Star Trek (TV Series)

The Trouble with Tribbles (1967)

Leonard Nimoy: Mister Spock

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Quotes 

• Spock : [while holding a tribble]  Most curious creature, Captain. Its trilling seems to have a tranquilizing effect on the human nervous system.

  Spock : [beginning to pet it gently]  Fortunately, of course, I am... immune to it's effect...

  [realizing what he is doing, he quickly puts the tribble down and excuses himself] 

• Capt. Kirk : How close will we come to the nearest Klingon outpost if we continue on our present course?

  Chekov : Ah, one parsec, sir. Close enough to smell them.

  [grins broadly] 

  Spock : That is illogical, Ensign. Odors cannot travel through the vacuum of space.

  Chekov : I was making a little joke, sir.

  Spock : Extremely little, Ensign.

• Dr. McCoy : It is a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if they're attractive in some way.

  Spock : Doctor, I am well aware of human characteristics. I am frequently inundated by them, but I've trained myself to put up with practically anything.

  Dr. McCoy : Spock, I don't know too much about these little tribbles yet, but there is one thing that I have discovered.

  Spock : What is that, Doctor?

  Dr. McCoy : I like them... better than I like you.

  Spock : Doctor?

  Dr. McCoy : Yes?

  Spock : They do indeed have one redeeming characteristic.

  Dr. McCoy : What's that?

  Spock : They do not talk too much. If you'll excuse me, sir.

• [Kirk is testing the tribbles' reaction on several people, starting with the Klingons. The tribbles squeal] 

  Capt. Kirk : Why, you're right, Mister Jones. They don't like Klingons.

  [he moves on] 

  Capt. Kirk : But they do like Vulcans. Well, Mr. Spock, I didn't know you had it in you.

  Spock : Obviously, tribbles are very perceptive creatures, Captain.

  Capt. Kirk : Obviously.

  [he moves on] 

  Capt. Kirk : Mister Baris, they like you. Well, there's no accounting for taste.

• [Baris has suggested Jones to be a Klingon agent] 

  Capt. Kirk : Cyrano Jones? A Klingon agent?

  [laughs] 

  Nilz Baris : You heard me.

  Capt. Kirk : I heard you.

  Spock : He simply could not believe his ears.

• Spock : [of the tribbles]  They remind me of the lilies of the field. They toil not, neither do they spin. But they seem to eat a great deal. I see no practical use for them.

  Dr. McCoy : Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They're nice, they're soft and they're furry, and they make a pleasant sound.

  Spock : So would an ermine violin, Doctor, but I see no advantage in having one.

• Nilz Baris : Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons.

  Capt. Kirk : I was not aware, Mr. Baris, that 12 Klingons constitutes a swarm.

  Nilz Baris : Captain Kirk, there are Klingon soldiers on this station. Now, I want you to keep that grain safe!

  Capt. Kirk : Mr. Baris, I have guards around the grain, I have guards around the Klingons. The only reason those guards are there is because Starfleet wants them there. As for what *you* want... it has been noted and logged. Kirk out.

  [he shuts off the comlink] 

  Spock : Captain, may I ask where you'll be?

  Capt. Kirk : Sickbay, with a headache.

• [Kirk takes a tray out of a food dispenser. Food and cup are covered with tribbles] 

  Capt. Kirk : My chicken sandwich and coffee. This is my chicken sandwich and coffee!

  Spock : Fascinating.

  Capt. Kirk : I want these off the ship. I don't care if takes every man we've got, I want them off the ship.

• Nilz Baris : There must be thousands of them.

  Capt. Kirk : [buried up to his neck in tribbles]  Hundreds of thousands.

  Spock : 1,771,561. That's assuming one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of 10, producing a new generation every 12 hours over a period of three days.

  Capt. Kirk : And that's assuming that they got here three days ago.

  Spock : And allowing for the amount of grain consumed and the volume of the storage compartment.

• [Cyrano Jones is asking for leniency after his tribbles have infested the entire space station] 

  Capt. Kirk : There is one thing you could do.

  Cyrano Jones : Yes.

  Capt. Kirk : Pick up every tribble on the space station. If you do that, I'll speak to Mr. Lurry about returning your spaceship.

  Cyrano Jones : [appalled]  It would take years!

  Spock : 17.9, to be exact.

  Cyrano Jones : 17.9 years?

  Capt. Kirk : Consider it job security.

• Spock : Surely you must have realized what would happen if you removed the tribbles from their predator-filled environment into an environment where their natural multiplicative proclivities would have no restraining factors.

  Cyrano Jones : [all in one breath]  Well, of cour... What did you say?

  Spock : [irritated but patient]  By removing the tribbles from their natural habitat, you have, so to speak, removed the cork from the bottle and allowed the genie to escape.

• Capt. Kirk : Lt. Uhura, how did all these tribbles get on the bridge?

  Uhura : I don't know, sir. They do seem to be all over the ship.

  Capt. Kirk : Dr. McCoy.

  Dr. McCoy : Yes, did you want to see me, Jim?

  [Kirk hands him some tribbles] 

  Dr. McCoy : Well don't look at me, it's the tribbles that are breeding and if we don't get them off the ship were gonna be hip deep in them.

  Capt. Kirk : Would you explain.

  Dr. McCoy : The only thing that I can figure out is that they're born pregnant... which seems to be quite a timesaver.

  Capt. Kirk : I know but really...

  Dr. McCoy : And, from my observations if seems they're bisexual, reproducing at will. And brother, have they got a lot of will.

  Spock : Captain, I'm forced to agree with the doctor. I've been running computations on their rate of reproduction. The figures are taking an alarming direction. They are consuming our supplies and returning nothing.

  Uhura : Oh, but they do give us something, Mr. Spock. They give us love. Well, Cyrano Jones says that a tribble is the only love that money can buy.

  Capt. Kirk : Too much of anything, lieutenant, even love isn't necessarily a good thing.

  Uhura : Yes, captain.

  Capt. Kirk : Get a maintenance crew to clean up the entire ship and then contact Mr. Lurry and tell him I'm beaming down.

  Uhura : Aye, aye, sir.

  Capt. Kirk : Have him find Cyrano Jones and hold him,

  [weakly] 

  Capt. Kirk : ... and get these tribbles off the bridge.

• Capt. Kirk : What evidence do you have against Mister Jones?

  Nilz Baris : My assistant here has kept Mister Jones under close surveillance for quite some time, and his actions have been most suspicious. I believe he was involved in that little altercation between your men and the men from...

  Capt. Kirk : Yes, yes. Go on. What else do you have?

  Arne Darvin : Well Captain, I've checked his ship's log, and it seems that he was within the Klingon's sphere of influence less than four months ago.

  Nilz Baris : The man is an independent scout, Captain. It is quite possible he is also a Klingon spy.

  Spock : We have already checked on the background of Mister Cyrano Jones. He is a licensed asteroid locator and prospector. He's never broken the law, at least not severely. For the past seven years, with his one-man spaceship, he's obtained a marginal living by engaging in the buying and selling of rare merchandise, including, unfortunately, tribbles.