- Dr. Meredith Grey: There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your family. You take what the fates hand you. And like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not, you cope. Then there's the school of thought that says the family you're born into is simply a starting point. They feed you, and clothe you, and take care of you, until you're ready to go out into the world and find your tribe.
- Dr. Alex Karev: Why are you helping me after what I did?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Because it's what JESUS would FREAKIN' Do!
- Dr. Cristina Yang: [to Justin] So I'm just saying... I think you should decide to live. Live so you can become a doctor, and you can find a way to do heart transplants without someone having to die. Or, live so you can grow up and have kids and... Raise them not to believe in Santa. That would piss your mom off. Just decide to live. Because in your case? Dying really isn't the best revenge.
- Dr. Preston Burke: I believe there's a mind-body-spirit connection. And if Justin really doesn't want this heart, his body will reject it.
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Okay, let me get this straight. You don't just celebrate Christmas... you actually believe in Santa Claus?
- [Bailey who is pregnant, is rubbing her stomach and has labored breaths as she walks through the halls of the hospital. The interns are talking as they follow her]
- Dr. George O'Malley: Look at her belly. She's almost as wide as she is tall.
- Dr. Meredith Grey: Are her ankles swollen? Is that why she's waddling?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: What's gonna happen to us when she goes on leave?
- Dr. Cristina Yang: She's going on leave?
- Dr. Meredith Grey: What do you think happens when people push babies out of their vagina?
- [George laughs]
- Dr. George O'Malley: Do you think we're going to get a new resident?
- Dr. Alex Karev: Nah. They'll probably just let us wander around unattended. See how much damage we can do.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Yeah, well, you would know.
- [Enthusiastic]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Hey, guys, we should all get together and get Bailey a Christmas gift for the baby, or we could, um, organize some sort of Secret Santa thing.
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Okay, listen Tiny Tim, you can take your...
- [George and Meredith move in next to each other to block Cristina from Izzie]
- Dr. George O'Malley: Sounds great.
- Dr. Meredith Grey: Secret Santa sounds great, Izzie.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Okay.
- [turns around and leaves]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Cristina has an appalled look on her face]
- Dr. Meredith Grey: We're being supportive.
- [Room is filled with noisy children, playing, which continues throughout the scene]
- Dr. Meredith Grey: Tim Epstein, 38, fell off the roof of his house.
- [One of his children is sitting on him, sticking a fake lizard to his forehead]
- Tim Epstein: I was, uh, stringing Hanumas lights and a shingle came loose.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Hanumas?
- Tim Epstein: Hanumas. Christmukkah. We go all out.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Smiling] Awesome.
- Mrs. Epstein: He fell twelve feet.
- Tim Epstein: The good news is, my head broke my fall.
- [One of the children flings a fake lizard, which hits Derek in the face, who smiles in surprise]
- Dr. Meredith Grey: Uh, there are no visible deformities, but he's definitely having some focal left arm weakness.
- Mrs. Epstein: He'll probably be fine. He's always been a little hard-headed.
- [Tim laughs, but seems to be in pain]
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: Does your head hurt when you laugh?
- Tim Epstein: Is that a bad thing?
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: Do you wanna follow my finger with your eyes, please?
- Jake Epstein: [to Bailey] I know karate.
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Flustered] Hmm? Uh... You know, your husband might need a little, uh, quiet, so, there's a cafeteria right down the...
- Tim Epstein: No, no. Whoa. Let 'em stay. Pain or no, I don't wanna miss out on the holidays with my kids.
- [Izzie is playing with the kids]
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: Who would like to take Mr., uhm, Epstein down for a CT?
- [Izzie's hand shoots up]
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: Stevens it is.
- [Izzie grins]
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: [Bailey walks up to the Chief who is surveying the OR board]
- Dr. Richard Webber: Anxiety attacks, aneurysms and ulcers.
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Must be December.
- Patricia: Chief, Adele just called.
- Dr. Richard Webber: Tell her I'm in...
- Patricia: She knows your not in surgery. And she said to tell you, quote, "We are going to our niece's school pageant this morning. You have known about it for months. And after what you pulled on Thanksgiving..." and then she, started using a great many words I don't feel comfortable repeating.
- Dr. Richard Webber: But I have seven surgeons on vacation...
- Patricia: And there was something about "divorce".
- Dr. Richard Webber: [to Dr. Bailey] You'll have to cover my ulcer excision.
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Yes, sir.
- [Chief and Patricia are walking away]
- Dr. Richard Webber: The woman is unreasonable. When did watching a six-year-old dressed up like a wise man become... You couldn't hang up the phone?
- Dr. Meredith Grey: I got another one for you.
- [hands a chart to Dr. Bailey]
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: He tried to gift wrap a 70-inch TV for his wife?
- Dr. George O'Malley: Hernia?
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Strangulated. Pretty ugly.
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: And you just know the wife hates TV.
- [Alex is mock-examining Cristina, and is basically fondling her chest]
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Okay, the way you're grabbing me now, that's assault.
- [Straightens out his fingers]
- Dr. Cristina Yang: This... is an exam. Pads.
- [Moves his hand on her chest properly]
- Dr. George O'Malley: [George walks in] What... What the hell? Does Izzie know... Does Burke know about this?
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Unbunch your panties, George. We're helping Alex study.
- [to Alex]
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Do it.
- [Alex continues examining her chest]
- Dr. George O'Malley: I can't hear you when his hand is on your boob.
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Take your hand off my boob, Alex.
- [Alex moves his hand off her chest]
- Dr. George O'Malley: Thank you. Study for what?
- Dr. Alex Karev: Shut it, Yang.
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Alex failed his boards.
- Dr. George O'Malley: Seriously?
- Dr. Alex Karev: I failed one part of one board. That's it.
- Dr. George O'Malley: Still, that's pretty embarrassing.
- [Stifles a laugh]
- Dr. Cristina Yang: [Cristina's pager beeps] Hey, he's all yours, Georgie. Do your worst.
- [Cristina leaves]
- Dr. George O'Malley: You're not giving me a rectal. Do not ask me to cough.
- [Dr. Bailey, who is pregnant, is in the OR]
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Do not kick me.
- Dr. George O'Malley: Excuse me?
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Are you kicking me under the table, O'Malley?
- Dr. George O'Malley: No!
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Then clearly, I wasn't talkin' to you.
- [Dr. Bailey groans, steps back from the operating table]
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Talking to her stomach] You cannot kick me while I'm doing my job.
- [Massages a spot on her stomach, Meredith and George just look at her]
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: [pauses] Thank you.
- [Goes back to the operating table, and resumes the surgery]
- [Izzie walks up to Alex, who is sleeping, and slaps him]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Wake up.
- [Alex lifts his head up]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: God. No wonder you failed your boards. What, do you expect to learn this stuff by osmosis?
- Dr. Alex Karev: What are you doing here?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [sighs] I'm a farmer, okay? I've been drooling, puking, and crapping in my pants.
- Dr. Alex Karev: You came here to help me study?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Well, I'm not actually crapping my pants now, am I?
- Dr. Alex Karev: Why would you want to help me after what I did?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Because, it's what JESUS, would freaking do!
- Jimmy Shelton: How is she?
- Nadia's Mother: Is she gonna be alright?
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: She lost a lot of blood, but we were able to replace it and repair the tear. She's going to require several days' observation, but she should make a full recovery.
- Jimmy Shelton: Thank God.
- Nadia's Mother: Thank God is right, because we're certainly not gonna thank you. We should sue you for all you're worth. We sat here, and sat here, and sat here, and sat here...
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Quietly to George] You wanna help me out?
- Dr. George O'Malley: [Quietly to Bailey] Really?
- Nadia's Mother: And sat here, and watched you take patient after patient...
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: [Quietly to George] You got your second chance, just don't screw it up.
- Nadia's Mother: ...And made my daughter wait for three whole days for her operation. I should sue you and this whole damned hospital!
- Dr. George O'Malley: Okay, yeah. You could sue us, or you could consider the possibility of just shutting the hell up.
- Nadia's Mother: What did you just say to me? Did you hear what he just...
- Ernie: I heard him!
- Josh Shelton: You can't talk to an old lady like that.
- Nadia's Mother: Where is my daughter? I'd like to see her.
- Dr. George O'Malley: Well you can't. I'm her doctor, she is my patient, and this is a hospital, which is the kind of place where people could generally use a little peace and quiet. So, no. Right now, you can't see her. And I am not saying this because you threatened to sue Dr. Bailey, who spent the last several hours saving your daughter's life, saving your wife's life. I am saying this because she is my patient and she is the recovery wing of this hospital trying to recover, and visiting hours are over. So, good night. And, Merry Christmas.
- [Walks away]
- Dr. George O'Malley: [Bailey, with her arms folded, stares down the family]
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Interns. Too emotional. Apologies.
- [Leaves]
- Dr. Alex Karev: Uh... Is the nausea constant or intermittent?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Constant.
- Dr. Alex Karev: When... When did it first start?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [sighs] After I worked in the fields all day.
- Dr. Alex Karev: Do you have any allergies you're aware of?
- [Izzie has started to cry, shakes her head]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: No.
- [Sobs]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Alex sits down next to Izzie]
- Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie... I never wanted to hurt you.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: [Through tears] You didn't hurt me. I don't even know you, I'm a farmer.
- Dr. Alex Karev: You're still the patient?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: What does it look like?
- [Continues crying, sobbing]
- Dr. Alex Karev: It's organophosphates. Pesticide poisoning.
- [Izzie nods]
- Dr. Alex Karev: Crying's a symptom. That's it, right?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Right.
- [Still crying]
- [George is helping Alex study]
- Dr. George O'Malley: [In a bizzare accent] My throat, it's like, wicked sore, yo. Plus, I got all these sick break outs, right?
- Dr. Alex Karev: Dude, seriously.
- [George gets up to leave]
- Dr. Alex Karev: Alright, alright! Sit down, sit down.
- [George comes back]
- Dr. Alex Karev: Open up your mouth, I'd like to inspect your tonsils.
- [Alex shines a pen light into George's mouth as he sticks his tongue out]
- Dr. George O'Malley: [Sticking his tongue out] Aaaa!
- [Izzie walks in]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: What's wrong with you? Are you sick?
- Dr. George O'Malley: Fake sick.
- [Izzie just looks confused]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: I failed my practical board exam. O'Malley's helping me study.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: You failed your...
- [Angrily]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: You're helping him?
- Dr. George O'Malley: Just to study. Nothing else.
- Dr. Alex Karev: Izzie...
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: No, you don't get to say my name! And you are unbelievable!
- [Walks out]
- Dr. George O'Malley: [as he runs after Izzie] I was doing mono, the whole fever and the glands thing. The acne, was just part of the teenager thing.
- Dr. George O'Malley: [Following Izzie up a staircase] Izzie, would you, wait?
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: I say I like the guy, and you can't stop hating him.
- Dr. George O'Malley: Izzie...
- [Still following her through the hospital]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Then as soon as he screws me over, you're his new best friend.
- Dr. George O'Malley: Izzie. He failed his boards. This is important.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: He cheated on me!
- [George & Izzie run into Meredith]
- Dr. Meredith Grey: Busted?
- Dr. George O'Malley: Yeah, busted.
- Dr. Meredith Grey: His exam is tomorrow.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: You're in on this too? He cheated on me! God!
- Dr. Cristina Yang: [Carrying a small Christmas tree out of a patient's room] Told you she'd find out.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Oh, of course you're in on it.
- Dr. George O'Malley: She let him touch her boobs!
- [Cristina hits George with the tree]
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: He cheated on me with George's skanky syph nurse!
- Dr. George O'Malley: That is just plain rude!
- Dr. Meredith Grey: We know, he cheated on you! That's why we let you turn the living room into Santa's freaking Village.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: What?
- Dr. Meredith Grey: We're not big on holidays. You know that. We're trying to be supportive because you're having a hard time. But right now, Alex, he's having a harder time.
- Dr. Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens: Why does everyone care what kind of time Alex is having?
- Dr. Meredith Grey: Because he's dirty Uncle Sal.
- [They all look at her strangely]
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Sorry?
- Dr. George O'Malley: You lost me.
- Dr. Meredith Grey: [Thinking they'll catch on...] Dirty Uncle Sal. Who embarrasses everyone at family reunions, and who can't be left alone with the teenage girls, but you invite him to the picnic anyway.
- Dr. Cristina Yang: Sorry, what?
- Dr. George O'Malley: Still lost.
- Dr. Meredith Grey: I have a mother who doesn't recognize me. As far as family goes, this hospital, you guys are it. So, I know you're pissed at Alex, but, maybe you could try to help him anyway. Sort of like the spirit of this holiday you keep shoving down everybody's throats.
- [Izzie and Meredith walk off in opposite directions]
- Dr. Cristina Yang: [Disdainfully, to George] You...
- [Turns away with the tree]
- Dr. George O'Malley: What?
- Dr. Cristina Yang: "Boob"?
- Dr. Miranda Bailey: Grey, Karev, cover the pit. You can expect all sorts of holiday idiocy sooo... that is my gift to you.
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: Do you happen to know what time of year neurosurgeons are the busiest Dr. Stevens?
- Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: There's a time of year?
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: There's no hard or fast rule, but brain injuries tend to pile up around the holidays. Like our friend here. Folks fall off their roofs while they string up lights. Or they go skating for the first time in a decade and break their heads open. And every year people drive through blizzards to get to parties where they kiss germ-infected strangers under poisonous mistletoe. And then they get so drunk that they smash their heads through their windshield on their way home. Like I said, there's no hard or fast rule.