My Family (TV Series)

Much Ado About Ben (2000)

Kris Marshall: Nick Harper

Quotes 

• Susan : [Identifying who has called her, crying]  Oh, Doreen, my yoga teacher. Poor thing. While she was becoming one with the universe, her husband was becoming one with an accounts manager from Croydon.

  Janey Harper : That's terrible!

  Nick Harper : No, Croydon ain't that bad.

• Nick Harper : What's for dinner?

  Susan : I'm not sure yet.

  [uncovers pot] 

  Susan : It's either soufflé or bouillabaisse. Time will tell.

• Janey Harper : [On Nick not helping Susan clean the house]  Well, I think it's sexist!

  Nick Harper : It's not that men do nothing. It's that women do too much. Besides, you enjoy cleaning.

  Susan : [Gives a stern look] 

  Nick Harper : Crossed a line there, didn't I?

• Susan : [Picks up Nick's jeans]  What are these doing here?

  Nick Harper : Oh, I was looking for those.

  Susan : It may surprise you to know that the living room is not your laundry basket.

  Nick Harper : Yeah? What room is?

• Nick Harper : [to Susan]  Did you happen to find my underpants?

  Janey Harper : [Picks up his underpants without realising it, then throws it away]  NICK!

• Nick Harper : I fell asleep on the couch last night watching TV.

  Susan : In the nude?

  Nick Harper : I had my socks on.

• Susan : What's this?

  Nick Harper : It's... not what you think it is.

  Susan : It's Viagra.

  Nick Harper : OK, it is what you think it is. But it's not what you think it's for.

  Susan : So, what is it for?

  Nick Harper : OK, it is what you think it's for!

  Susan : So, who's the lucky girl?

  Nick Harper : They're all lucky, mum!

• Ben Harper : Nick?

  Susan : Get out.

  Nick Harper : Do this! Do that! Sometimes, you make me feel like a complete prat!

• Janey Harper : Why are older men always going after younger women?

  Nick Harper : I don't know. Maybe it's because they're younger.

  Janey Harper : Well, how would you feel if older women only wanted younger men?

  Nick Harper : Great! Either way, I win!

• Susan : It's a different generation, Ben. Don't even try.

  Ben Harper : I'm not going to feel like an old fart because I don't like their stupid music!

  Nick Harper : No, you need to feel like an old fart because you've got hair in your ears!

  Nick Harper : Haha! Shut up!

• Janey Harper : Why don't you just have the yoga class in Nick's room?

  Nick Harper : A bunch of sweaty babes in skimpy tights? I'm in!

  Susan : I'm the youngest sweaty babe in the group.

  Nick Harper : I'm out!

• Susan : Do you know, dear, it would do you some good to join the yoga class.

  Ben Harper : Susan, please! Stop trying to change me!

  Susan : I'm just trying to help you.

  Ben Harper : How? By saying I'm old, decrepit and I've got hairy ears?

  Nick Harper : Actually, that was me!