The Simpsons (TV Series)

Simpson Tide (1998)

Hank Azaria: TV Announcer, Naval Recruiter, Apu, Moe Szyslak, Recreationist Instructor, Haiti Veteran, Kennedy, Ear Piercer, Russian Representative, Mr. Sulu

Photos 

Quotes 

• Russian Representative : The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.

  United States Representative : Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up.

  Russian Representative : Nyet! That's what we wanted you to think, hahahahahaha!

• Naval Recruiter : Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the reserve.

  Homer Simpson : There's a question that's crossed out.

  Naval Recruiter : Well... due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask that particular question.

  Homer Simpson : I think I can make it out.

  [reads] 

  Homer Simpson : "Are you a homosex..."

  Naval Recruiter : [interrupts]  For God's sake, don't answer that, I could go to jail!

  Homer Simpson : But I'm not a homose...

  Naval Recruiter : [covers his ears and sings loudly]  La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I am not lis-ten-ing! La, la, la, la, la...

  [exits] 

  Homer Simpson : Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay?

• [Homer is watching a television ad for the Naval Reserve] 

  Naval Recruiter : Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are protecting America's interests overseas, but you're in Lubbock, Texas hosing down a statue, because you're in the Naval Reserve. Once you complete basic training, you only work one weekend a month, and most of that time you're drunk off your ass. The Naval Reserve: America's 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the American League of Women Voters.

• [onboard a submarine] 

  Homer Simpson : Mr. Moe, prepare to surface.

  Moe : You want to stop calling me Mr. Moe?

  Homer Simpson : No.

• [Homer and Moe are serving on a nuclear sub] 

  Homer : Damage report, Mr. Moe.

  Moe : Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.

  Homer : Enough of what's out. What's in?

  Moe : Ice-blended moccha drinks and David Schwimmer.

  Homer : Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.

• Homer Simpson : I've joined the Naval Reserve.

  Barney : I'm not going to let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too.

  Moe : I'm not going to let anything happen to my two best customers, I'm joining, too.

  Apu : Even though my religion strictly forbids military service, what the hey.