American Dad! (TV Series)

An Apocalypse to Remember (2007)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien

Quotes 

• Stan Smith : [while stealing food at a camp for deaf kids]  Hey, I'm gonna just go in the kitchen and steal your food. Marlee Matlin sucks! Ah, you know, that's not fair. I really enjoyed her work on "The West Wing."

• Roger the Alien : [about Stan]  The boob strikes again.

• Klaus : Hurry up, Roger. "Grey's Anatomy" starts in just three minutes.

  Roger the Alien : Don't you think I know that? I'm trying to create a drink that matches the show in both taste and sinfulness. I call it "The Sandra Oh."

  Klaus : Mmm, I'd like to breath her bathwater.

• Roger the Alien : There's only one thing I do with non-blended drinks and that's drive.

• Stan Smith : Come on, you're not still mad about last night, are you? We met Morgan Freeman, didn't we? You got to shake his hand, Steve.

  Steve Smith : I was prying it off my throat.

  Stan Smith : Boy, was he riled up! You know he was the narrator in "March of the Penguins." Powerful, powerful piece of cinema. Never saw it.

• Stan Smith : Who's the boob? Is that what you call me behind my back?

  Francine Smith : It's just a nickname, honey. It's like "fatty" or "baby penis."

• Stan Smith : Oh, I tell a great story and I'm a liar, but Harry Potter does it and he's your favorite writer.

• Stan Smith : What are you mad at me for? I stopped Steve from shooting a deaf kid. I'm a hero.

  Steve Smith : Hero? Thanks to you, I missed a week at school and got addicted to hallucinogenic berries. That's right. They make me see colors and I'm keeping them.

• Roger the Alien : P.S., everyone. There's a wedding. There's gonna be chafing dishes, a carving station and lots and lots of Jews.

  Francine Smith : I'm sorry, are you saying "juice"?

  Roger the Alien : No, Jews.

• Roger the Alien : I'm out of here.

  Mr. Rothberg : Whoa, the wedding's about to start.

  Roger the Alien : Yeah, look, I lied. I'm not an orthodonist.

  Mr. Rothberg : That's okay. You can work for my greeting card company.

  Roger the Alien : I'm also not Jewish.

  Mr. Rothberg : You'll convert.

  Roger the Alien : I'm not even human.

  Mr. Rothberg : Who is?

  Roger the Alien : Oh, you're strong.