"Mystery Science Theater 3000" 'Manos' the Hands of Fate (TV Episode 1993) Poster

Joel Hodgson: Joel Robinson


  • Joel : You know, every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph.

  • Joel : So, it's Manos...

    Crow T. Robot : ...the Hands of Fate?

    Joel : Yes.

  • [the Master confronts Torgo, who has just woken up. There is a long silence] 

    Joel : [yells]  Do something! God!

  • The Master : Silence!

    Joel : Is golden!

    The Master : Silence!

    Joel : Is golden!

  • [as the toga-wearing women wrestle in the desert in 'Manos: the Hands of Fate'... ] 

    Joel : Next, on ESPN - Full-Contact Nightgown Wrestling.

    Crow T. Robot : Designing Women: The Lost Episodes.

    Tom Servo : And now the Manos Women's Guide will reenact the Battle of Pearl Harbor.

    Joel : You know, this was the alternate ending to Beaches.

    Crow T. Robot : I see London, I see France, I see everybody's underpants! Ha-ha.

    Tom Servo : You know, this isn't Lysistrata. I LIKE it, but it isn't Lysistrata.

    Joel : You know, after this, they're gonna laugh and cry and pierce each other's ears.

    Crow T. Robot : Yep. Yep. It's the Wilson Phillips break up.

    Tom Servo : Kind of wish this was shirts versus skins.

    Joel : Heeey!

    Crow T. Robot : Heh-heh-heh. Oh...

    Tom Servo : Hoo-hoo, zing!

    Joel : [sings]  Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.

    Crow T. Robot : [as the women continue wrestling]  You know what this movie really needs?

    Tom Servo : What's that?

    Crow T. Robot : It's Mark Singer.

    Joel : Oh, yeah.

    Tom Servo : I'm guessin' THIS is the whole reason this movie was made, right here.

    Joel : Pow! Boff! Smack!

  • Joel : [dressed in a Manos-like robe]  Salutations, imperfect one! I am The Master and you are mysteriously drawn to me! Everything I say you must do right away without having to ask twice. I am evil and mean and unforgiving! In your brokenness, you have failed and now must repent. Bow down now before me! BOW DOWN!

    Tom Servo : Oh, hi, Joel.

    Joel : [softly]  Oh, come on, Tom. I was just commanding you to do my will. Besides, look: Come to me for I am the magnet and you are steel!

    Tom Servo : Well, you look like Maude.

  • Joel : [as the master slowly awakens]  Oh, man, I don't mind tellin' ya, my bladder has hit critical mass.

  • Joel : [during The Master's uncomfortably long laughter scene]  I think he has the most musical laugh I've heard.

  • [Watching Torgo walk over to the car] 

    Joel : Uh, that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo.

    Crow T. Robot : Been hittin' the Thighmaster, Torgo?

  • [Torgo peeps in at Margaret as she undresses] 

    Joel : [to the 'bots]  Oh, listen, you guys. That's it. This is not for your eyes. I don't care. Uh-uh.

    Tom Servo : [excitedly as Joel covers his and Crow's eyes]  What is it? What is it? What's going on, Joel?

    Joel : Shame on you, Dr. Forrester. Have you no sense of decency?

    Crow T. Robot : What? What? Is Torgo juggling?

    Tom Servo : Joel, we can handle THIS.

    Crow T. Robot : Ho-ho, it's the latest episode of the Taster's Choice saga.

    Joel : Showers, anyone?

  • Joel : [when the family's car pulls over next to a razed paddock]  Visit beautiful Ground Zero!

  • Joel : Well, c'mon, I think this cloak exudes power and manliness. And, uh, hey, look, I got a horrifying hellbeast right here.

    [Crow pops up on a leash] 

    Joel : It's pretty scary.

    Tom Servo : Well, you just look like Maude with a hellbeast.

    Crow T. Robot : Oh, you mean Estelle Getty?

    Joel : But, Tom, look!

    Tom Servo : C'mon, Joel! The cloak is grand, the workmanship is superb, but a neat caftan doesn't automatically qualify you as the devil's spin doctor.

    Joel : Oh, c'mon. Look, it's lined, I got inside pockets, I got a little special one for my Mentos. It's even got a cotton panel...

    Crow T. Robot : Uh, Joel, uh, Tom's right. Um, um... It's just not working. You're not the evil type.

    Joel : W-what do you mean?

    Crow T. Robot : Well, for one thing, your... your face is too friendly; uh, second, your eyebrows, they arc softly as opposed to jutting inward; and, well, frankly, Joel, you... blush in the most adorable way.

    Joel : This is really embarassing. Oh, great, the Mads are calling.

  • Joel : What happened to the bright young Torgo I hired?

  • Joel : "Manos: The Hands of Fate" was filmed on location in a vacant lot.

  • Crow T. Robot : Joel, this is gonna turn into a snuff film.

    Joel : Oh, the mads wouldn't do this. This is not a snuff film, I guarantee it.

  • The Master : You have failed and you must die!

    Joel : [as Torgo]  You can't kill me, I quit!

    [the Master advances] 

    Tom Servo : [as Torgo]  I'm... going to have to ask for my last paycheck right now, Sir

    [the Master's advance continues] 

    Crow T. Robot : [as Torgo]  What? What? Neh. Uh. N-n-n-n.

  • Joel : You know, uh, Torgo wobbles but he won't fall down.

  • Crow T. Robot : [after ages of driving footage]  NO. Now their going back the other way.

    Joel : Hey, let's just pretend we're watching 'Trip to Bountiful,' huh?

  • Margaret : [singing]  Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...

    Debbie , Tom Servo , Michael : [as Margaret sings "Merrily, merrily"... ]  Row, row, row your boat...

    Tom Servo : Come on, sing, sing, sing, damn it, sing!

    Margaret , Debbie , Tom Servo , Michael , Joel , Crow T. Robot : [MST3K gang joining in]  Row, row, row your boat...

    Tom Servo : [maniacally]  That's it, sing, "Down the Stream," yes!

  • Joel , Crow T. Robot , Tom Servo : [in unison]  Ziggy has Garfield neutered? Now that's funny!

  • Crow T. Robot : In summary... "Manos: The Hands of Fate."

    Joel : Manos, the Hands of Fate. Manos.

  • Joel : Are you part of the movie we're in?

  • Joel : Man, I can't help but wonder what this cast party was like when they shot this.

  • Joel : You know, this scene is strong enough for a Manos but made for a Womanos... I think.

  • Master's wife : Maybe she's right. Maybe we should spare the child.

    Joel : And spoil the rod.

  • Crow T. Robot : Is she telling him a secret?

    Joel : Mm-hm.

    Crow T. Robot : All over him.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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