- P.J. and Stephanie conduct a "dating intervention" on Mike and Brendan, respectively, to change their habits. Kenny and Bobby try working out to solidify their friendship.
- After being sick without any live-in help, Mike gets scared of dying alone (i.e. he's ready for a relationship). PJ promises to help him find a suitable 'real woman', provided he relieves her (PJ) of house-sitting for Andy. Brendan, tarred with the same brush as Mike, gets Stephanie as his 'courting coach'. A dating chance soon overrules all plans. Meanwhile, Bobby and Kenny give priority to an athletic dare, but competitive work-outs prove hard on Kenny.—KGF Vissers
- One thing I've learned is that you can't make assumptions about people, because sometimes they surprise you.
As Andy waits for a pet visa for his cat, Peaches, P.J. (Jordana Spiro) is forced to take care of her. That is, if Peaches will P.J. near her. But then, maybe Brendan (Reid Scott) can talk to Peaches since he is actually a dolphin...or so his now-ex girlfriend says he was in a previous life. She doesn't want to date him anymore, but they can always go swimming in Lake Michigan if he wants.
P.J.: Don't dolphins live in salt water?
BRANDO: Yeah, that's the problem.
Kenny (Michael Bunin) and Bobby (Kyle Howard) lament not having jobs, although Bobby at least has law school classes to look forward to. And somehow a conversation about how ripped LL Cool J is on NCIS: Los Angeles (2009) encourages them to start working out. That, and the fact that P.J. wants Bobby to take care of Peaches since he's home during the day. Mike (Jamie Kaler) came in and was annoyed with the gang for not talking to him while he was very sick last week. It turns out they did, and he told them to stop calling. However, the concept of dying alone scares him, so he is now ready for a real relationship. Although Brando thinks the only time you'll see a woman when you're dying is when she's putting the knife through your heart.
P.J.: There are smart, attractive, non-crazy women EVERYWHERE. Somehow you two only manage to see the semi-drunk ones stumbling around on stripper heels.
Mike and Brando finally cave and want P.J. to set them up, since she can see the quality women just like the kid in The Sixth Sense (1999) can see dead people. ("You're equating quality women to dead people?") However, P.J. agrees to help Mike, and Stephanie (Kellee Stewart) decides she'll help Brendan, since P.J. has tried so many times with him without success. Mike simply has to complete house duties at Andy's house for P.J., such as pick up the mail and adjust the thermostats.
MIKE: It's a small price to pay for you to keep me from dying.
BOBBY: You need a vampire for that.
BRENDAN: Ugh. Dated, like, three of those.
It turns out house-sitting Andy's place isn't a bad gig, based on the insanely cool remote control and the LED TV Mike can watch. Not to mention the new neighbor, Marcia (Rachael Harris). She introduced herself and wondered if it was Mike's dog barking the previous night. They strike up a conversation, and Marcia is very interested.
MIKE: Well, I gotta get some sleep. I'm getting up early to meet women. Bye.
At a farmer's market on a Sunday morning, which meant Mike and Brando were already out of their element, they were shown many quality women by P.J. and Stephanie. Fortunately, the ladies have the power of veto, so Brando can't talk to the hippie guitar player and singer who is a "lover of things," and Mike can't hit on the pancake floozy. As Bobby and Kenny convert the second bedroom at P.J.'s into a workout room...and Kenny drops dead of a heart attack from Bobby's intense regiment, Mike settles down with a mac-and-cheese microwave dinner and actually turns down the offer from Marcia to have some Thai food at the restaurant down the block. (It did have blue applesauce.)
Mike and Brendan try a bookstore next. Mike correctly avoided the woman who was reading "Why Men Marry Bitches," and finds P.J.'s friend, Audrey.
MIKE: You're totally manipulating me!
P.J.: Dude, you asked me to manipulate you.
MIKE: Ah, you're right.
In spite of being manipulated, Mike is successful in picking up Audrey. Brando and Stephanie have equal luck at the espresso bar, as Brendan carefully avoids the girl with the nose piercing and neck tattoo and goes right for the woman who is reading Time magazine. Brando doesn't understand why Stephanie wants him to leave without the sane woman, and she reminds him of the knife through the heart.
The gang gathered at Crowley's for a few hops smoothies (AKA beers), and Mike felt proud he actually met a woman who remembered 1984. Actually, she was around then, too, which was an improvement over Mike's typical dates. Brendan had equal success with Megan. And P.J. invited everybody to listen to jazz at a museum. Not the one with a submarine in it, either. Mike doesn't want to do it, naturally. However, P.J. insisted a connection was made and he has to follow through on it.
Bobby is ready for another workout (and apparently the producers think Kyle Howard in a muscle shirt is eye candy to the ladies, but then we had Jordana in a bra 2 weeks ago, so the guys can't really complain), but Kenny can barely walk. This doesn't slow down Bobby one bit, and he gets meaner and meaner to Kenny. But it turns out that happens to Bobby when he works out. His fat turns to intensity, while Kenny's turns to pain. They give up the gym, although Bobby doubts Kenny can get back his money from the YMCA for the medicine ball.
Mike invited Marcia over to apologize for the sprinklers by giving her a pot of azaleas, although they were actually marigolds. At least that's what the card said. Marcia compliments his attire, which Mike promptly shoots down by telling her he's going on a date. She's not happy, but he's less happy that he has to go listen to jazz. On the date she's having, they're going to play floor hockey and drink beer. That decides it for Mike, and he sends Bobby a text to cancel it.
At Crowley's, Brendan is done with Megan, and her cats did not like it. Cats, as in 40 of them, which would explain how Peaches liked her. But Brando didn't want to be mixed up with crazy cat lady, and he's more mad with Stephanie because she wouldn't let him sleep with Megan and discover this sooner. Or at least before Megan sicced all of her cats on him. ("At least the Brando way means that I find out quick. Getting to know somebody only leads to awkward conversations and tears that are licked away by little rough tongues.") P.J. is about to give Mike the same treatment for blowing off Audrey, but Marcia comes by and apologizes for stealing Mike from them. Everybody is surprised...and impressed...by Mike dating an actual woman.
MIKE: P.J., I have to thank you. I don't think I would have noticed Marcia without you. And for the first time, I feel like I'm not going to decompose on the kitchen floor.
P.J.: That is the most weirdly romantic thing I've ever heard you say.
Of course, now Mike will have to explain being in Andy's house.
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