The King of Queens (TV Series)

Awful Bigamy (2004)

Kevin James: Doug Heffernan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doug Heffernan : Hey Arthur, come on up for breakfast. You know I can't start my day without my two scoops of Artie.

  [from the basement] 

  Arthur Spooner : I don't know what that means, but it sounds terrifying.

• Doug Heffernan : [after telling the guys he has a downstairs and upstairs wife]  Hol, the paper came today, it's a little wet and I wanted to read the sports section.

  Holly Shumpert : I'll just blow-dry it.

  [She leaves] 

  Danny Heffernan : My nipples are hard.

• Doug Heffernan : You're trying to take my downstairs wife; you don't even have a downstairs.

  Deacon Palmer : She'd be futon wife.

• Doug Heffernan : Why don't you tell the man that your last year's salary was $12.

  Arthur Spooner : That was after taxes!