"Mystery Science Theater 3000" 'Manos' the Hands of Fate (TV Episode 1993) Poster

Trace Beaulieu: Crow T. Robot, Dr. Clayton Forrester


  • Joel : So, it's Manos...

    Crow T. Robot : ...the Hands of Fate?

    Joel : Yes.

  • Crow T. Robot : [Torgo has left the family's bags into the house]  I LeFt a piEce of cHeWed GuM on yoUr pilLoW.

  • [shot of a burning torch] 

    Crow T. Robot : I'm Tom Bodett, and we'll leave a pyre on for ya.

  • [as the toga-wearing women wrestle in the desert in 'Manos: the Hands of Fate'... ] 

    Joel : Next, on ESPN - Full-Contact Nightgown Wrestling.

    Crow T. Robot : Designing Women: The Lost Episodes.

    Tom Servo : And now the Manos Women's Guide will reenact the Battle of Pearl Harbor.

    Joel : You know, this was the alternate ending to Beaches.

    Crow T. Robot : I see London, I see France, I see everybody's underpants! Ha-ha.

    Tom Servo : You know, this isn't Lysistrata. I LIKE it, but it isn't Lysistrata.

    Joel : You know, after this, they're gonna laugh and cry and pierce each other's ears.

    Crow T. Robot : Yep. Yep. It's the Wilson Phillips break up.

    Tom Servo : Kind of wish this was shirts versus skins.

    Joel : Heeey!

    Crow T. Robot : Heh-heh-heh. Oh...

    Tom Servo : Hoo-hoo, zing!

    Joel : [sings]  Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.

    Crow T. Robot : [as the women continue wrestling]  You know what this movie really needs?

    Tom Servo : What's that?

    Crow T. Robot : It's Mark Singer.

    Joel : Oh, yeah.

    Tom Servo : I'm guessin' THIS is the whole reason this movie was made, right here.

    Joel : Pow! Boff! Smack!

  • [Watching Torgo walk over to the car] 

    Joel : Uh, that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo.

    Crow T. Robot : Been hittin' the Thighmaster, Torgo?

  • Crow T. Robot : I wish those hands would just push him over.

  • [a child comes home leading a devil dog] 

    Crow T. Robot : It's a devil and it's fun!

    Tom Servo : His name's Mephisto, can we keep him?

  • Dr. Forrester : Frank, where is our pizza? It's been two hours since you ordered.

    TV's Frank : Well, I called Togo's Pizza. They were busy, so I ended up having to order from Torgo's Pizza.

    Dr. Forrester : Come in.

    Torgo : [Torgo enters, the music from 'Manos: The Hands of Fate' in the background]  LaRgE SaUsAgE AnD MuShRoOm... ThIn CrUsT?

    TV's Frank : That's us.

    Torgo : ThE ToTaL Is $14.50, pLeaSe.

    Dr. Forrester : Here!

    Torgo : Do... YoU HaVe AnYtHiNg SmAlLeR? I OnLy CaRrY TwEnTy DoLlArS In ChAnGe.

    Dr. Forrester : That's all I have.

    TV's Frank : I have a twenty.

    Dr. Forrester : Well, why didn't you give him the twenty?

    TV's Frank : I was... I was saving it, you know...

    Dr. Forrester : Would you please give him the twenty?

    Torgo : WeLl, ThAnK YoU. I'lL... GeT YoUr... ChAnGe.

    Dr. Forrester : Oh, keep it!

    Torgo : ThAnK YoU VeRy MuCh, SiR. LeT Me... JuSt GeT YoUr CoMpLiMeNtArY CrAzY BrEaD.

    Dr. Forrester , TV's Frank : NO! No, no, no, that's okay! That's quite all right.

    TV's Frank : Hey, what about our pop?

    Torgo : I LeFt It In ThE... CaR. I'lL Be RiGhT BaCk.

    Dr. Forrester , TV's Frank : Oh.

    Dr. Forrester : Until next time, Joel. Push the Button, Frank.

    TV's Frank : Say, you know, it's been two hours, but it's still pretty warm.

    Torgo : [as Frank and Forrester spit up their pizza]  ThEy AlWaYs Do ThAt.

  • Crow T. Robot : [as Debbie, on the dog]  His heartbeat's irregular!

  • [Torgo peeps in at Margaret as she undresses] 

    Joel : [to the 'bots]  Oh, listen, you guys. That's it. This is not for your eyes. I don't care. Uh-uh.

    Tom Servo : [excitedly as Joel covers his and Crow's eyes]  What is it? What is it? What's going on, Joel?

    Joel : Shame on you, Dr. Forrester. Have you no sense of decency?

    Crow T. Robot : What? What? Is Torgo juggling?

    Tom Servo : Joel, we can handle THIS.

    Crow T. Robot : Ho-ho, it's the latest episode of the Taster's Choice saga.

    Joel : Showers, anyone?

  • Mr. Warren : I remember one of the first things that Harry drilled into me...

    Crow T. Robot : Was Harry.

  • TV's Frank : Uh, guys, uh, I know this is not normal procedure for me to do this, but, uh...

    Dr. Forrester : [off-screen]  Frank, I'm out of the shower! I need you to towel me off!

    TV's Frank : Uh, coming, sir!

    TV's Frank : [hushed voice]  Uh, I just wanted to say how really sorry I am about "Manos: the Hands of Fate." I mean, I know it's our job to send you really bad movies, but this time, even I have to admit, we really went too far. I'm really sorry.

  • [Frank is dressed as an executioner] 

    Dr. Forrester : Oh, Joel. A hearty hello to you and yours. Let me just say this about today's invention exchange - let them eat... chocolate.

    TV's Frank : That's right J...

    TV's Frank : [finds the mouth opening in his hood]  That's right, Joel. Our invention this week is based on one's natural inclination to bite the heads off of chocolate bunnies.

    Dr. Forrester : That's right, Frank.

    Dr. Forrester : [steps aside to reveal guillotine]  That's why we've invented the chocolate bunny guillotine. Eliminate the guess work in biting the heads off bunnies. Heh-heh-heh-heh. Ready, Mr. Executioner?

    TV's Frank : Yes, my liege.

    Dr. Forrester : [producing a scroll]  You have stolen painted eggs in a time of famine. Uh, off with their head Frank.

    [Frank cuts the string] 

    Dr. Forrester : And no chocolate mess. Well, poopsies?

    Tom Servo : [crying]  What about the pardon from Fanny Farmer?

    Crow T. Robot : Yeah. His only crime was being born delicious!

  • Crow T. Robot : [as the demon dog,who stares at the camera]  Can... can you hold that one card up? What's it say? Oh, yeah - 'Arf.

  • Joel : Well, c'mon, I think this cloak exudes power and manliness. And, uh, hey, look, I got a horrifying hellbeast right here.

    [Crow pops up on a leash] 

    Joel : It's pretty scary.

    Tom Servo : Well, you just look like Maude with a hellbeast.

    Crow T. Robot : Oh, you mean Estelle Getty?

    Joel : But, Tom, look!

    Tom Servo : C'mon, Joel! The cloak is grand, the workmanship is superb, but a neat caftan doesn't automatically qualify you as the devil's spin doctor.

    Joel : Oh, c'mon. Look, it's lined, I got inside pockets, I got a little special one for my Mentos. It's even got a cotton panel...

    Crow T. Robot : Uh, Joel, uh, Tom's right. Um, um... It's just not working. You're not the evil type.

    Joel : W-what do you mean?

    Crow T. Robot : Well, for one thing, your... your face is too friendly; uh, second, your eyebrows, they arc softly as opposed to jutting inward; and, well, frankly, Joel, you... blush in the most adorable way.

    Joel : This is really embarassing. Oh, great, the Mads are calling.

  • Crow T. Robot : Joel, this is gonna turn into a snuff film.

    Joel : Oh, the mads wouldn't do this. This is not a snuff film, I guarantee it.

  • Crow T. Robot : [when Torgo appears one bit of music keeps playing over and over]  Ahh, yes, the haunting Torgo theme.

  • Dr. Forrester : Dig this, mes amis. Your "average" Joe has never seen a film like today's experiment. Your "average" person on the street has not even begun to conceptualize the horror which is your experiment today, Mr. "Joel Average." I give to you "Manos: the Hands of Fate," served with a short, the stirring conclusion to "Hired!"

  • Dr. Forrester : Uh, hi, fellas. Look, I, uh, I-I just wanted to let you know, I know this movie's a tough one, and I just wanted to let you know I feel for ya. I...

    TV's Frank : [off-screen]  Doctor? Caramel corn's ready. Do you want it in your Little Mermaid bowl?

    Dr. Forrester : Uh, fine, sure.

    Dr. Forrester : Now, you realize if you tell Frank I've done this, I'll have to kill him, so let's not, okay? 'Nuff said? All righty? Buh-bye.

  • Margaret : "Wants" me? What kind of talk is that?

    Crow T. Robot : Why, it's oily, sleazy talk.

  • Crow T. Robot : [on Torgo]  He's got Earl Campbell thighs.

  • Master's wife : Your power failed you.

    Crow T. Robot : You know what she's REALLY saying.

  • The Master : Arise my wives...

    Crow T. Robot : And iron my work shirt!

  • [the Master leans over and touches a stone] 

    Crow T. Robot : EHHH! Uh, Stephanie, bring me some coffee and a pop tart.

  • The Master : You have failed and you must die!

    Joel : [as Torgo]  You can't kill me, I quit!

    [the Master advances] 

    Tom Servo : [as Torgo]  I'm... going to have to ask for my last paycheck right now, Sir

    [the Master's advance continues] 

    Crow T. Robot : [as Torgo]  What? What? Neh. Uh. N-n-n-n.

  • Crow T. Robot : [to Joel]  You see this butt? Well, kick this butt.

  • Crow T. Robot : [after ages of driving footage]  NO. Now their going back the other way.

    Joel : Hey, let's just pretend we're watching 'Trip to Bountiful,' huh?

  • Margaret : [singing]  Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...

    Debbie , Tom Servo , Michael : [as Margaret sings "Merrily, merrily"... ]  Row, row, row your boat...

    Tom Servo : Come on, sing, sing, sing, damn it, sing!

    Margaret , Debbie , Tom Servo , Michael , Joel , Crow T. Robot : [MST3K gang joining in]  Row, row, row your boat...

    Tom Servo : [maniacally]  That's it, sing, "Down the Stream," yes!

  • Crow T. Robot : You led me on, you gave me mixed signals.

  • Joel , Crow T. Robot , Tom Servo : [in unison]  Ziggy has Garfield neutered? Now that's funny!

  • Crow T. Robot : Goodnight. Stay pink, soft and oily.

  • Crow T. Robot : [as scenes of farmland go by]  I'm sure they dissolve to the same scene.

  • Crow T. Robot : In summary... "Manos: The Hands of Fate."

    Joel : Manos, the Hands of Fate. Manos.

  • Crow T. Robot : Is she telling him a secret?

    Joel : Mm-hm.

    Crow T. Robot : All over him.

  • Crow T. Robot : [noting on the all day/all night patrolmen]  These guys have the longest shift.

  • Crow T. Robot : [as the flute music continues]  Look, can we drop off Tim Weisberg, now?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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