- The Calico Kid: Nobody laughs at the Caolico Kid and lives!
- Marshal Sam Best: Kid, you wouldn't harm children?
- The Calico Kid: No... but I memorized their faces and when they grow up, look out. I'm just gonna let 'em stew for a few years.
- Mrs. Hanratty: Well Mr. Calico, that makes four correct and four incorrect. This is your last question. You know what that means...
- The Calico Kid: No, I said I was bad at numbers.
- Mrs. Hanratty: It means you must answer this correctly or you'll fail the test.
- The Calico Kid: What's the subject?
- Mrs. Hanratty: Mathematics.
- The Calico Kid: As I was saying, my life has really changed. In fact, I'm getting married, next week, and I want you all to come to the wedding. You'll be the only guests, so I hope you'll be there.
- The Calico Kid: [reciting in class] How I spent my weekend. Saturday, I hurt some people. Sunday, I rested.
- Mrs. Hanratty: Thank you, Calico Kid.
- The Calico Kid: Oh! Sunday night I got so full of rotgut, it was comin' outta my ears.
- [the class laughs at this]
- The Calico Kid: I was a mess. I was down on my hands and knees lookin' for the floor.
- [more laughter]