The Simpsons (TV Series)
Two Bad Neighbors (1996)
Harry Shearer: Dick, Ned Flanders, Dr. Julius Hibbert, Principal Skinner, George H.W. Bush, Lenny
Quotes
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Bart : Did your Secret Service goons ever whack anybody, George?
George Bush : You know in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first names.
Bart : [sarcastically] Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George.
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George Bush : Ohh, if he thinks George Bush will stay out of the sewer, he doesn't know George Bush.
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Homer : [in an exaggerated tone] Yoo-hoo.!
George Bush : Who is it?
Homer : [in an exaggerated tone] It's your sons, George Bush, Jr. and Jeb Bush. Come outside, Dad.
George Bush : Oh, good.
[yells]
George Bush : Bar! The boys are in the front yard. They'll help me think of a plan to get those Simpsons.
Barbara Bush : Oh, George! Is that all you ever think about? The boys probably just want a letter of recommendation.
[George Bush steps outside the front door as the cardboard cutouts roll upwards]
George Bush : Boys? Where are you going?
Homer : [shouts to Bart as he is on the roof] Okay, son. Give him the glue!
[Bart squeezes glue onto George's head from the roof and Homer slaps a rainbow afro wig on and runs away]
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[President Bush has put up a poster on the front of the house with crudely drawn pictures of Homer and Bart on it. It reads 'Two Bad Neighbors']
Dr. Julius Hibbert : [confused] I- I don't understand. Are you saying you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
George Bush : [annoyed] No! That's not Bar and me. It's them.
[Bush points at the Simpsons' house]
Ned Flanders : Who? Maude and me?
George Bush : No. The man and his boy. You know, the- the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man.
[calls in to his wife, Barbara]
George Bush : Bar! What's the name of the man?
Barbara Bush : [calling out to George] I'm not getting involved, George.
George Bush : Look, just never mind. I thought the banner was pretty straightforward, but I guess I'll just take it down.
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George Bush : What the- Great Scott! Don't touch that. That's the alpenhorn Helmut Kohl gave me.
Bart : Where'd you get those pajamas?
George Bush : They're presidential pajamas. You have to be president, and you're not president.
Bart : Yes, I am.
George Bush : D- No, you're not. Bar!
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[Bart is rummaging through the Bush's ktchen drawers]
Bart : Hey, where's your candy?
George Bush : We don't have any. Now go away!
Barbara Bush : George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.
George Bush : [under his breath] Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.
Barbara Bush : What's that?
George Bush : Oh, nothing.
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[Bart has accidentally shredded George's memoirs and George turns toward him angrily]
Bart : Whoa, man!
George Bush : Whoa, nothing. I'm going to do something your daddy should have done a long time ago.
[George turns Bart over his knee and spanks him]
George Bush : Now go home and think about what you've done, young man!
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Homer : For the last time, Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
George Bush : Never! You make him apologize for destroying my memoirs.
Homer : [to Bart] You didn't tell me you destroyed his memoirs.
Homer : [yells at George] Never!
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Maude Flanders : What brings you to Springfield?
Barbara Bush : Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again, go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.
George Bush : Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.
Rod Flanders : But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.
Todd Flanders : There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.
Ned Flanders : [laughing nervously] Now, Todd, don't scare the president.
[as if on cue, they see Bart skateboard past]
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George Bush : [giving a speech] And that's why I will continue to oppose teen alcoholism in all its forms.
[as the audience applauds, it's revealed he tried to cut off the rainbow-colored wig Homer and Bart glued on]
George Bush : Now, are there any questions?
[hands are raised]
George Bush : Keeping in mind that I already explained about my hair.
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George Bush : I'll ruin you like a Japanese banquet
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[George is showing Bart his photo albums]
Bart : Who's that, George?
George Bush : That's me with Charlton Heston. He was...
Bart : [interrupts] ... Who's that, George?
George Bush : You wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of...
Bart : [interrupts] ... That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?
George Bush : [annoyed] Maybe he thinks Bart is a dumb...
Bart : [interrupts] ... How many times were you president, George?
George Bush : Just once.
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Barbara Bush : George! This is the last straw. You apologize to Homer right now!
George Bush : But Bar, we can't show any weakness in front of the Russians.
Barbara Bush : [reproachful] George...
George Bush : Yes, dear.
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Homer : You owe me an apology.
George Bush : Hey, you owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.
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George Bush : Hi, there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush.
[shocked stares]
George Bush : Former President George Bush?
[murmurs of recognition]
Homer : Okay, let's give it up for the new guy. Now, let's all turn around and pay attention to me again.
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Bart : Hey, what's this?
George Bush : My electric card shuffler. Don't go near the...
[Bart sends cards flying everywhere]
George Bush : Now, I told you. Oh... those cards were from Air Force One, and they only give you so many packs.
Barbara Bush : Oh, George, boys will be boys. Bart's just being friendly. Why don't you get off that sofa and show Bart your photos?
George Bush : Oh, but he'll gunk 'em all up. His hands are probably covered with mud and cookies.
[Bart shows him his clean hands]
George Bush : Well... probably stole a napkin.
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Homer : [pulling into the Krusty Burger drive-thru] Oh, man! I only got one minute 'til they stop serving those breakfast balls.
[seeing another car already in line]
Homer : D'oh!
George Bush : Let's see now. What do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a Krusty Burger. That doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
Squeaky-Voiced Teen : [over the intercom] Uh, we don't have stew.
Ray Johnson : [Homer starts honking his horn impatiently] Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
George Bush : Oh, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
Homer : Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
George Bush : That guy is louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
Ray Johnson : [going back to Homer's car] Sir, could you pop your hood?
Homer : [as he does so, Ray disables the horn] Hey! My taxes paid for that horn.
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Marge : Are you interested in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner?
Principal Skinner : [she turns it on] Hmm... it's awfully loud.
Marge : Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack.
Principal Skinner : [scoffing as she does so] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass.
[leaving, then coming back]
Principal Skinner : Have you sold that tie rack yet?
Marge : No.
Principal Skinner : I'll take it.
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Ray Johnson : You want to step back, sir? You're trampling the flowers.
Homer : Ooh! Hiding behind your goons, eh, Bush? Ooh! Well, *you* are a wimp!
George Bush : [his lip trembling] Wimp... am I? Agent Johnson? Agent Heintz? You men, stand down.
[shrugging, they do so, and he opens the gate]
George Bush : All right, mister. You want trouble, you're gonna get trouble.
Homer : Oh, I want trouble, all right.
George Bush : Then you're gonna get trouble.
Homer : No, *you're* gonna get trouble.
George Bush : Oh, that's good, that's good, 'cause I want trouble.
Homer : Then we're agreed there'll be trouble.
George Bush : Oh, yeah, lots of trouble.
Homer : Trouble, it is.
George Bush : For you.
Homer : For...
[Bush slams his front door]
Homer : D'oh!
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Ned Flanders : [providing running commentary on the rummage sale] Well, sir, looks like we got some nice items here at table Glick. Like this; what the heckaroonie is this, Mrs. Glick?
Mrs. Glick : [taking his microphone] It is a candy dish, Ned. $90.
Ned Flanders : Uh-huh. Well, I, uh... I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there.
Mrs. Glick : No! Just candy, Ned. $90.
Ned Flanders : [leaving, he sees a realtor putting a "sold" sign on the house across the street] Well, looks like somebody sold something today.
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Ned Flanders : Howdily-doodily, there, President Bush. Or should I say President neighbor? I'm Ned Flanders, and this is Maude, Rod, and Todd.
George Bush : Well, howdily-doodily yourself there, Ned. This is my wife, Barbara. Call her Bar. Would you like some lemonade?
Ned Flanders : Tip-top-notch!
George Bush : Okily-dokily.
Ned Flanders : Thankily-dankily.
[taking a sip]
Ned Flanders : Greatalicious.
George Bush : Scrumpdiddlerific!
Ned Flanders , George Bush : Fine and dandy like sour candy.
George Bush : Bar's a whiz with cold drinks, aren't you, Bar? Don't understand lemonade myself. Not my forte.
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George Bush : [after doing donuts in the Simpsons' front yard, satisfied with his work] Hmm. Can't decide if this'll be considered feisty or crazy.