Stuber (2019)

Kumail Nanjiani: Stu

Photos 

Quotes 

• [from trailer] 

  Stu : [jokingly]  Hey, lemme guess, you want me to drive you to all the Sarah Connors in the city?

  Vic : [impatiently]  Koreatown, now!

• Stu : [on Vic's impersonation of Leon]  Wow... what other racist stereotypes can you do?

• [Stu's Uber car explodes] 

  Stu : Nooo! It was a lease! How could it explode? It didn't have any fuel in it.

  [the answer dawns on Stu] 

  Stu : The propane tanks.

• Nicole : So, how do you know my dad?

  Stu : He kidnapped me. We killed some people.

  Nicole : Huh.

• Vic : You've got brass balls.

  Stu : Don't talk about my balls!

  Vic : It's me and you.

  Stu : Leave my balls out of it!

  Vic : We're a team buddy.

• Stu : [about his boss]  He's the second worst guy I've ever met.

  Vic : Who's the first?

  Stu : I'll give you a hint. It's you.

• Stu : [after Vic yells at him to go to Compton]  Okay, stop just yelling neighborhoods. That's not how Uber works, okay?

• Stu : Do you remember that part of NeverEnding Story where Atreyu walks through the oracle gates and those guys, big statue things, can see a warrior's true internal nature and that super scary knight just vaporizes because deep down he doesn't believe in himself?

  Vic : Yeah?

• Vic : I can't see.

  Stu : Oh my god. You're blind? I am so sorry. I didn't know it was like that.

  Vic : It'll come back.

  Stu : That's the spirit.

• Vic : [after Vic steals many guns from the store Stu works at]  Put it on my Uber tab.

  Stu : There's no tab! Uber is not a general store in the Old West!

• Vic : I could have called another Uber driver earlier and you know why I didn't?

  Stu : Because you don't know how to use apps!

• Stu : I'm gonna need therapy for the rest of my life. And I don't have insurance. So I'm gonna have to get cheap student therapists who quote white guys with Indian names who tell me I should meditate! I DO MEDITATE!

• Vic : I've got self-respect. You know what that is?

  Stu : Is that when a blind cop kidnaps an Uber driver?

• Stu : [to Becca]  I'm just gonna drop off Douche Lundgren and I'll be right over, okay?

• Stu : You know, I don't remember signing up for this TED talk.

• Stu : You Stockholm-syndromed me!