Mork: Good morning, Orson.
Orson: Orson? You call me Orson to my face, but behind my back you call me "fatso," "rocketship thighs," and "star tush."
Mork: You forgot "laser breath," ah ah! Sorry, your immenseness.
Orson: See what I mean? These constant displays of humor are not acceptable behavior here on Ork.
Mork: You're right. We are a rather dull lot; the white bread of the universe.
Orson: Emotions have been weeded out of us for the good of the race. And you constantly make jokes. I'm afraid that won't do.
Orson: There's an insignificant planet on the far side of the galaxy. From the fragmentary reports we have on it, the people are, well, uh...
Mork: Real nimnose?
Orson: Exactly. That is why I think you'll fit in there, Mork.
Mork: You're too kind, sir. What's the name of this hellhole you're sending me to?
Mindy McConnell: Stop! It's too early in the morning for dueling Beethoven.
Cora Hudson: It's the only music I can challenge him with, dear. He won't play anything by Alice Cooper.
Fred McConnell: That's because I play piano. Alice Cooper just beats on the keys with a dead snake.
Mindy McConnell: Mork, can you take a little constructive criticism?
Mork: Of course.
Mindy McConnell: It's not nice to sit on your face.
Mork: Then why did God put it there?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: A kiss - very affectionate, you understand. You got a boy, and you got a girl. And they put their lips together, you see, and they kinda slide 'em around. And it feels grrreat!
Mork: Sliding lips sounds unappealing.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: Don't knock it till you've tried it.
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: He needs a LOT of work. Good thing he didn't land at Potsie's house.
Fred McConnell: A toast, a toast, a toast to the old days when values were values and morals were morals. I remember when sharing a pad meant borrowing a notebook.
Mindy McConnell: Mork is innocent! True, he is different from most, but this great country was built on the right of individuals to be individuals. We have the God-given right to be eccentric, and therefore I demand Mork be exonerated and set free!
Prosecuting Attorney: Dr. Litney, if we may continue, what was your conclusion after examining the defendant?
Dr. Litney: Your honor, my conclusions are the patient is extremely childlike and incapable of learning. He has also exhibited marked antisocial behavior; therefore it is my opinion that the defendant is incompetent to function in society.
Mork: Orson, this may sound strange, but knowing that someone would do that for me, well, it makes me feel really good inside.
Orson: Just remember, Mork, you're sent there to observe, not to get involved.
Mork: Yes, your immenseness. This is Mork signing off from Boulder, Colorado. Until next week, nanoo nanoo!
Mork: [throwing an egg into the air] Fly, be free!
[the egg lands on the counter with a splat]