500 Days of Summer (2009)
Geoffrey Arend: McKenzie
Tom : Yeah, uh, this is... And Rhoda, no disrespect, but um, this is total shit.
McKenzie : Tom!
Tom : "Go for it" "You can do it"? That's not inspirational, that's suicidal. If pickles goes for it right there, that's a dead cat. These are lies. We're liars. Think about it. Why do people buy these things? It's not 'cause they wanna say how they feel. People buy cards 'cause they can't say how they feel or they're afraid too. We provide the service that lets them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let's level with America. At least let them speak for themselves! Right? I mean, look! What-What is this? What does it say? "Congratulations on your new baby." Right? How 'bout, "Congratulations on your new baby. Guess that's it for hanging out. Nice knowing you."
Vance : Sit down, Hansen.
Tom : How bout this one, with all the pretty hearts on the front? I think I know where this ones going. Yep! "Happy Valentines Day, sweetheart. I love you." That sweet? Ain't love grand? This is exactly what I'm talking about. What does that even mean, "love"? Do you know? Do you? Anybody?
McKenzie : Tom...
Tom : If somebody gave me this card, Mr. Vance, I would eat it. It's these cards, and the movies and the pop songs, they're to blame for all the lies and the heartache, everything. We're responsible. *I'm responsible.* I think we do a bad thing here. People should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, not you know, some words that some stranger put in their mouths. Words like "love"... that don't mean anything. Sorry, I'm sorry. I, uh... I quit. I'm... There's enough bullshit in the world without my help.
McKenzie : Hey, don't you have like 20 cards to write by Friday?
Tom : Nope, all done.
McKenzie : Really? Well, could you help me with mine? Because I'm running out of ways to say "Congratulations". So far, I've got: "Congrats", "Good job" and "Well done".
Tom : Hmmm. How about..."Every day you make me proud. But today you get a card."
McKenzie : Shit, that's good!
Tom : I know.
McKenzie : Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Summer : The lady dothn't. There's no such thing as love. It's a fantasy.
Tom : Well, I think you're wrong.
Summer : Okay. Well... What is it that I'm missing then?
Tom : I think you know it when you feel it.
Summer : I guess we can just agree to disagree.
McKenzie : You'll meet somebody new. Point is, you're the best guy I know. You'll get over her.
Tom : Can you believe that shit?
McKenzie : I'm sorry what shit?
Paul : I think I missed something.
Tom : She said, "It was good." Emphasis on the "good." She basically said she spent the weekend having sex with some guy she met at the gym. Skank. Whatever, I'm over her.
McKenzie : What the hell is wrong with you?
McKenzie : So, do you have a boyfriend?
Summer : No...
McKenzie : Why not?
Summer : 'Cause I don't want one.
McKenzie : Come on. I don't believe that.
Summer : You don't believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?
McKenzie : [robotic voice] Are you a lesbian?
Summer : No, I'm not a lesbian. I just don't feel comfortable being anyone's girlfriend. I don't actually feel comfortable being anyone's anything, you know?
Paul : So what are you exactly?
Tom : I don't know.
Paul : Are you her boyfriend?
Tom : It's not that simple.
McKenzie : Sure, it is.
Tom : What, like, are we going steady? Come on, guys. You know, we're-we're adults. We know how we feel. We don't need to put labels on it. I mean, "boyfriend," "girlfriend." All that stuff is... it's really juvenile.
McKenzie : You sound gay.
Paul : You really do.
Tom : [points to McKenzie] Okay, first of all, your last girlfriend was Amy Sussman in seventh grade. And you dated for, like, three hours.
[points to Paul]
Tom : And you... You've been with Robyn since what, like, 1998?
Paul : '97.
Tom : '97. See... Shoot. I don't think the two of you are exactly authorities on modern relationships.
McKenzie : [Day 1 of having met Summer] I hear she's a total bitch. Yeah. Patel tried to talk to her in the copy room. She's totally not having it.
Tom : Maybe she was just in a hurry.
McKenzie : Maybe she's an uppity, "better than everyone" superskank.
Tom : Damn.
McKenzie : I know. She's pretty hot.
Tom : That sucks. Why is it pretty girls think they can treat people like crap and get away with it?
McKenzie : Centuries of reinforcement.
Tom : [scoffs] You know what? Screw her. I don't care. If she wants to be that way, fine.
McKenzie : This Friday, all-you-can-karaoke at the Mill.
Tom : No.
McKenzie : Come on!
Tom : They're not gonna let you back in there after last time.
McKenzie : Yeah... I wasn't that bad.
Tom : Dude, you threw up on the stage, you tried to fight the bartender, you threatened to burn the place down.
McKenzie : But I didn't burn the place down.
McKenzie : Maybe playing it safe is the wrong approach. The nuclear family is dead, we need a new holiday that recognizes that. May 21st. "Other" Mother's Day. Thank you.