The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Day the Violence Died (1996)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Itchy, Grampa Simpson, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Krusty the Clown

Quotes 

• [everyone is eating at the table; Abe and Chester glare at each other] 

  Abe Simpson : I thought I recognized you! I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop, and you never did it!

  Chester J. Lampwick : Those corn muffins were lousy!

  Abe Simpson : Paint my chicken coop!

  Chester J. Lampwick : Make me!

  [Abe gets up and the two start brawling] 

  Marge Simpson : That does it! One of them has to go!

  Homer Simpson : Okay, Grampa.

  Marge Simpson : No, the B-U-M.

  Homer Simpson : Oh.

• Krusty : Well, Itchy & Scratchy are gone. But here's a cartoon that tried to make learning fun! Sorry about this, kids. But stay tuned! We've got some real good toy commercials coming right up, I swear.

  Kid : Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?

  The Amendment : I'm not garbage.

  [singing] 

  The Amendment : I'm an Amendment to be, yes an Amendment to be, and I'm hoping that they'll ratify me. There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom. I wanna make it legal for policeman to beat'em, cause there's limits to our liberty, least I hope and prey that there are, 'cause those liberal freaks go too far!

  Kid : Why can't we just make a law against flag burning?

  The Amendment : Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we change the Constitution...

  Kid : Then we can make all sorts of crazy laws!

  The Amendment : Now you're catching on!

  Bart Simpson : What the hell is this?

  Lisa Simpson : It's one of those campy 70s throwbacks that appeals to Generation X-ers.

  Bart Simpson : We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.

  Kid : What if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?

  The Amendment : Then I'll crush all opposition to me, and I'll make Ted Kennedy pay, if he fights back, I'll say that he's gay!

• Bart : Bye, mom. Bye, dad.

  Lisa Simpson : Bye, mom. Bye, dad.

  [together with Bart as they head out the front door] 

  Homer Simpson : Bye, kids. On your way back, pick up a six-pack of beer.

  Marge Simpson : Bart, Lisa, it's eleven o'clock of at night; where do you think you're going?

  Bart : Downtown

  Lisa Simpson : We gotta get seats for the Itchy & Scratchy parade.

  Marge Simpson : I won't have my children sitting alone on a cold dangerous street all night. Homer, you go too.

  Homer Simpson : Ohhh. Why can't they just take the gun?