- Tony Soprano: You bitch and you moan, and you blame everybody else for your problems. Instead of maybe not letting the Mexicans do all the cooking for you, or maybe changing the menu, or changing the decorum.
- Artie Bucco: I guess because you know how to eat, you know how to run a restaurant.
- Tony Soprano: On one of the bleakest nights of my life, after the shit with my mother, and that fucking storm outside, I came here. To this place. I sat out there with Carm and my two kids and we ate and we drank and we were so happy to be here. More than any other place in the world. And you know I'm gonna eat here til I fall off the chair. But in business sometimes shit happens, the playing field changes, whatever. And you gotta do whatever you gotta do to keep your dick up.
- Artie Bucco: If you hate it here so much, why don't you go Don Giovanni. See if he'll cook you that bland shit for your shattered pancreas.
- Tony Soprano: [pauses] Alright, I'll tell you one thing. And this is very hard. Nobody wants to hear you talk. They're trying to eat out there, and you come along, with your corny jokes, and your stupid stories. Just stay in the kitchen. That'd be a start.
- Tony Soprano: Well, listen, the other day I was driving along, thinking about your little problem. How bout a promotion? Coupon, two for one.
- Artie Bucco: Two-fers. Wow. You mean like you get a free spaghetti and meatballs if you bring another cheap comare douchebag in here? How 'bout an early bird special? Salad wagon? This is a fine dining establishment. I'll give it back to the bank before I turn into a fucking IHOP!
- Christopher Moltisanti: [about Hollywood] Ben Kingsley passed. Made some contacts. Plus we got to see Lindsay Lohan - total piece of ass.
- Artie Bucco: [while she leaves] hold on a second. I want to ask you something
- Artie Bucco: [as she begins to cry, realizing she was part of Benny's credit card scheme] I knew it
- Martina: I'm sorry. I'll pay you back
- Artie Bucco: How could you do this to me?
- Martina: You were so mean to me
- Artie Bucco: Like helping you find the apartment? Teaching you how to drive?
- Martina: As soon as you found out I wasn't going to fuck you, you started picking on me
- Artie Bucco: I wanted to fuck you? You certainty have a high opinion of yourself
- Martina: You stare to me like food. Well, I'd never fuck you. I go to Benny and we laugh at you
- Artie Bucco: Benny?
- Martina: While I fuck him in the pile of money we take from your stupid customers
- Artie Bucco: You're fired
- Artie Bucco: [as she exists the door] oh yeah? Look whose laughing now. You don't think I can press charges because of my friendship with Tony? Three months you've worked here, you don't think that goes on your permanent record? We lead the world in computerized data collection
- Benny Fazio: [Answers the door after Artie rang it several times late at night] Artie, do you know what time it is?
- Artie Bucco: We need to talk
- Benny Fazio: Now? My wife is pregnant, she needs to sleep
- Artie Bucco: Martina told me about your credit card business, step outside Ben
- Benny Fazio: [to his wife] I'll be outside a minute honey
- Benny Fazio: Look, your upset alright? But it's not my fault that little "trick" got greedy
- Artie Bucco: [Eventually pushes him against the wall] oh, so she's a little "trick" huh?
- Benny Fazio: I was going to cut you in but now your acting stupid
- Corky Caporale: [meeting privately, giving them the instructions to kill Rusty, in Italian] the address is in the bag, 134 Deweunter Terrace, Brooklyn: that's in New York, there's a map, dump it all after you memorize it. The man your gonna "pop" is very cautious, usually has protection. The guy has a long horse face, and is in good shape. The "fish" have been cleaned, you can drop them where you do it
- Salvatore: [in Italian] where'd you learn to speak Italian?
- Corky Caporale: [in Italian] I came over here with my parents when I was two
- Italo: [in Italian] you were born in Italy, where?
- Tony Soprano: [referring to his outburst during dinner] Fucking Phil, some display, huh?
- Christopher Moltisanti: I paid a visit to Vito's comare, Jill, she hasn't heard from Vito
- Christopher Moltisanti: [to Carlo after he walks up to them] We were just discussing La Cage Aux Fat
- Carlo Gervasi: [to Tony, after laughing at Christopher's joke] I was gonna get my cousin Tommy to call his detective friend. I've been hamstrung with that work stop at the office
- Tony Soprano: [before shrugging] Vito shows up, he shows up, then we deal with him. If not...
- Carlo Gervasi: It's just a phone call, and seriously, Tommy says the guy can track somebody from the corner of shit
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly] Yeah, I saw them do that on CSI
- Christopher Moltisanti: [after Carlo leaves] Hey, I was glad to hear you say that on the search because I gotta take a little time off for some business in Cali: Little Carmine's lined up a meet for us
- Tony Soprano: So, what is it? Business or time off?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to working for Tony] Time off from here but definitely business with Ben Kingsley
- Phil Leotardo: [talking privately] this is from John: He said to tell you he appreciates the recent "Headlines"
- Phil Leotardo: [when Tony doesn't respond] Rusty
- Tony Soprano: [referring to killing Rusty as a favor to John] I don't know what you're talking about: I turned him down on that
- Phil Leotardo: You're a cautious man, you know some people might feel offended, me? My heart is an "open book"
- Phil Leotardo: [when Tony doesn't respond again, referring to the fictional character from the short story The Legend of Sleepy Hollow] Anyway, Rusty's gone. "Chalk" it up to The Headless Horseman
- Artie Bucco: Benny, can I get you a Martina?
- [Benny gives him a strange look]
- Benny Fazio: Excuse me?
- Artie Bucco: A Martina. It's like a martini, but it's from Albania.
- Jen Fazio: I've never heard of it.
- Artie Bucco: Well, apparently they go down real easy.
- Martina: [talking privately] What is it? You're looking at me very seriously
- Artie Bucco: Remember I had that friend that was going to help you "speed" through the Green Card process?
- Artie Bucco: [after she nods] "Apparently", it's not happening
- Martina: why?
- Artie Bucco: "Too much on his plate" he said. I guess your gonna just have to do it yourself, I'm sorry
- Martina: All those forms: shit me
- Artie Bucco: I wish I could help you... but really, it's a small inconvenience to live in freedom, right?
- Martina: [before he walks away] Yes, I know this
- Artie Bucco: Fazinella, my old man's meat guy: he said "The restaurant business is like keeping an elephant, costs a fortune and sooner or later it shits on your head." Fuckin western beef is leaving us for dead
- Charmaine Bucco: I wanted you to call the western beef guy but you were on the floor talking to the Cohen's mother-in-law
- Artie Bucco: You can't deal with that guy yourself? My "blushing flower"
- Charmaine Bucco: It's not the same for me, and the chatting with the guests
- Artie Bucco: [irritated] Again, that's it? It's not Hector or the meat or these assholes that are always looking for the next "hot thing", it's me!
- Charmaine Bucco: Limit it to a quick visit or a coffee, people want to talk to each other: not you
- Artie Bucco: Really? You know better than New Jersey's ad? "Artie Bucco, warm and convivial host"?
- Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: [after hanging up his cell phone] Kingsley's agent says we grab lunch tomorrow poolside
- Christopher Moltisanti: That guy Jay?
- Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: Yeah, I got him out of some trouble out of a party down in the Keys
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to casting him for a role in their movie] Ben Kingsley, can he do a New Jersey accent?
- Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: [after Carmine shrugs while they enter the hotel] I usually send the bags up, hit the bar decompress a little bit unless you're against it?
- Christopher Moltisanti: What're you talking about?
- Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: You're in AA, you gave the stewardess an earful when she put down the champagne, I just don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable
- Christopher Moltisanti: Relax, I can deal with it
- Artie Bucco: [jokingly, walking up to Christopher, Benny, Murmur] Benny, Mo, and Jack, how's the Bruschetta? You guys got a quorum? Lemme get you a table
- Benny Fazio: [to Christopher and Murmur, referring to sitting at the bar] You guys go ahead, I'm gonna stay right here
- Artie Bucco: [before gesturing to where Martina's standing, referring to Benny] My best customer but his nailed to this fuckin spot: it's either the wine or the view
- Artie Bucco: [referring to Martina] Such a sweet kid, you know she told Charmaine, back in Albania, her whole family got blown up waiting for an oil change: the shit she's been through, we just had to help her. Charmaine called in a favor with her cousin in Manhattan, got her a working visa and get started on the Green Card
- Artie Bucco: [gestures to her to come over] Martina, come do some hosting
- Martina: Hi
- Christopher Moltisanti: Hey
- James 'Murmur' Zancone: What's up?
- Artie Bucco: [to Martina, referring to Christopher, Benny, Murmur] This is your cheering section here
- Martina: Hello Benny
- Artie Bucco: [to Martina] You got the reservations squared away?
- Martina: It's very few right now
- Artie Bucco: [explaining why he has so few customers] Football season
- James 'Murmur' Zancone: I could watch her walk away all night
- Christopher Moltisanti: [jokingly] Good, because like most girls with you, that's what she's gonna do
- Artie Bucco: Ah, just to be young and single like these two, right Benito?
- Artie Bucco: [points to one of the strippers] You could fuck her, you know?
- Tony Soprano: [referring to the side effects from his gunshot wound] Well, I'm not a hundred in that "department" but I'm starting to feel the "old pressure"
- Artie Bucco: It's funny, guys like me, we get drunk and stare. Best case base scenario we go to the back room, get a lap dance, "dry hump", and "blow" in our pants
- Tony Soprano: Listen, if you wanna fuck her so bad, I'm sure it can be worked out
- Artie Bucco: Nah, I couldn't, but you...
- Tony Soprano: What'd you want me to say?
- Artie Bucco: Nothing, it's just a fact
- Tony Soprano: If I knew you were gonna be a pissy mood...
- Artie Bucco: [interrupts him] Gabriella Dante and Rosalie Aprile came in for lunch yesterday
- Tony Soprano: So, what, you wanna fuck one of them now?
- Artie Bucco: [referring to the new Italian restaurant Artie's competing with] No, Gab said you all went and had a meal at Da Giovanni on Sunday
- Tony Soprano: Oh, I was gonna tell you it was Phil's grandson's confirmation: pain in the ass
- Artie Bucco: What're you gonna do, you gotta eat?
- Tony Soprano: It's nothing special, believe me. Actually, Carm got a little sick after, too much oil, she thought
- Artie Bucco: Gab said I should check it out, like I could learn something
- Tony Soprano: She should learn how to watch her mouth, that one
- Artie Bucco: [sarcastically] Fuck her. Carm got sick? Nice touch
- Tony Soprano: It was a "business obligation"
- Artie Bucco: [sarcastically, referring to Tony using Art's previous restaurant to kill a rival and setting a bomb to cover up the crime] Uh, oh, last time I heard that I had to call the fire department
- Tony Soprano: [referring to Artie attempting to kill himself after an investment he made failed] Maybe you need another fresh start to fuck up?
- Tony Soprano: [after Christopher returns from his business trip to California, referring to casting Ben Kingsley in his movie] how'd it go with the movie star?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [lying, after Kingsley passed on the role he offered] he was all over us but I don't think his right: we made some great contacts. Plus, we got to see Lindsay Lohan, total piece of ass
- Tony Soprano: you hear Artie burned his hand?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to a feud between them] yeah, him and Benny, how crazy is that? Is he ok?
- Tony Soprano: [referring to Benny forcefully putting Artie's hand into a pot of hot tomato sauce causing his hand to be burned] layer of skin came off his hand like a glove but they said no scarring and no graft
- Christopher Moltisanti: lucky
- Tony Soprano: [referring to Christopher neglecting his responsibilities as a captain] not for nothing, I couldn't help but think, if you were here watching your crew, things wouldn't have gone the way they did
- Christopher Moltisanti: you let me go, I asked you and now it's my fault Artie and Benny got into it?
- Tony Soprano: this is what I was concerned about: the loss of focus
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to Christopher telling Tony his former fiancée Adriana was an FBI informant causing Tony to order Silvio to kill her] look, not many guys have had to make the kind of sacrifice I did
- Tony Soprano: [irritated because he constantly reminds him he chose Tony and the mafia life instead of disappearing with Adriana] many times are you gonna "play" the Adriana "card"?