Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Johnny Knoxville/System of a Down (2005)

Tina Fey: Weekend Update Anchor

Quotes 

• Tina Fey : Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have announced that their new reality show will be called 'Britney and Kevin: Chaotic' because the name 'The Beverly Hillbillies' is already being used.

• Amy Poehler : It was reported that while vacationing together in Kenya, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie made so much noise while making love, the hotel staff rushed to the room because it sounded like a wounded animal. OK, we get it, Angelina Jolie, you're better than every woman at everything! You're save the world, you have better sex, you're a circus-level knife-thrower... but let me tell you something, Jolie: I will find your weakness, OK? And when I do, I'm gonna climb up those legs of yours, and I'm gonna slap that queen-size futon you call a mouth.

  [cheers and applause] 

  Amy Poehler : Let me ask you this, Jolie: Did you ever win Burlington, Massachusetts' Babysitter of the Month? What's that? No? What's that? Well call me when you do, hotshot! Back to you, Tina.

  Tina Fey : Uh, this just in: Angelina Jolie has been named Burlington, Massachusetts' Babysitter of the Month.

  Amy Poehler : Dammit!

• Tina Fey : [on Weekend Update]  This week, runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks announced that she stills intends to marry fiance and can't wait to be called Mrs. John Mason, as in "Mrs. John Mason, we have some questions about your husband's murder."

  [opens her eyes real big and tilts her head] 

• Tina Fey : New images taken of an object five times the mass of Jupiter confirmed that it is a giant planet closely orbiting a distant star, and not, as I first reported, yo' mama. I apologize.