Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Russell Brand: Aldous Snow

Photos 

Quotes 

• [after faking an orgasm to upstage Peter and Rachel in the next room] 

  Aldous Snow : You're still involved with him next door, ain't ya?

  Sarah Marshall : Excuse me?

  Aldous Snow : You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then you came back here and put on that ghastly performance. I mean I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen one. It really deeply upset me.

  Sarah Marshall : You should've seen *yourself* at dinner.

  [Imitating Aldous's accent] 

  Sarah Marshall : "Oh, I'm Aldous Snow! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Oh no drinks for me thanks. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"

  Sarah Marshall : [Pointing to his tattoos] 

  [In normal accent] 

  Sarah Marshall : And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!

  Aldous Snow : Was that genuine or did you fake that? Right, I'm probably gonna clear off now. I'll have a little sleep for a few hours, then I'm probably gonna go in the morning. Okay.

  Sarah Marshall : I hate your music.

  Aldous Snow : Yeah, well I fucked the housekeeper, the other day.

• Aldous Snow : Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...

  Peter Bretter : I told her that when she read the script

  Aldous Snow : Yeah, you were the voice of reason, mate.

  Peter Bretter : I tried to be, but she didn't listen.

  Aldous Snow : Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders.

  Peter Bretter : Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?

  Aldous Snow : Right. That's it. The battle's over.

  Peter Bretter : Yeah, we've won.

  Aldous Snow : I hated it.

  Sarah Marshall : Well, it's not for everyone, but it...

  Peter Bretter : No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?

  [Peter feigns death] 

  Aldous Snow : Right. I could never happen.

  Sarah Marshall : It's a metaphor for addiction to technology.

  Rachel Jansen : For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you.

  Aldous Snow : It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

• Matthew : I have a question for you real quick Mr S, I was actually meaning to ask you, what did you exactly think of my demo? Did you get it? Did you get it?

  Aldous Snow : Oh no. I was gonna listen to that, but then I just carried on living my life.

  Matthew : Just not at all?

  Aldous Snow : No I didn't, because I've got my instincts and they weren't good.

  Matthew : [whispering]  Fuck you. Okay? Go fuck yourself. I can't yell right now, cause I'll get fired, and my boss ll' hear me, and then I won't be able to pay off my student loans, but you know what? You're an asshole. I fucking hate you. I bought all your records, this whole fucking time I've been trying to get you to come hang out with me. I'm gonna have people fuck with your food the rest of your trip! You fucking dick!

  [leaves] 

  Aldous Snow : I like him. That's quite moving.

• Aldous Snow : [holding a single sandal]  I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right...

• Aldous Snow : How you served five years under her, I don't know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody.

• Aldous Snow : Actually, Peter, I wanted to tell you, I was listening to Sarah's iPod the other day, and amidst the interminable dross that's on that thing, I found one track that I quite liked. So I checked what it was, and it was actually one of yours, and it kind of reminded me of a dark, gothic Neil Diamond. It's great.

  Peter Bretter : That's, like, exactly what I'm going for.

  Aldous Snow : Right, yeah.

  Peter Bretter : [clearly disappointed]  Fuck you're cool! It's so hard to say, because, like, I hate you in so many ways.

• Peter Bretter : I'm having a good time with Rachel and I want to see that through.

  Aldous Snow : Maybe you can have Rachel and Sarah,they got along alright at dinner.

  Peter Bretter : I'm not that kind of guy and even if I was I don't think I have the sexual competency to pull that off.

  Aldous Snow : Yeah its a gift.

• [from DVD gag reel] 

  Aldous Snow : [scene where Aldous is about to leave the hotel]  I would rather have my testicles spread out like a wafer and then have them covered in a layer of honey and then have wasps come and sting me and then have them covered in another layer of vinegar and then have it worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi. I'd rather have that than spend another second with her.

• Aldous Snow : Look at my limo driver. I'm going to have sex with her. Alright!

• Sarah Marshall : When were you planning on telling me this?

  Aldous Snow : I just told you, then.

  Sarah Marshall : Yeah. No, I know. But telling me now isn't really the same as telling me.

  Aldous Snow : Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment...

• [after bumping into Peter again] 

  Aldous Snow : Oh fuck me, this is a small resort.

• Aldous Snow : I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it... It really, deeply upset me.

• Peter Bretter : I can see why Sarah likes you.

  Aldous Snow : No accounting for taste, I suppose, in her case, anyway.

  Peter Bretter : Well, she was with me for five years, so there you go.

  Aldous Snow : Yeah, you got four on me then, mate.

  Peter Bretter : You slept with Sarah a year ago?

  Aldous Snow : I thought you knew! Peter, please, don't take it seriously.

  Peter Bretter : What the fuck, man! You...

  Aldous Snow : Don't get offended by that.

  Peter Bretter : You can't be so casual about this! This isn't Europe, okay? There are rules here!

• Sarah Marshall : Aldous... wake up.

  Aldous Snow : [Snores] 

  Sarah Marshall : Aldous... wake up... make love to me.

  Aldous Snow : Alright, you go on top though, cause I'm knackered.

• Matthew : Alright so i came here, to give you my demo. I just... I... I... I worship you and I just wanted to give you my demo. Just, take a listen, and...

  [sighs] 

  Matthew : ok. 'Cuz you know what, you don't wanna be the guy sittin' there, watchin' BBC, and sayin,

  [in British accent] 

  Matthew : "Oh! I saw that guy! He was my waiter and I totally dismissed him like everybody else does... in his life. And I totally, she was wrong cuz he's a major, major, major influence on me now... and I feel terrible!"

  Aldous Snow : That stupid English voice, was that, me?

  Matthew : Unfortunately, yes.

• Aldous Snow : [after spilling cranberry juice on his shirt]  Oh God, please take my eyes, but not the shirt!

• Aldous Snow : I had a girlfriend, right? And Liam and Noel Gallagher both had it off with her, right in front of me, so that's similar. And that was a bit awkward, actually, so if you do wanna change hotels, I quite understand.

• Aldous Snow : Come on tour with me. I'll serenade you every night in front of thousands of women.

  Sarah Marshall : I didn't know you were going on tour.

  Aldous Snow : Yeah, I'm going in two weeks. It's like an 18 month tour, 43 countries, Infant Sorrow, and it's gonna be a massive tour.

  Sarah Marshall : Yeah, I can't come cause I have a job. I'm a working actress.

  Aldous Snow : Not anymore. You're an unemployed actress. Perfect. You could be the queen of the groupies, queen of the Sorrow Suckers.

  Sarah Marshall : The Sorrow Suckers?

  Aldous Snow : Sorrow Suckers. I don't know why they call them that.

• [after Matthew's introduction at the 4th of July party] 

  Aldous Snow : Thank you. What a lovely introduction... from an eccentric and confident young man.

• [from trailer] 

  Matthew : I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?

  Aldous Snow : I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

• Sarah Marshall : I hate your music.

  Aldous Snow : Yeah well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

• Aldous Snow : Yeah, I had a girl cheat on me once, with both Liam Gallagher and Noel Gallagher.