Stan Smith: Francine I have a chance to join the Scarlet Alliance.
Francine Smith: You mean you haven't got the job yet!
Stan Smith: Francine I'm going to be rich in adventure
Francine Smith: Rich in adventure!
[Pretends to be on the phone]
Francine Smith: Hello MasterCard do you take payment in the form of adventure, hello colleges I'd like to pay my son's tuition, I don't have any money but my husband is rich in adventure!
Stan Smith: Well what'd they say.
Francine Smith: [after finding out Stan's been lying about his father] I can't believe you lied to me all these years.
Stan Smith: And the best part is I'm still lying about a bunch of other stuff!
Roger the Alien: Um... yeah. Could somebody tell Snake Pliskin here to back off?
Jack: Now son, breaking in to a safe is like making love to a woman.
Stan Smith: So, we should just pound on it for like two minutes?
Jack: [after Stan discovers his dad is a jewel thief, one-eyed Jack locks Stan in a cage so he can't turn him in] Sorry son, but I can't go to prison. Do you have any idea what they'd do to my eye socket in there?
Francine Smith: You're the richest guy in the world because you have an adoring wife and a loving family.
Stan Smith: I'm the richest
[pretending to be on his cell phone]
Stan Smith: Hello Bill Gates turns out I'm the richest guy in the world because I have an adoring wife and a loving family , hello UNICEF
Francine Smith: I get it.
Stan Smith: I'd like to donate some of my immense riches, you mean children are still starving in Africa because wife love is worthless to you!
Francine Smith: Oh, Stan, you're probably just having a midlife crisis. Do you wanna cheat on me?
Stan Smith: A mistress on my salary, Francine? Come on!
Avery Bullock: We've located an al-Qaeda cell camped out in the desert of Algeria.
Stan Smith: Are they planning an attack?
Avery Bullock: No, they're just on a camping trip.
Stan Smith: Those s'mores-making bastards!
Newspaper Headline: Scientist Discovers Wife Cheating
Francine Smith: What kind of man abandons his family for 20 years?
Stan Smith: The manliest man, he'll do you right, seriously? you should be having sex with him, I don't think he's asleep, I can get him for you
Hayley Smith: So, you're a despicable CIA fascist like my father.
Jack: No, dollface, I work for the Scarlet Alliance. It's more secret, more deadly, and everyone wears a turtleneck.
Klaus: Sounds like a disco I used to frequent in Berlin. I did lines with Falco in the men's room. Greedy, greedy Falco.
Stan Smith: I can't believe you would choose being a jewel thief over the two most important things, being a spy and your son's love.
Jack: [pretending to be on the phone] Hello French Riviera can I buy a shato with my sons love?
Stan Smith: Yes, yes, we've all heard the bit.