Police Squad! (TV Series)
A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise) (1982)
Alan North: Capt. Ed Hocken
Photos
Quotes
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Det. Frank Drebin : Wait a minute, let me get this straight: Twice came in and shot the teller and Jim Fell.
Sally Decker : No, he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill.
Det. Frank Drebin : Okay, then after he shot the teller, you shot Twice.
Sally Decker : No, I only shot once.
Capt. Ed Hocken : Twice is the hold up man.
Sally Decker : Then I guess I did shoot Twice.
Det. Frank Drebin : Oh, so now you're changing your story.
Sally Decker : No, I shot Twice after Jim fell.
Det. Frank Drebin : You shot twice and Jim Fell?
Sally Decker : No, Jim fell first and then I shot Twice once.
Det. Frank Drebin : Well, who fired twice?
Sally Decker : Once!
Capt. Ed Hocken : He's the owner of the tire company, Frank.
Det. Frank Drebin : [pauses] Okay. Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired Twice. Then Twice shot the teller once.
Sally Decker : Twice.
Det. Frank Drebin : ...and Jim fell and then you fired Twice.
Sally Decker : Once!
Det. Frank Drebin : Okay. All right, that will be all for now, Ms. Decker.
Capt. Ed Hocken : We'll need you to make a formal statement down at the station.
Sally Decker : Oh, of course!
Det. Frank Drebin : You've been very helpful. We think we know how he did it.
Sally Decker : Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks.
Det. Frank Drebin : Well.
[pauses]
Det. Frank Drebin : Thank you again, Ms. Decker.
[to Ed]
Det. Frank Drebin : Weeks?
Capt. Ed Hocken : Saul Weeks. He's the comptroller, Frank.
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Sally Decker : Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell.
Capt. Ed Hocken : He's the teller, Frank.
Det. Frank Drebin : Jim Fell's the teller?
Sally Decker : No, Jim Johnson.
Det. Frank Drebin : Who's Jim Fell?
Capt. Ed Hocken : He's the auditor, Frank.
Sally Decker : He had the flu, so Jim
[pauses]
Sally Decker : filled in.
Det. Frank Drebin : Phil who?
Capt. Ed Hocken : Phil Din. He's the night watchman.
Sally Decker : [crying] If only Phil had been here!
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Mrs. Twice : Oh, poor Ralph! Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for fourteen years?
Det. Frank Drebin : No, I can't say that I do. I did live with a guy once, though, but that was just for a couple of years.
[Mrs. Twice makes sounds of trying not to cry]
Det. Frank Drebin : Usual slurs, rumours, innuendos - people didn't understand.
[Ed gives Mrs. Twice a handkerchief and she starts crying into it]
Det. Frank Drebin : [to camera]
Det. Frank Drebin : Ran him outta town like a common pygmy.
[Mrs. Twice starts crying a little harder]
Capt. Ed Hocken : Did he have any enemies?
Mrs. Twice : Well the Democrats didn't like him.
Det. Frank Drebin : [continues, to camera, with Mrs. Twice continuing to sob softly] Sure, he was a physical education major but he had a mind! He could think, he wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later - had three kids. Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note.
Capt. Ed Hocken : Now, I know this is a long shot, but did he ever eat chop suey?
Mrs. Twice : [crying] No, no he never did.
Capt. Ed Hocken : It was just a hunch.
Det. Frank Drebin : [continues, to camera, with Mrs. Twice still going back into her softly sobbing mode] I told him she was wrong. And that youngest boy, just like his father. Football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same.
[wistfully]
Det. Frank Drebin : You can't go back.
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Mrs. Twice : Oh, poor Ralph! And what about my daughter? What am I going to tell her?
Capt. Ed Hocken : Yeah, you're gonna have to tell her something. Tell her he went on a long trip.
Det. Frank Drebin : No wait a minute, how about a big monster came and took him to daddy heaven?
Det. Frank Drebin : [Mrs Twice starts sobbing louder] Nah...
Capt. Ed Hocken : What about this: he threw himself on a grenade and saved the battalion. Yeah, that's it.
[Mrs. Twice starts sobbing stronger]
Det. Frank Drebin : No, no, wait a minute, he was killed by a left wing insurgence from Paraguay?
Det. Frank Drebin : [Mrs. Twice is sobbing uncontrollably now] No, Bolivia.
Capt. Ed Hocken : I got it! I got it, he, he was traded to the Cubs for Reggie Jackson.
[Mrs. Twice can't stop sobbing, and Frank and Ed finally give up and give her an expression of helplessness]
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Capt. Ed Hocken : Alright, Sally, you're under arrest.
[turns to two police officers]
Capt. Ed Hocken : Sergeant, take her away and book her.
Det. Frank Drebin : [Frank comes up and shakes the policemen by the hand] Sergeant Takeheraway, Sergeant Booker.
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Capt. Ed Hocken : You know, Frank, there's one thing I still don't understand. Now, how did you know that the money Sally gave to Dr. Zubatsky wasn't traceable?
Det. Frank Drebin : [laughs] I didn't.
Capt. Ed Hocken : Huh?
Det. Frank Drebin : But neither did Sally!
[slaps Hocken on the back. They both begin to laugh, but instead of sound coming out of their mouths they freeze frame]
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Mrs. Twice : [while being interrogated about the murder of her husband] Ralph was such a good man. Who could have done such a horrible thing?
Capt. Ed Hocken : Did he owe any money? Doctor bills, gambling debts, book of the month club?
Mrs. Twice : No, nothing. Just two more payments on our solar telescope.
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Capt. Ed Hocken : Frank, I know you got Sally's arrest record from R & I
[Records and Information]
Capt. Ed Hocken : , but how did you ever figure out she was the one behind the loan office heist?
Det. Frank Drebin : Just a little hunch back at the office.
Capt. Ed Hocken : I thought so. Because I brought that little hunchback with me. Charlie, come out here!
[a short, 'hunchback' man walks in]
Det. Frank Drebin : Charlie! Thanks for the tip.
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Capt. Ed Hocken : Was the, eh, dentist cooperative?
Det. Frank Drebin : Yeah, he gave us plenty of rope. Now we have to see if we can get Sally to stick her head into the noose.
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Capt. Ed Hocken : Hi, Frank.
Det. Frank Drebin : Hey, Ed, just got back from the arraignment. Sally Decker's gonna have to get her teeth straightened at the Statesville Prison from now on.
