The 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards (2011 TV Special)

Ricky Gervais: Self - Host

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ricky Gervais - Host : What can I say about our next two presenters? The first is an actor, producer, writer and director whose movies have grossed over three and a half billion dollars at the box office. He's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances starring in such films as "Philadelphia", "Forrest Gump", "Cast Away", "Apollo 13" and "Saving Private Ryan". The other is... Tim Allen.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : Our next presenters are two of the funniest people in America. She stole the show on "Saturday Night Live", then went on to create, write and star in her own show: "30 Rock". He was a jobbing actor, career not going that well if I'm being totally honest, who got his big break when I cast him in a remake in a show that I created called "The Office". He's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... Please welcome the wonderful Tina Fey and the ungrateful Steve Carell!

  Steve Carell : Ha, ha, ha, ha. I love it! Never gets old!

• Ricky Gervais - Host : One of the biggest events on TV this year was the finale of "Lost". One of my favorites. And all the questions were answered... yeah. I have to say, though, It was a complicated finale. I'm not sure I totally understood it all, but from what I can workout, I'm pretty sure the fat one ate them all.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : You know our next presenter from such films as "Hudson Hawk", "Look Who's Talking", "Mercury Rising", "Color of Night", "Fifth Element", "Heart's War", please welcome Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis!

• Ricky Gervais - Host : I love this next presenter. He's so cool. He's the star of "Iron Man", "Two Girls and a Guy", "Wonder Boys"... Sorry, are these porn films? "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", "Bowfinger", really? Here... "Up the Academy". Come on... He was in all those films, but many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail. Please welcome Robert Downey Jr.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : Thanks to NBC, thanks the HFPA, thank you for watching at home and thank you to God for making me an atheist. Thank you.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : Our next presenters are young and thin, with the hair and teeth... They're lovely to look at. Which is just as well, because they're presenting the award for Best Foreign Language Film, a category that no one in America cares about! Please welcome Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : It's gonna be a night of partying and heavy drinking, or as Charlie Sheen calls it: "breakfast". Wow, so... Let's get this straight. What he did was he picked up a "pornstar", paid it to have dinner with him, introduced her to his ex-wife: "how do you do?", went to a hotel, got drunk, got naked, trashed the place while she was locked in the cupboard... that was a Monday! What did he do on New Year's Eve?

• Ricky Gervais - Host : It was a big year for 3D movies: "Toy Story", "Despicable Me", "Tron". Seems like everything this year was three dimensional... except the characters in "The Tourist". Uh, I feel bad about that joke. I... no... I'll tell you what... I'm jumping on the bandwagon 'cause I haven't even seen "The Tourist". Who has? But, no... It must be good 'cause it's nominated tonight. So shut up, ok? And I'd like to squash the ridiculous rumour going around that the only reason "The Tourist" was nominated was so that the Hollywood Foreign Press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. That is rubbish, that is not the only reason, they also accepted bribes... No. All that happened was some of them were taken to see Cher in concert, how the hell is that a bribe? Really? "You wanna go to see Cher?" "No." "Why not?" "'Cause it's not 1975."

• Ricky Gervais - Host : Also not nominated "I love you Philip Morris". Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor: two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous scientologist thing. Um, probably. My lawyers helped me to get away with that joke; they're not here.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : Talking of the "Walking Dead", congratulations to Hugh Hefner, whose getting married at the age of 84 to 24 age beauty Crystal Harris. When she was asked why she was marrying him she said: "'Cause he lied about his age. He told me he was 94... Oh, come on...". Don't worry, hold out, just don't look at him when you touch him, that's how it's done.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : Our first presenter is beautiful, talented and Jewish, apparently. Mel Gibson told me that. He's obsessed. Please welcome Scarlett Johansson.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : Next up, Eva Longoria has the daunting task of introducing the President of the HFPA. That's nothing, I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in. It's messy.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : The next presenter is a true Hollywood icon. In ten of the biggest blockbusters of all time he has shown extraordinary acting versatility. He has played a boxer... and Rambo... Please welcome Sylvester Stallone.

• Ricky Gervais - Host : The next presenter is a National Treasure: Miss Congeniality herself. This down to earth girl nextdoor, first stole our hearts as a bus driver and then as a railway fare collector. Now, of course, she wouldn't be seen death on Public Transport, 'cause she just said to me backstage: "poor people are gross and they smell bad." Please welcome Sandra Bullock!

• Ricky Gervais - Host : That's my favorite film of the year. The creator of Facebook, of course, Mark Zuckerberg, is reportedly worth 7 billion dollars! Heather Mills calls him the one that got away!

• Ricky Gervais - Host : There were a lot of big films that didn't get nominated this year, nothing for "Sex and the City 2". I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster. Um, great job! Girls, we know how old you are: I saw one of you in an episode of "Bonanza".

• Ricky Gervais - Host : The next two presenters are funny, charming and down to earth. He's Alec from the rock, she's just Jenny from the Block... If the block in question is that one on Rodeo Drive between Cartier and Prada. Please welcome Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez!