- Mimi: Is this some kind of bust?
- Det. Frank Drebin: Yes, it's very impressive, but we'd just like to ask a few questions.
- Ed Hocken: Did you by any chance have any occasion to know where Eddie was last night?
- Mimi: Last night, why yes, he was with me. We went... to the movies.
- Det. Frank Drebin: [disbelieving] Oh yeah.
- Mimi: Yeah., On the Waterfront.
- Ed Hocken: Come on, there are no movie theaters on the waterfront.
- Det. Frank Drebin: All right, Eddie. Let's go over it again. Where were you last night?
- Eddie Casales: I told you a dozen times, I was at the movies.
- Norberg: [Norberg comes in carrying a box of sandwiches] I've got the sandwiches here.
- Ed Hocken: All right, Eddie, you went to the movies. Now what did you see?
- Eddie Casales: I told you, I don't remember!
- Norberg: [sniffs a paper bag] Who had the egg salad?
- Ed Hocken: [sarcastic] 'I don't remember'
- Norberg: Hey, somebody ordered it.
- Det. Frank Drebin: You can't expect us to buy that.
- Norberg: But I already paid for it.
- Eddie Casales: Why don't you give a guy a break?
- Norberg: Thanks a lot.
- Eddie Casales: What's the charge, huh?
- Norberg: Eh, 4.58.
- Ed Hocken: What're you trying to do, insult us?
- Norberg: Okay, 3.50. Coffee's on me.
- Eddie Casales: I told ya, I went to the movies, I fell asleep, I don't remember!
- Det. Frank Drebin: You don't expect us to swallow that!
- Norberg: All right, I'll eat it! But I don't think it's fair that I should have to pay for it.
- [walks off with sandwiches]
- Det. Frank Drebin: Do you know where Eddie is right now?
- Lana: [close to tears] You might try the Club Flamingo. He hangs out there with some chorus, girl. A floozy named Mimi Du Jour.
- Ed Hocken: [taking notes] Du Jour? Is she French?
- Lana: That's just her stage name. Her real name is Mimi Coffee.
- Ed Hocken: Coffee?
- Lana: No, thank you.
- Ted Olson: Why don't you run along now Katie, and next week I'll show you why women can't play professional football.
- Det. Frank Drebin: Just in time, Eddie.
- Eddie Casales: Piece of cake, Lieutenant.
- Det. Frank Drebin: No thanks, I just ate.
- Det. Frank Drebin: [narrating] When I got home I received a call from Mimi Du Jour. She said she wanted to see me at the club right away. Since I had no idea where the Club Rightaway was, I suggested the Club Flamingo. She agreed.
- Ed: All right, Eddie, let's say you did go to the movies.
- Eddie Casales: Okay.
- Ed, Eddie Casales, Det. Frank Drebin: [looking at the camera] You did go to the movies!
- Det. Frank Drebin: Then let's say you were nowhere near the Club Flamingo!
- Eddie Casales: All right.
- Ed, Eddie Casales, Det. Frank Drebin: [looking at the camera again] You were nowhere near the Club Flamingo!
- Ted Olson: [attempting to hold a cat underwater] So you see Katie, fish have gills to extract oxygen from water. But air breathing species have lungs which are equipped only to accept oxygen in its natural state. And that's why most mammals must live on land.
- Katie: Wow, that's neat.
- [speaking through a loud bullhorn to a crowd of only two]
- Nordberg: Disperse! Please, disperse! There's nothing for you to see here. Go home. Keep moving, please. Keep moving.
- Joyce Brothers: Johnny, I've been getting a lot of mail about the Cinderella complex.
- Johnny the Snitch: So?
- [Dr. Joyce Brothers gives Johnny a dollar bribe]
- Johnny the Snitch: Women's fear of success has left many of them confused about their wants and needs. Consequently, the stress-related burnout has driven many women from feminist aggression to female passivity, dependent upon their partners for vicarious fulfillment.
- Joyce Brothers: Well, what do I tell them?
- [she gives Johnny another dollar bribe]
- Johnny the Snitch: Tell them to get in touch with their unconscious feelings and to share the growth process with their partner.
- Det. Frank Drebin: [pulls out a pack of cigarettes] Cigarette?
- Mimi: Yes, I know.
- Det. Frank Drebin: [puts the pack away] Well...
- Ed Hocken: Here I've made out a list for you.
- Det. Frank Drebin: [sits down to read list] Monroe, Lynch, Barker, Fanning, Smith, Brookhouse, Casales.
- [ring chimes]
- Det. Frank Drebin: Wait a minute, that name rings a bell.
- Ed Hocken: Eddie Casales?
- [another kind of ring, more of a clang this time]
- Ed Hocken: Casales...
- [fire alarm rings]
- Ed Hocken: Casales...
- [boxing match bell]
- Ed Hocken: Casales...
- [Big Ben dong]
- Det. Frank Drebin: Well, it looks like Lana'll be doing her bombing up in the Stateville Prison from now on, up there along with Sally Decker and Martin and Gunderson.
- Ed Hocken: Now you said Eddie lied about his alibi?
- Det. Frank Drebin: Yeah, he wasn't at the movie. He was over in Milwaukee watching a baseball game. Afraid to tell anyone because crossing over the state line is a violation of parole.
- Ed Hocken: Parole violation, huh? Well, what are we gonna do about that?
- Det. Frank Drebin: Ah, forget it. There are some things you can't deprive a man of.
- Ed Hocken: Well, I'll drink to that, Frank.
- [they clink and freeze frame on the spot]
- Det. Frank Drebin: What were you doing on the waterfront last night, Eddie?
- Eddie Casales: I wasn't on the waterfront. I was at the movies.
- Ed Hocken: That's not what she says.
- Nordberg: [at the scene of a car bombing] I can't believe anyone would do something so cruel.
- Det. Frank Drebin: Senseless brutality, senseless waste.
- Ed Hocken: Cut down in the prime of life.
- Nordberg: That car was a classic, a '68! You suppose the widow would take $1,500 for it?
- [a prisoner has gotten loose and is holding the cops at gunpoint]
- Prisoner: I got the gun now! And I'm gonna kill all of you... one by one.
- [Frank, oblivious, walks through a door, hitting the prisoner and knocking the gun from his hand; all the cops rush the prisoner and arrest him]
- Ed Hocken: Good job, Frank!
- Det. Frank Drebin: What?