- Pamela Rodgers: Now, it's not that people over 30 don't approve of the new morality, they just don't know how to use it!
- Johnny Brown: I read about an 85-year old man marrying a 15-year old girl.
- Goldie Hawn: No foolin'?
- Johnny Brown: Darn little!
- The Parson: I performed my first hippie wedding yesterday. Instead of throwing the bridal bouquet, they all sat around and smoked it.
- Lily Tomlin: You know, the world is like a newborn baby. No matter how often it's changed, it keeps making a mess of things.
- Dan Blocker: Who says television is not educational? Do you ever think about how many repairmen's sons it sends through college?
- Pamela Rodgers: The other day at the studio, I did a torrid love scene. It turned out so well, the producer wants me to do one in a movie.
- Dick: You know, this nutty world of ours really worries me.
- Dan: What's the trouble?
- Dick: Well, according to statistics, eh, every third child born in the world is Chinese.
- Dan: So?
- Dick: Well, my sister has two kids and now she's pregnant again.
- Dan: You ding-a-ling. You think it's going to be Chinese?
- Dick: Well, why not? The first two were.