Patrick Jane: [to the Coroner] It's lovely to meet you doc, you're a horse's ass, but you mean well. I'll be in van.
Virgil Minelli: You abused a corpse to get a confession!
Patrick Jane: Used. *Used* a corpse. There's no "ab."
Wayne Rigsby: You've any plans for tonight?
Grace Van Pelt: Home, TV.
Wayne Rigsby: Well, have fun.
Grace Van Pelt: You too.
Kimball Cho: You're gonna die alone
Coroner Steiner: You detectives always want the instant answers. What I do is science. Science will uncover the truth. But she will be precise, methodical, and take her time, before she renders her decision.
Wayne Rigsby: Wonder if science can remove the stick from his butt.
Coroner Steiner: I heard that!
Dr. Roy Carmen: Do you know why counseling is mandatory for CBI agents who have been involved in a shooting?
Teresa Lisbon: Because nobody would come if it was voluntary?
Coroner Steiner: You're the consultant that pretends to read minds, aren't you?
Patrick Jane: No. I don't pretend to read minds, I *do* read minds. Don't we all look at Lisbon and see what she's thinking.
Teresa Lisbon: No kidding.
Patrick Jane: And I can see what you're thinking right now.
Coroner Steiner: I was thinking that you, sir, are a bumptious fool, and I was wondering exactly what training in forensic pathology you have.
Patrick Jane: Ah. But right before that, you were wondering whether you would choose Lisbon or Van Pelt as your concubine in that little fantasy kingdom you like to visit sometimes.
Virgil Minelli: Step carefully. I want daily reports. Oh, and how did the Bats interview go?
Patrick Jane: Oh, that was very exciting.
Virgil Minelli: What did he do?
Teresa Lisbon: Nothing that can't be repaired.
Wayne Rigsby: If I had a date, I'd tell you about it.
Kimball Cho: Yeah.
Wayne Rigsby: I would. Tell you anything you'd want to know.
Kimball Cho: You ever gonna man up and make a move on Van Pelt?
Wayne Rigsby: Fine! Don't tell me.
Virgil Minelli: [to Jane] Congratulations. You finally got her to drink the Kool Aid.
Virgil Minelli: Check yourself Agent.
[to the team]
Virgil Minelli: All of you.
Patrick Jane: There's a stain on the ceiling that looks like Elvis, but today it looks more like... a basset hound.
Dede Guerra: Frankly when you've worked here as long as I have, you hear a lot of stories about wild behavior. Most of them aren't true.
Patrick Jane: Except for the ones that are.
Patrick Jane: You'd think a politician would have thicker skin.
Teresa Lisbon: You accused them of lying about their sex life, and you're surprised that they're upset?
Patrick Jane: I brought you doughnuts - the international law enforcement symbol of friendship.
Kimball Cho: If she's a jumper, job's done.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah. The senator's husband dumps her, she wants to make him feel bad
Wayne Rigsby: splat.
Grace Van Pelt: Don't talk that way.
Wayne Rigsby: Okay not splat, bam.
Teresa Lisbon: Main thing is you keep him in there long enough for us to search his car. Be friendly, he thinks he's a player, he'll eat it up.
Grace Van Pelt: What do mean "be friendly?"
Teresa Lisbon: Need a map?... Good luck.
Patrick Jane: Red John doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't leave clues. If you have new evidence, it's because he wants you to have it. The question isn't "What does it mean?"; it's "why did he give it to you?".