Sisters (III) (2015)

Amy Poehler: Maura Ellis

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maura Ellis : [the sisters are clothes shopping for the party]  We need a little less Forever 21 and a little more Suddenly 42.

• Maura Ellis : [the sisters have visited their parents uninvited only to realize that they are otherwise engaged]  Did we just cock block our parents?

  Kate Ellis : They were fresh off the sex griddle!

• Maura Ellis : I've been thinking...

  Kate Ellis : Why?

• Maura Ellis : How can one person have two colonoscopy stories?

• Maura Ellis : Can I borrow me your bathroom? Number one only.

• Maura Ellis : We are on the way to a shelter to give people this party food.

  Brinda : Oh, is that why you're dressed like the homeless?

• Maura Ellis : I don't wear thongs. I have a very fussy taint.

• [Brinda has crashed Kate and Maura's party and is talking to James, whom Maura has a crush on] 

  Kate Ellis : Are you serious? 'Cause I am straight-up baffled.

  Brinda : I'm sorry?

  Kate Ellis : I believe you called this party "a sad and desperate event"?

  Brinda : Well, I just figured I'd pop in and say hello to everyone. I mean, we're all adults now, right?

  Kate Ellis : Nice try. On your bike, bitch.

  Maura Ellis : [whimpers] 

  Kate Ellis : Get your peanut butter outta my sister's chocolate.

  Brinda : Wow.

  Kate Ellis : I respect your jumpsuit, but not its contents. Hit it.

• Maura Ellis : Blue? What would possess a person to paint stained wood blue? What, were you raised on a tugboat?

• Kate Ellis : I wish being gay was a choice, because I always did like that shorts and boots look.

  Maura Ellis : Yeah I dunno, for me the deal breaker might be the eating of the pussy.

  Kate Ellis : Oh really? 'Cause for me, it would just be the fucking unbearable amount of talking.

• Maura's Patient : No, I don't need lotion in there!

  Maura Ellis : [Shushes]  Yeah, you do need lotion in there.

• [Unrated version only] 

  Kate Ellis : Oh, I'm so sorry that you couldn't get laid for the last five millionth time in your life.

  Maura Ellis : Oh, I get! I get my fucking dick when I want to.

  Kate Ellis : I know you get tons of dick!

  Maura Ellis : Just not tonight and not recently.

  Kate Ellis : Mmmm-hmmm.

• Maura Ellis , Kate Ellis : Fuck the haters!

• Maura Ellis : [Policeman writes on his note pad]  Why don't you write this on your notepad. E.A.T...

  [Policeman starts writing] 

  Maura Ellis : S.H.I.T...

  Kate Ellis : Okay! Oh My GOD!

• Maura Ellis : E-A-T... S-H-I-T.