Four troubled orphans from four separate movie scenarios who are bound together in a wacky chocolate factory after receiving golden tickets to go on an 'epic adventure.' After they escape from the clutches of a very scary Willy Wonka they discover the magical world of 'Gnarnia' through an enchanted wardrobe. There they must seek the help of a randy lion, a hoard of mutants from the x academy, students of witchcraft and wizardry, funky swash-buckling pirates and a mischievous beaver to defeat the evil white bitch!Written by
The 93-minute unrated version is about 9 minutes longer and includes the following changes:
There is a shot of some paintings in the museum.
During the Da Vinci Code spoof, Lucy says: "I haven't seen the book on tape".
The dance that the museum curator does is longer.
When the Jack Black look-a-like is screaming "Nacho!", he screams for longer.
During the 'Snakes on a Plane' spoof, the Samuel L. Jackson look-a-like replaces every time he says "goddamn" with "motherf**kin".
The dance that Mystique does is longer.
When Willy Wonka comes out of the factory, his entrance is longer, and he welcomes everyone using their first names.
The scene where Edward is eating out of the chocolate river (and is then told that it is the sewer line) is longer.
When Lucy opens the closet, the bikini girl is now naked, and she doesn't tell Lucy to not go in the wardrobe.
The scene where Lucy gets her tongue frozen to the pole is longer, where she uses a knife to try and cut it off, then tries an axe.
When one of the faun girls goes below the camera, Mr. Tumnus makes a thumbs-up gesture.
The scene where Mr. Tumnus tells Lucy to leave is longer, with Lucy saying farewell, and then sneezes in a handkerchief, and gives it to Mr. Tumnus.
The scene with the camera message is longer.
The scene where Edward first meets the White Bitch is way longer, including a part where Edward drinks out of the liquor bottle.
When it shows the Superman spoof, Peter says "You shot me in the f**king eye!" instead of "fricking".
Lucy uses a UV light on a painting in Mr. Tumnus' house and deciphers a secret message, which says to look on a message decoder. She deciphers the message, which says: "Get crunk!" and Susan opens the decoder, which has their birth certificates in it.
The scene where Mr. Tumnus sees Harry Beaver again is slightly different.
There is an extended scene where Harry Beaver gets a text on his cell phone.
There is a scene where the White Bitch is talking about her weapon of mass destruction, and her minion says: "Yo, Bitch, that's basically the plot of Superman Returns".
When Jack Swallows rescues Edward and introduces himself, there is some extra dialogue.
The pirate music video with the girls shows some different shots near the end of the song.
When Jack Swallows gets killed, the scene is longer.
When Peter, Lucy, Susan, and Edward are on their way to meet Aslo, there is a brief spoof of Borat.
When the heroes first meet Aslo, they find him in bed with a woman. The woman jumps out of bed, topless, and says: "Screw you, Aslo". You then see Aslo has an erection.
There is an extra scene where Edward is in a cell with Mel Gibson, who says he likes to sleep naked. Edward then kicks him in the nuts (this scene is in the theatrical version, but is at the end credits).
After the heroes all have sex with Aslo, Peter says: "My butt's sore".
When Harry Beaver shows the heroes the magazine, there is some extra text on the magazine.
The puking scene is way longer.
The sex scene between Mystique and Peter has some extra dialogue near the beginning.
When Peter slows the woman jogging, it then turns out to be a fat man. There is a slightly extended scene of a man jogging with large genitals.
There is a scene with the remote where it says: "Erase the White Bitch's evil plot?".
The ending is slightly different.
There are a production outtake reel during the end credits.
Written by Mike Hornak, Adam Andersen, Jeff Zazueta, Jimmy Rees and Collin Torres
Performed by Stigma
Courtesy of Stigma
By arrangement with Format See more »
This thing won't let me vote below a 1....
After watching this movie, I just couldn't stop talking about it. Mind you, not in the sense that someone can't stop talking about a great book or show, but more along the line of how someone can't stop talking about their colonoscopy during a diner conversation. In other words, after seeing this you can't help but try and remove the stain it left on your very soul by vomiting out the experience onto others.
This movie entered with the tag line of being "written by two of the six writers of 'Scary Movie'!" What they forgot to mention is that the two who wrote it were only responsible for writing the credits and all the jokes deleted for the sake of not causing mass suicide. Put more delicately, this movie almost makes Pootie Tang look Oscar worthy, which ironically enough was made fun of in the last Scary Movie for being horrid. Coincidence? Yeah, not even some sort of Karma dealing fiend would wish this movie upon the world.
"So," you ask, "What makes it so bad?" I bet your thinking that all of the funny stuff was in the previews, right? No, actually there was no funny content in the previews at all, it just seemed that way when taken out of the context of the movie. Much the same way "Hogan's Heroes" was funny to people who weren't in Auschwitz during the Holocaust, the previews are funny to those who haven't seen the movie. When you actually see the movie, you start to ask, "Why was that funny in the preview?" The answer: You can see pretty flowers if you ignore the fact that they are growing from the corpse of a man who died during a freak green house accident.
Do yourself a favor, rent a History channel documentary on the history of documentaries and hit yourself in the head with a hammer. It'll be twice as funny, make three times more sense, and be only a fifth as painful.
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