Rango (2011)

Johnny Depp: Rango, Lars

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Rango : I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you.

• Rango : [after some kids throw rocks at him]  Hey! What was that for?

  Priscilla : You're funny-looking.

  Rango : Well? You're funny-looking too.

  Priscilla : That's a funny-looking shirt.

  Rango : That's a funny-looking dress.

  Priscilla : You got funny-looking eyes.

  Rango : You got a funny-looking face!

  Priscilla : [small pause]  You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.

  [walks away] 

• Rango : Now, remember son: stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.

  Child : Who's Shakespeare?

• Rango : Is this Heaven?

  Spirit of the West : If it were, we'd be eatin' Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak.

• Rango : Crunchy-creamy-cookie-candy-cupcake. Okay everybody, let's take it from the top!

• Rango : I will blow that ugly right off your face!

• Rango : [Rango marches into the bank after it's been robbed]  All right, folks; stand back, clear the area, this is a crime scene, now. Secure the parameter, dust for prints, check for fibers, scan for DNA, I want a urine sample from everyone and get me a latte. Don't mix up the two.

• Beans : [unimpressed]  You ain't from around here, are you?

  Rango : [she walks away]  I- I'm still working on it. Uh, so, what's your name?

  Beans : [rummaging through glass bottles in her cart]  Beans.

  Rango : That's a funny kind of name.

  Beans : What can I say? My daddy plumb loved baked beans.

  Rango : Well you're lucky he didn't plumb love asparagus.

  Beans : [quickly stands up]  What... what're ya saying?

  Rango : I mean, I uh... I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would uh, appreciate the moniker.

  [picks up a jar with a sort of powder in it and puts some in his mouth] 

  Beans : [walking around the cart to Rango]  My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes, and... you...

  [sees what Rango is eating] 

  Rango : Mmm, spicy!

  Beans : You are eating his ashes!

  Rango : [spits, disgusted]  Eh! You carry his remains?

  Beans : [takes the jar and reseals it]  No! His ashes; he loved to smoke. They never found the body.

  Rango : Oh. Um, I'm sure he had his reasons.

• Rango : I think the metaphor broke my spleen.

• Rango : Us reptiles gotta stick together. Right, my brother?

  Buford : I'm an amphibian.

  Rango : Ain't no shame in that.

• Rango : [Wounded Bird is scratching his down feathers and scattering them into the wind]  I see you're communicating with the great spirits.

  Wounded Bird : No. I'm molting. It means I'm ready to mate.

• Rango : Who am I? I'm nobody.

• Rango : [taken aback]  Golden guardians... Alabaster chariot... The Spirit of the West!

  [to Spirit] 

  Rango : Ahem... excuse me... Mister Spirit... sir?

  Spirit of the West : [eyeing a fish hook]  Now there's a beaut. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find what you're looking for.

  [to Rango] 

  Spirit of the West : So, you made it.

  Rango : Is this Heaven?

  Spirit of the West : If it were, we'd be eating Pop Tarts with Kim Novak.

  Rango : Yeah, ain't that the truth. What are you doing out here?

  Spirit of the West : Searching... same as you.

  Rango : [downhearted]  I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am.

  [brighter] 

  Rango : They used to call you 'The Man with No Name'.

  Spirit of the West : Nowadays, they have a name for just about everything. Doesn't matter what they call you... it's the deeds that make the man.

  Rango : But my deeds just made everything worse. I'm a fake... a phony. My friends were counting on me. They were looking for some sort of hero.

  Spirit of the West : [emphatic]  Then be a hero!

  Rango : [disbelief]  Oh, no! No, no. I'm not even supposed to be out here.

  Spirit of the West : That's right. You came out here looking for something that didn't exist. But don't you see?

  [pause] 

  Spirit of the West : It's not about you... it's about them.

  Rango : But I can't go back.

  Spirit of the West : Don't think you have a choice, son.

  [draws rectangle on windshield] 

  Spirit of the West : No man can walk out of his own story.

• Waffles : [Rango and his posse have found new purpose in their search for the outlaws]  Uh... What exactly are we gonna do now?

  Rango : Now... we ride!

  [whip cracks; Rango stops and looks to his right, puzzled] 

  Rango : [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them]  That means we're riding now! This moment.

  [another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music; everyone is riding roadrunners in the next cut] 

• Rango : So you want something to believe in, Spoons? Believe in me.

  [points at the "Sheriff" sign] 

  Rango : Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there we've got hope.

• Rattlesnake Jake : [realizing it's a swarm of bats in the form of a hawk]  Ain't no hawk, ain't nothin' but bats!

  [starts shooting at them] 

  Maybelle : Stick to the plan boys, bleed the devil dry!

  [swarm spreads out, Jake laughs excitedly while trying to shoot every bat down, realizes he used up all his bullets, turns to see Rango pointing a gun at him] 

  Rango : It only takes one bullet.

  Rattlesnake Jake : You ain't got the nerve.

  Rango : Try me.

• Spoons : [after Rango forms a small posse to find the band of robbers]  What do we do now, sheriff?

  Rango : Now, we ride!

  [cut to them all riding across the desert on roadrunners, excited and energized] 

  Spoons : [to Rango]  Where are we going?

  [they have no leads on where the robbers might be] 

  Rango : What?

  Spoons : Where are we going?

  [cut to them all walking back into town, embarrassed] 

• Rango : [seeing Jake has Beans wrapped in his coils]  Put her down!

  Rattlesnake Jake : Or what, little man? You gonna kill me?

  Rango : [serious]  That's just about the size of it.

• Wounded Bird : You kill bird?

  Rango : Why, yes, I did.

  Wounded Bird : Bird dead, snake come.

  Rango : Uh, snake?

  Priscilla : He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He usually doesn't come to town because he's scared of that hawk, but he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?

  Rango : No. I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.

  Priscilla : That's just what Amos said.

  Rango : Amos?

  [Priscilla looks at something offscreen, Rango looks and sees a small graveyard with a headstone reading 'Amos, Sheriff Thur-Sat.'] 

  Priscilla : You got any gold fillings?

• Rango : [an arrow is sticking through Turley's head, entering in his right eye and coming out the left-rear side of his head; Rango looks disgusted]  Whoa! Ehh... are you sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?

  Sergeant Turley : [oblivious]  What?

  Rango : Uh, well, you've got a little somethin' in your... eye, there.

  Sergeant Turley : [indicates his left eye, seemingly oblivious]  Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.

  Rango : [going along as not to hurt Turley's feelings]  Oh! Well... um... glad to hear it's not contagious.

• Rango : [burps fire in face]  I'll take care of that for you.

  [rubs some of the soot off his face] 

  Rango : There. All better.

• Rock-Eye : [the hawk drops a bottle with Rango inside it directly on top of Rock-Eye the Toad, who is hiding from the hawk as a rock, from a great height]  ¡Ay! ¡Madre de Dios!

  [He sees Rango] 

  Rock-Eye : You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your huevos!

  Rango : [points frantically from inside his bottle]  The bird! The bird!

  [He starts running away in his bottle by rolling it] 

  Rock-Eye : [Rock-Eye looks behind him]  No wait, come back!

  [Rock-Eye starts chasing Rango] 

  Rock-Eye : Hey, I was just kidding! C'mon, we're friends, right?

  Rango : Aaah, I don't know you!

  Rock-Eye : Lizards, frogs... we're practically related, right?

  Rango : [Overlapping]  Find your own hiding place! No room at the inn!

  Rock-Eye : Come on! Move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!

  Rango : [Rango runs the bottle over a small sharp rock and the bottle breaks in half]  No no no nonono...!

  [the bottle slides to a stop] 

  Rock-Eye : [Stops with him; pointing in triumph]  HA! Ha ha ha!

  [the hawk snatches him up] 

  Rock-Eye : [Screams furiously]  You son of a b...!

  [Hawk screech] 

• Mayor : Control the water... and you control everything. But I don't have to tell you that, being a true man of the West as you are.

  Rango : Oh, yeah. The West is the... the best!

• Rango : We can control it! Like a monkey's bladder!

• Rango : Now, we ride!

• Rango : [Rango and Beans have been locked in the bank vault with water pouring in and the water level rising]  Don't worry! I have a plan!

  [looks through the glass to those who have locked them in] 

  Rango : Heeeeeelp! Open the door!

  Rango : [no one does anything]  Okay! Plan B!

• Priscilla : Sheriff? You are going to bring that water back, aren't you?

  Rango : You can count on it, little sister.

• Rango : That's for my gun. That's gun lotion.

• Rango : [repeated quote]  Now, we ride!

• Rango : [Extended edition only]  Look. I need water. Hydration. My teeth are chapped. I need lotion. I'm down to one layer of skin already. Pretty soon, I'm going to start seeing my insides. Not quite unlike you've got going there. Listen. I can't survive in the desert, okay? I- I don't belong here!

  Roadkill : That maybe true, but here you are. Now, help me up and I'll help you find what you seek?

  Rango : Uh, you will?

  Roadkill : And perhaps more.

• Rango : Name's... Rango.

  [crowd gasp] 

• Rango : [addressing the townspeople after the bank robbery]  We all know exactly what we need to do now!

  [aside] 

  Rango : And that would be?

  Mayor : [whispers]  Form a posse.

  Rango : Form a possum!

  [short pause] 

  Mayor : [still quiet]  A *posse*.

• Maybelle : [annoyed]  You've got a lot of nerve coming back here, lawman. What is it that you want?

  Rango : [dead serious]  Yer pappy and them boys are gonna hang for something they didn't do.

  [pause] 

  Rango : But I've got a plan...

• Balthazar : Ezekiel, Jedidiah! What the Sam Hill's goin' on up there?

  [as he emerges from the ground, he thumps his idiot sons with a cane. He sniffs the air] 

  Balthazar : Hell's fire, this ain't the bank!

  Ezekiel : Pappy, the Sheriff is standin' right here, helpin' us out.

  Jedidiah : Gonna give us a permit for pros-pec-ting.

  Rango : That's right, sir. Just doin' my duty. The lonely constable on his rounds, keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance.

  Balthazar : Does he look like he sounds?

  Jedidiah : Uh-huh.

• Rango : Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to honor this man. Mr. Merrimack, you have the right to remain silent. Speak now, or forever hold your peace. Amen.

• Rango : I'd like a glass of water.

  [All of the people at the bar laugh loudly] 

  Patron #1 : He wants a glass of water!

  Doc : Make it a double!

  Patron #2 : Give him the spittoon!

  Buford : [Buford spits onto the table and wipes it up]  Cactus juice, that's what we got.

• Rango : I think you just swallowed Plan B.

  Beans : What?

  [She freezes] 

• [after Rattlesnake Jake ran out of ammo, Rango points his gun at him] 

  Rango : It only takes one bullet.

  Rattlesnake Jake : You ain't got the nerve.

  Rango : Try me.

  [His eyes turned shocked] 

  Mayor : Oh, Mr. Rango! Aren't you forgetting something?

  [He watches Beans being taken into the water vault] 

  Mayor : Hand me your gun, Sheriff!

  [Rango looks at his gun] 

  Mayor : Now, Mr. Rango!

  [He slowly walks over to the Mayor] 

• Raoul Duke : [Rango lands on a windshield of a car being driven by Raoul Duke]  Oh! There's another one! I knew it!

• Rango : Ooh, yeah, Jake ... you mean my brother!

  Sergeant Turley : Your brother?

  Rango : That's what I said.

  Buford : But he's a snake and you're a lizard!

  Rango : Well, Mama had an active ... uh ... social life.

• Rango : You and your kin are under arrest for bank robbery, and for the murder of our beloved financial adviser, Johannes Merrimack III, a.k.a. Fluffy Joe.

  Ezekiel : Sheriff, we didn't kill nobody. We tunneled into that vault and there weren't nothing in it.

  Jedidiah : Someone done rob that bank before we robbed it.

  Beans : Then where'd you get this here jug?

  Ezekiel : That's what I've been trying to tell you, Pappy. I found it in the desert.

  Balthazar : [starts whacking Ezekiel]  Then why in tarnation did you bring it here?

  Rango : Hold on, hold on! You're saying this here jug was empty when you found it?

  Ezekiel : Uh, huh! That's right!

  Sergeant Turley : Eh, I don't believe a word of him.

  Buford : Let's hang him, sheriff!

  Sergeant Turley : String 'em up!

  Beans : This wouldn't be the first time.

  Waffles : It's a puzzle! It's like a big old mammogram!

  Furgus : What's going on, sheriff?

  Rango : I don't know, but I'm gonna strip this mystery and expose it's private parts.

  [to Balthazar, sternly] 

  Rango : You and your kin are coming with me.