Sam Malone: I got you a very, very special gift, my friend.
Norm Peterson: More special than a free beer?
Sam Malone: Yeah, come here.
Norm Peterson: Is it a keg and a snorkel?
Cliff Clavin: Normie.
Norm Peterson: Yeah?
Cliff Clavin: Even though I chipped in for the beer with the guys, I also got you a special little gift.
Norm Peterson: Oh yeah. What's that?
Cliff Clavin: Well, I did some research on the historical significance of birthdays - uncovered a lot of interesting facts, and, uh... I'm not going to share them with you. Happy birthday, big guy!
Woody Boyd: Dr. Crane. Can you help me with something?
Dr. Frasier Crane: Of course, Woody.
Woody Boyd: You know, yesterday was mine and Kelly's third anniversary of going steady, and I gave her a dinky keychain, so she goes and gives me this three hundred dollar camera. So my problem is...
Dr. Frasier Crane: Say no more about it, Woody. If I were you, I wouldn't let Kelly's fine present cause you any guilt. After all, she comes from a very priviledged background, while you're an unsophisticated working man with nary two dimes to rub together. You know, these kinds of relationships rarely make through a third year.
Woody Boyd: Actually, I just wanted to know how to work the automatic flash. But now, I just want to go some place and cry.
Norm Peterson: What a birthday, huh? A free beer, a Celtics jacket from Kevin McHale, and Sammy wiping out my bar tab.
Sam Malone: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't say anything about wiping out a bar tab.
Norm Peterson: [with mock sarcasm] Well, happy birthday to me.
[the gang is talking about Kevin McHale's obsession with bar trivia, Carla who is blaming Norm and Cliff in particular]
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You're like vampires - big butted, do-nothing vampires. And now you're trying to make Kevin one of your recruits. Well, I say it's got to stop. I'm not going to let you screw up his career.
Sam Malone: Come on. Lighten up, will ya. It's just Kevin's getting a little carried away with bolts, that's all.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Yeah, sure Sammy. Today it's how many bolts are in the floor. Tomorrow, they'll have him onto if the Brady Bunch crashes in the Andes, who's going to eat who first.
Woody Boyd: They'll probably eat the maid cause she ain't kin.
Cliff Clavin: Well, you know but if they're smart, they'll ask her first how she should best prepare herself.
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: [Lilith walks in from the ladies' room and gets her coat from one of the chairs] Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab.
Rebecca Howe: Aren't you going to get your hair done for that?
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: Why on earth should I?
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Well, at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean if that baby goes, we're all dead.
Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane: That hardly seems just coming from a woman whose hair hasn't seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.
Carla Tortelli-LeBec: Watch it, babe!
[Lilith and Carla Face off]