- Sophia Petrillo: I've got a bubble.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Why're you holding your chest?
- Sophia Petrillo: The bubble is in my chest.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: What do you mean you have a bubble? Is it pain?
- Sophia Petrillo: If it was pain I'd call it pain, I have a bubble.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Blanche, do you know what a bubble is?
- Blanche Devereaux: [shows her ring] I know what a bauble is.
- Sophia Petrillo: Oh! Oh!
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: What is it, Ma?
- Sophia Petrillo: Pain!
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: What kind of pain?
- Sophia Petrillo: The kind that hurts!
- Blanche Devereaux: What do you want to be, buried or cremated?
- Rose Nylund: Neither.
- Blanche Devereaux: What do you want to be, flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
- Sophia Petrillo: It's funny, you think you're dying, you feel death enter your body, a doctor comes, he says you're fine, you're ready to swim the English Chanel.
- Dr. Harris: What's this, Sophia? I hear we're not feeling well.
- Sophia Petrillo: We? What are you, a partner in this?
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: I knew this woman who went to Paris, went out to eat and she just had watercrest, because you know she didn't want to gain weight. And when she left, this gargoyle fell off the roof, hit her on the head and killed her! And just look at what her last meal was.
- Blanche Devereaux: That's horrible, here, eat up.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Of course it'll be just my luck, I'll eat, I'll gain 40 pounds and I'll live to be 90.
- Rose Nylund: Me too, I'm as healthy as a horse, unfortunately I'll wind up looking like one.
- Sophia Petrillo: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
- Dr. Harris: Pain, Sophia?
- Sophia Petrillo: No, I'm singing rock and roll, of course it's pain.
- Sophia Petrillo: [the girls hover over Sophia while she sleeps, she wakes up] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [the girls jump back] What, Ma, what?
- Sophia Petrillo: What? You're standing over me with pores like that, I think I'm on the moon.
- Rose Nylund: [Discussing her how her husband Charlie died] He was all dressed when the paramedics got there.
- Sophia Petrillo: Didn't Aunt Teresa die of a heart attack?
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Aunt Teresa didn't have a heart.
- Sophia Petrillo: Uncle Nunzio?
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Uncle Nunzio died to get away from Aunt Teresa.
- Sophia Petrillo: My mother die of old age, and my father fell off a donkey. So we got healthy hearts in our family.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Very, very healthy.
- Sophia Petrillo: That's good.
- Rose Nylund: Maybe it's not a heart attack.
- Blanche Devereaux: She's 80 years old, Rose, at 80 something's got to go.
- Rose Nylund: Not necessarily, my grandparents all lived until their 90s, one was 102.
- Blanche Devereaux: In Minnesota, Rose.
- Rose Nylund: So?
- Blanche Devereaux: You know how they freeze dead and bring them back? That's like living in Minnesota. The cold slows down the aging process.