The Simpsons (TV Series)

Two Bad Neighbors (1996)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson

Quotes 

• Marge : Can we get rid of this Ayatollah tee-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.

  Homer : But Marge, it works on any Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... Even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmara and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power!

• Homer : He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?

  Bart : I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.

  Grampa : Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions!

  Marge : Grampa, I know in your day spanking was common... but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.

  Grampa : And that's why your no-good kids are running wild!

  [Pointing the finger at Lisa while reading the book] 

• Marge : [in his car, Bush does donuts in the front yard]  President Bush is driving on our lawn! He must be lost.

  Homer : [darkly]  He's not lost.

  Bart : Looks like we're experiencing some blowback from the wig offensive.

  Homer : It's time to hit him where he lives.

  Bart : His house?

  Homer : Bingo.

• Bart : Wow! A former president living right across the street.

  Homer : Oh! Why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot. Stupid president. Why couldn't he just stay in his own state?

  Lisa Simpson : Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.

  Homer : Wait a minute. If Lisa didn't vote for him, and I didn't vote for him...

  Marge : You didn't vote for anybody.

  Homer : I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. After that, I became deeply cynical.

• Marge : [going through junk to get rid of]  Well, we don't need this.

  Homer : But, Marge, that's the Rhinestone Nights fashion gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing.

  Marge : [he holds up a denim jacket]  Who's Disco Stu?

  Homer : Oh, uh, I wanted to write "Disco stud", but I ran out of space. Not that Disco Stu didn't get his share of the action.

• Homer : Marge, I'm bored.

  Marge : Why don't you read something?

  Homer : Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.

  Marge : Well, you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale. You'd get some fresh air and exercise.

  Homer : Eh, I'll do it anyway.

  [grabbing a passing Bart] 

  Homer : Come on, boy. We're going to see the neighbors.

• Marge : Are you interested in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner?

  Principal Skinner : [she turns it on]  Hmm... it's awfully loud.

  Marge : Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack.

  Principal Skinner : [scoffing as she does so]  But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass.

  [leaving, then coming back] 

  Principal Skinner : Have you sold that tie rack yet?

  Marge : No.

  Principal Skinner : I'll take it.

• Homer : [looking Bush up in the encyclopedia]  All right. His story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.

  Marge : Homie, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy.

  Homer : Well, she can always depend on that.

  [he glances at the car out in the driveway, nervously shifting his eyes back and forth] 

• Barbara Bush : I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.

  Marge : Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.

  Barbara Bush : Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.