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"Life" Not for Nothing (TV Episode 2008) Poster

(TV Series)

(I) (2008)

Quotes

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Charlie Crews: [questioning Janis' roommate] And you haven't seen Janis?

Glenda: Not for five glorious days. What did she do? Are you here to, like, give her an award?

Charlie Crews: Yeah, something like that. She likes the moose.

Glenda: She *is* the moose. Does all the games. I forgot to put "no collegiate costume mascots" on my roommate info sheet. So now I live with Mitchopher Moose.

Charlie Crews: [Looks at Janis' calendar] "BW," new boyfriend?

Glenda: I don't pay attention. It's kinda like Hello Kitty ate the Disney Channel and threw it up onto that side of the room.

Charlie Crews: Janis use email?

Glenda: No, she rocks the telegraph "There Will Be Blood" style.

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Captain Tidwell: [Henry is threatening to shoot himself] Pal, hey, let's not get crazy here. She is your *first* wife. Put my gun back in the drawer.

Detective Henry Villanon: I love her. I've always loved her.

Lt. Karen Davis: Henry, the desk you're sitting at, it used to be mine.

Captain Tidwell: *That's* how I know you.

Lt. Karen Davis: This extremely professional and sensitive individual, who equates women with viral infections, took a job I worked my entire life for. That hurt, probably about as much as you're hurting now.

Detective Henry Villanon: You have no idea how much I hurt!

Captain Tidwell: I do. I've been there. Standing on the Brooklyn Bridge, wondering what it's all about after coming home and finding most of your life has left for Jersey. I know that pain. But I also know something that dulls it: Tullamore Dew, the Afghan Wigs, and many, many, many strippers.

Lt. Karen Davis: Captain?

Captain Tidwell: We're taking a sidebar, Henry.

Lt. Karen Davis: [they step away] His wife is a stripper.

Captain Tidwell: He went with a stripper for his *first* wife?

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Detective Henry Villanon: [weeping] I just want my Abby!

Captain Tidwell: Who's Abby?

Detective Henry Villanon: My wife. Leaving me. That's the first time I said it out loud.

Captain Tidwell: Wife number?

Detective Henry Villanon: One... and only. I just want her back.

Captain Tidwell: [dismisses the other officers] I got this, guys. Yeah, the first one's the toughest. That's the one that usually leaves *you*. Let me show you something.

[pulls out his wallet photos]

Captain Tidwell: Mia. Carly. Jasmine. Number three usually has a name like that, Jasmine, Amber, Jade. You'll see. Point is, all magnificent women. Insane, soul-crushing, magnificent women.

Detective Henry Villanon: I just want my Abby. I just want her back!

Captain Tidwell: Of course you do. But she's your first wife. First wives are like chicken pox. You gotta go through 'em when you're young. If you wait 'til you're older, you wind up sterile.

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Dani Reese: Congratulations, you're not a murderer, you're a coward.

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Professor Halliday: You don't need locks for a prison. Just prisoners.

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Charlie Crews: [to caught murderer] Just because you're in there doesn't mean you have to be there. You can go somewhere else.

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Charlie Crews: I think you might wanna help us.

Frat Boy: And why's that?

Charlie Crews: You want the short answer or the long answer?

Frat Boy: Short.

Charlie Crews: 'Cause.

Frat Boy: Okay, the long.

Charlie Crews: Because I am about 3 seconds from deciding that I just do not like you.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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