Monsters University (2013)
Billy Crystal: Mike
Photos
Quotes
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Johnny : Enjoy the attention while it lasts, boys. After you lose, no one will remember you.
Mike Wazowski : Maybe. But when you lose, no one will let you forget it.
Chet : Oh, boy. That is a good point.
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[Mike and Sulley are working in the mail room at Monsters Inc]
Yeti : Alright, newbies. Quit goofing around. I'll have you know that tampering with the mail is punishable by banishment.
Sulley : Yes Sir.
Mike Wazowski : We're right on it Mr. Snowman.
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Mike Wazowski : [Before the First Scare Games Challenge starts] Squishy. We're not gonna lose, because we have everything we need to win right here.
[points to his chest]
Squishy : [smiling] Heart.
Mike Wazowski : No, me! I'm gonna win the race for us.
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Mike Wazowski : Um, h... hello? Fellas?
[as he and Sulley walk down the basement into a candlelit are, where O.K fraternity surround it, wearing black cloaks]
Don : Do you pledge your souls to the Oozma Kappa brotherhood?
Mike Wazowski : [Terri and Terry hit Mike with a cricket bat] OW!
Terry : Do you swear to keep secret.
Terri : All that you learn here?
Art : No matter how horrifying?
Sulley : [Squishy hits Sulley with cricket bat] Hey!
Squishy : Will take the scared oath of the...
[initiation interrupted by someone, turning on the lights]
Don : For crying out loud.
Ms. Squibbles : Sweetie! Turn the lights on when you're down here. You're going ruin your eyes.
Squishy : MOM, WE'RE DOING AN INITIATION!
Ms. Squibbles : Oh, scary! Well, carry on. Just pretend I'm not here
[turns off half the lights, and walk downstairs to the washing machine]
Squishy : This is my mom's house. Do you promise to look out for your brothers?
[Mrs. Squibbles turns on the laundry dial loudly]
Squishy : No matter what the peril?
[Laundry machine runs noisily]
Squishy : ... WILL YOU DEFEND OOZMA KAPPA? NO MATTER HOW DANGEROUS? NO MATTER HOW INSURMOUNTABLE THE ODDS MAY BE? FROM EVILS BOTH GREAT AND SMALL? IN THE FACE OF UNENDING PAIN AND... OH FORGET IT! You're in.
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Sulley : I act scary, Mike. But most of the time, I'm terrified.
Mike Wazowski : How come you never told me that before?
Sulley : Because we weren't friends before.
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Don : Sherrie and I are engaged.
Mike Wazowski : Who's Sherrie?
Squishy : [Embarrased] She's my Mom.
Don : Don't worry, Scott. I don't want you to think of me as your new dad. After all, we're fraternity brothers first.
Squishy : This is so weird.
Don : Just think of me as your big brother that's marrying your mother. Wait, hold on, we're brothers who share the same mom slash wife. That's worse.
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[In the human world, Sulley is able to find Mike sitting sadly by the Pond]
Sulley : Psst Mike. Look, I'm sorry I messed up. Now let's get you outta here.
Mike Wazowski : You were right. They weren't scared of me. I did everything right. I wanted it more than anyone. And I thought... I thought that if I wanted it enough I could show everybody that Mike Wazowski is something special. And I'm just... not.
[brushes his reflection away in the water]
Sulley : Look, Mike, I know how you feel.
Mike Wazowski : [angrily] Don't do that! Please don't do that! You do not know how I feel!
Sulley : Mike, calm down.
Mike Wazowski : Monsters like you have everything! You don't have to be good! You can mess up over and over again, and the whole world loves you!
Sulley : Mike!
Mike Wazowski : You'll never know what it's like to fail, because you were born a Sullivan!
Sulley : Yeah I'm the Sullivan! I'm the Sullivan that flunked every test, the one who got kicked out of the program, the one who was so afraid to let everyone down that I cheated! And I lied!
Sulley : [sighs] Mike, I'll never know how you feel. But you're not the only failure here.
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[On the First Morning in the Oozma Kappa Fraternity home, Mike's lips press against Sulley's hand, and Sulley falls off the bunk after the alarm goes off]
Sulley : What happened?
Mike Wazowski : Your grubby paw was in my bed!
Sulley : Were you kissing my hand?
Mike Wazowski : [laughs] No! And what about you with all your shedding?
Sulley : I don't shed.
Mike Wazowski : Really?
[punches the mattress of the top bunk and Sulley's hair falls everywhere]
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Mike Wazowski : I've been waiting for this my whole life! I'm gonna be a scarer!
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[Mike notices that his settings on the Scare Simulator had been set to the Lowest Difficult instead of the Highest like the others, which is how he was able to mysteriously make a Record Breaking Scare to successfully beat the RORs in the Final Challenge of the Scare Games]
Mike Wazowski : [shocked] It's been tampered with.
Sulley : Uh, I don't think you should be messing with that.
Mike Wazowski : Why are my settings... different?
Sulley : Mike, we should leave.
Mike Wazowski : Did you do this?
Sulley : Mike...
Mike Wazowski : [louder] Did you do this?
Sulley : [sighs] Yes I did. But... you don't understand...
Mike Wazowski : Why? Why did you do this?
Sulley : You know... just in case.
Mike Wazowski : [angrily] In case of what? You don't think I'm scary. You said you believed in me. But you're just like Hardscrabble, you're just like everyone else!
Sulley : Look, you'll get better and better...
Mike Wazowski : I'm as scary as you! I'm as scary as anyone!
Sulley : I was just trying to help!
Mike Wazowski : No! You just wanted to help yourself!
Sulley : Well, what else was I supposed to do? Let the whole team fail because you don't have it?
[offended, Mike storms off. Nearby, their Teammates heard everything, and Squishy sadly places their trophy onto the ground]
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[In the First Challenge of the Scare Games, Mike and Sulley arrive badly stung from the Glowing Purple Urchins at the finish line, just behind the RORs]
Chet : Way to blow it, Oozmas!
Mike Wazowski : Hey, 2nd place ain't bad.
Greek Council VP : [Jaws Theta Chi arrive behind them, unharmed] 2nd place, Jaws Theta Chi!
Mike Wazowski : *What*?
Johnny : Your whole team has to cross the finish line.
Greek Council VP : 3rd place, EEKs. 4th place, PNKs. 5th place, HSS. And in last place...
[the rest of Mike and Sulley's team arrive, even more badly stung from the urchins than they are]
Greek Council VP : ...Oozma Kappa!
Greek Council President : [Removing Oozma Kappa's name from the Leaderboard] Oozma Kappa have been eliminated!
[Dean Hardscrabble approaches a surprised and upset Mike, smiling]
Dean Hardscrabble : Don't look so surprised Mr. Wazowski. It would've taken a miracle for...
Greek Council VP : Attention everyone, we have an announcement. Jaws Theta Chi have been disqualified.
[Holds up a tin of Protective Gel that they've been using]
Greek Council VP : The use of illegal protective gel is cause for elimination.
Big Red : What?
[the referee removes the moisture from George Sanderson's leg, then stabs it with an Urchin, causing it to swell up like a balloon, with George screaming in pain]
Greek Council VP : [Removing Jaws Theta Chi from the Leaderboard and adding Oozma Kappa back on] Which means that Oozma Kappa's back in the games - it's a miracle!
Dean Hardscrabble : Your luck will run out eventually.
[Walks away]
Mike Wazowski : This is gonna be harder than I thought.
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[as Mike approaches his dorm, his roommate pops out]
Randy : Hey there, Im your roommate! Names Randy Boggs, Scaring major!
Mike Wazowski : [laughs] Mike Wazowski, Scaring major.
Randy : I can tell were gonna be best chums, Mike. Take whatever bed you want, I wanted you to have first dibs.
[a monster student bumps into him, making him yelp and turn completely invisible, with only his glasses remaining visible]
Mike Wazowski : [gasps] You just disappeared.
Randy : [turns visible again] Sorry. If I do that in scaring class, I'll be a joke.
Mike Wazowski : No, its totally great, you gotta use it.
Randy : Really?
Mike Wazowski : Yeah, but lose the glasses, they give it away.
[Randy removes his glasses, and his eyes start to squint]
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[the RORs are selling all kinds of media with the humiliating photo of Oozma Kappa from their party the previous night]
Mike Wazowski : Hey, what do you think you're doing?
Johnny : Raising a little money for charity.
Mike Wazowski : Yeah, well stop it!
Johnny : You want us to stop raising money for charity? That's not cool.
Chet : This guy hates charity
Mike Wazowski : [angrily] We'd like you to stop making us look like fools.
Johnny : Hey, you're making yourself look like fools. Lets be honest, boys. You're never gonna be real scarers, cause real scarers look like us. But hey, if you really wanna work for a scaring company, they're always... hiring in the mail room.
[Johnny shows Mike and his team an advertisement in the Newspapers for the Monsters, Inc. Mailroom]
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Sulley : [Introducing himself] James P. Sullivan.
Mike Wazowski : Mike Wazowski.
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Mike Wazowski : My chances are just as good as yours
Sulley : You're not even in the same league with me.
Mike Wazowski : Just wait, hotshot. I'm gonna scare circles around you this year.
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Sulley : You're wasting your time. We need a new team.
Mike Wazowski : We can't just 'get a new team'! I checked this morning, it's against the rules.
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[Mike has received his Student ID Card, though it only shows the Top of his Head]
Mike Wazowski : I can't believe it.
Mike Wazowski : [Out Loud] I'm Officially a COLLEGE STUDENT!
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[From the Teaser Trailer, Mike walks out of his dorm with Silver Plates glued to him, with other Monsters Partying outside]
Mike Wazowski : [laughs] OK. Very Funny Sullivan.
Sulley : You look great Wazowski!
Mike Wazowski : You know, if you're gonna prank someone. The least you can do is think of something clever.
[Sulley switches off the lights, and Mike begins to shine like a Crystal Ball as all the Other Monsters begin to party]
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[During the Final Exam of the Scaring Program, Mike and Sulley whilst trying to prove ones better than the other accidentally destroy Dean Hardscrabble's Scream Canister that had been placed up on the stool]
Mike Wazowski : I'm so sorry.
Sulley : It was an accident.
Dean Hardscrabble : [picking up the destroyed canister] What, this? My souvenir from a lifetime of scaring? Accidents happen, don't they? The important thing is: no one got hurt.
Mike Wazowski : You're taking this remarkably well.
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[It is Mike and Sulley's first day working on the Monsters, inc. Scare Floor]
Merv : Wazowski, good luck on your first day!
Mike Wazowski : Thanks, Merv!
[Mike smiles as other monsters congratulate him as well]
Mike Wazowski : Thanks, fellas!
[pauses at the line in front of the scare floor that he stepped over as a child at the start of the film]
Sulley : You coming, coach?
Mike Wazowski : You better believe it.
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Dean Hardscrabble : [after kicking Sulley off the Program] And, Mr. Wazowski, what you lack is something that cannot be taught. You're not scary. You will not be continuing in the Scare Program.
Mike Wazowski : Please, let me try the Simulator. I'll surprise you.
Dean Hardscrabble : Surprise me? I doubt that very much.
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[after Dean Hardscrabble tells Mike that his team is short one person to compete in The Scare Games]
Mike Wazowski : We need six guys, right?
Greek Council VP : Sorry, dude. We count bodies, not heads.
[Pointing at Terri & Terry]
Greek Council VP : That dude counts as one.
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[while trying to find someone to join his team for the Scare Games, Mike spots his Roommate Randy in the Crowd]
Randy : Excuse me. I'm running a little late.
Mike Wazowski : Randy! Thank goodness, I need you on my team.
Randy : Sorry Mike. I'm already on a team.
[Randy walks out of the crowd, revealing a ROR Jacket that he received after Sulley was kicked out of their team, much to Mike's shock]
Randy : I'm finally in with the cool kids, Mike. Don't blow this for me.
Johnny : [Calling out] Hey Boggs, over here.
[Randy walks over to the Rest of the RORS]
Johnny : Do your thing.
[Randy turns invisible, leaving only his jacket visible]
Chet : Woah, where did he go?
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[Mike hasn't had luck finding someone to join his team to compete in the Scare Games and get back into the Scaring Program]
Greek Council President : This doesn't look good. We really need to move on, your team doesn't Qualify.
Sulley : Yes it does.
[Climbs onto of a nearby vehicle]
Sulley : The star player has just arrived.
Mike Wazowski : [Surprised] No No No. Please, anybody but him.
Greek Council President : [Losing her Patience] Look, we're shutting down sign ups, OK? Is he on your team or not?
[Mike, aware that he signed up at the Last Minute, knows he hasn't got much a choice, seeing that no-one else is interested in joining his team, and he's really determined to get into the Scare Games to prove Dean Hardscrabble that he and his team really are scary. Sulley points at him and winks]
Mike Wazowski : Fine. Yes, he's on my team.
[the Crowd starts to cheer, with the Scare Games about to start]
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Professor Knight : Alright, alright. Who can tell me the Properties of an Effective Roar?
[Mike raises his hand]
Professor Knight : Yes
Mike Wazowski : There are actually five. Those include the roar's resonance, the duration of the roar, and...
[a loud roar from the Back of the Crowd by a Late Student interrupts Mike, and the other monsters stare at him in amazement]
Sulley : Oops, sorry. I heard someone say "Roar", so I kinda went for it.
Professor Knight : [as Sulley makes his way to his seat] Very impressive Mister...
Sulley : Sullivan, James P Sullivan.
Professor Knight : Like, Bill Sullivan? The Scarer?
Sulley : He's my Dad.
[the other students feel amazed]
Sulley : You can call me Sulley.
Professor Knight : I expect big things from you this year.
Sulley : You won't be disappointed.
[takes his seat]
Mike Wazowski : Um, I'm sorry sir. But can I please continue?
Professor Knight : Nah, Mr. Sullivan covered it.
[the Students each get out their Textbooks on Scaring]
Professor Knight : Everyone Open your Scaring Textbooks. Turn to Chapter 1.
Sulley : [to a nearby student] Can I borrow your Pencil, I forgot my stuff.
[Sulley uses the pencil as a toothpick, and Mike stares at him displeasingly]
Mike Wazowski : [to himself] That guy is so annoying.
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Sulley : [on the night before the Final Scare Games challenge in their Oozma Kappa Bedroom] It's time to put aside all the text books, reach down and let the *Scary* out.
[Mike practices scary poses]
Sulley : Come on, DIG DEEP.
Ms. Squibbles : [calling out] Oh boys, it's a School Night.
[Mike and Sulley stop, now feeling refreshed]
Mike Wazowski : Tomorrow, the whole world is gonna see what Mike Wazowski can do.
Sulley : [smiling] You bet they are.
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Dean Hardscrabble : [During the Final Exam] Mr. Wazowski, I'm a 5-year-old girl on a farm in Kansas afraid of lightning. Which scare do you use?
Mike Wazowski : [confused] Should I go up on the...?
Dean Hardscrabble : [impatiently] Which scare do I use?
Mike Wazowski : That is a shadow approach with a crackle holler.
Dean Hardscrabble : Demonstrate.
[Mike inhales, but Dean Hardscrabble stops him before he can over go up]
Dean Hardscrabble : Stop. Thank you.
Mike Wazowski : I didn't get to sh...
Dean Hardscrabble : I've seen enough.
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[as Mike first arrives on Campus for the first time, he meets 2 monsters sponsoring the Scare Games]
Greek Council President : MU Greek Council! We sponsor the annual Scare Games.
Mike Wazowski : [takes a flyer] The Scare What now?
Greek Council VP : [pounds his fist against the table] The Scare Games! A super intense scaring competition!
Greek Council President : They're *dangerous*, anything could happen.
Greek Council VP : A bunch of guys ended up going to hospital last year.
Greek Council President : You could totally *die*.
Mike Wazowski : [whilst staring at the flyer] Cool.
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Mike Wazowski : [as he introduces the team that he joined sometime earlier as he joins the Scare Games] Behold, the Future Scaring League of the World. My Brothers, of Oozma KAPPA.
[the camera points at the team, the other monsters have no reaction whatsoever]
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Mike Wazowski : [as Mike's Team start to walk off following what Johnny said] Guys! Hold on! Hey, hey, hey, wait a second. Don't listen to him! We just, need to keep trying!
Sulley : [losing confidence] No! You need to stop trying! You can train monsters like this all you want, but you can't change who they are.
Don : Mike... We appreciate everything you done, but he's right. No matter how much we train, we'll never look like them. We're built for other things.
[walks off with the rest of the team, while Mike starts feeling concerned]
Chet : [whilst drinking a cup with the humiliating photo of Oozma Kappa on it] Sorry, squirts! Some monsters just aren't cut out for the big leagues.
Mike Wazowski : The big leagues.
[Mike approaches his teammates in Squishy's house]
Mike Wazowski : [having come up with an idea] Gentleman, tonight, we're all going on a little Field Trip.
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[as Mike and Sulley exit their Oozma Kappa Bedroom at the same time after waking up, they fall over, and Squishy suddenly snaps a photo of them]
Squishy : First morning in the house.
Art : That's going in the Album.
Don : [Arriving with a Scare Games Letter] Guys, it's arrived, our first challenge.
[Mike struggles to pull it off him]
Don : Sorry, Tentacles. Kinda Sticky.
[Mike reads the envelope]
Mike Wazowski : Wait a minute. They want us to meet where?
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Randy : [as Mike and Randy settle into their dorms] Aren't you a little nervous?
Mike Wazowski : Not at all, I've been waiting for this day my whole life.
