Star Trek (TV Series)

The Trouble with Tribbles (1967)

DeForest Kelley: Dr. McCoy

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Quotes 

• Dr. McCoy : It is a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if they're attractive in some way.

  Spock : Doctor, I am well aware of human characteristics. I am frequently inundated by them, but I've trained myself to put up with practically anything.

  Dr. McCoy : Spock, I don't know too much about these little tribbles yet, but there is one thing that I have discovered.

  Spock : What is that, Doctor?

  Dr. McCoy : I like them... better than I like you.

  Spock : Doctor?

  Dr. McCoy : Yes?

  Spock : They do indeed have one redeeming characteristic.

  Dr. McCoy : What's that?

  Spock : They do not talk too much. If you'll excuse me, sir.

• Dr. McCoy : Lieutenant, do you mind if I take one of these down to the lab to see what makes it tick?

  Uhura : Well, all right, Doctor, but if you're gonna dissect it, I don't want to know about it.

  Dr. McCoy : I won't harm a hair on its head... wherever that is.

• Dr. McCoy : Do you know what you get if you feed a tribble too much?

  Capt. Kirk : A fat tribble.

  Dr. McCoy : No. You get a whole bunch of hungry little tribbles.

  Capt. Kirk : Well, Bones, all I can suggest... is you open up a maternity ward.

• Spock : [of the tribbles]  They remind me of the lilies of the field. They toil not, neither do they spin. But they seem to eat a great deal. I see no practical use for them.

  Dr. McCoy : Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They're nice, they're soft and they're furry, and they make a pleasant sound.

  Spock : So would an ermine violin, Doctor, but I see no advantage in having one.

• Dr. McCoy : [enters after Kirk gets covered with tribbles]  Jim! I think I've got it. All we have to do is quit feeding them. We quit feeding them, they stop breeding!

  Capt. Kirk : Now he tells me.

• Dr. McCoy : [scanning Darvin]  Heartbeat is all wrong. His body temperature is...

  Dr. McCoy : [realizing]  Jim, this man is a Klingon.

• Capt. Kirk : Lt. Uhura, how did all these tribbles get on the bridge?

  Uhura : I don't know, sir. They do seem to be all over the ship.

  Capt. Kirk : Dr. McCoy.

  Dr. McCoy : Yes, did you want to see me, Jim?

  [Kirk hands him some tribbles] 

  Dr. McCoy : Well don't look at me, it's the tribbles that are breeding and if we don't get them off the ship were gonna be hip deep in them.

  Capt. Kirk : Would you explain.

  Dr. McCoy : The only thing that I can figure out is that they're born pregnant... which seems to be quite a timesaver.

  Capt. Kirk : I know but really...

  Dr. McCoy : And, from my observations if seems they're bisexual, reproducing at will. And brother, have they got a lot of will.

  Spock : Captain, I'm forced to agree with the doctor. I've been running computations on their rate of reproduction. The figures are taking an alarming direction. They are consuming our supplies and returning nothing.

  Uhura : Oh, but they do give us something, Mr. Spock. They give us love. Well, Cyrano Jones says that a tribble is the only love that money can buy.

  Capt. Kirk : Too much of anything, lieutenant, even love isn't necessarily a good thing.

  Uhura : Yes, captain.

  Capt. Kirk : Get a maintenance crew to clean up the entire ship and then contact Mr. Lurry and tell him I'm beaming down.

  Uhura : Aye, aye, sir.

  Capt. Kirk : Have him find Cyrano Jones and hold him,

  [weakly] 

  Capt. Kirk : ... and get these tribbles off the bridge.

• Capt. Kirk : I wanna know what killed these tribbles.

  Dr. McCoy : I haven't figured out what keeps them alive yet.

• Capt. Kirk : Bones, what've you got for a headache?

  Dr. McCoy : Let me guess: the Klingons, Baris...

  Capt. Kirk : Both.