MaxZorin's Reviews

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

9/10

Jim Blesener and Cat Stevens Go to Black Shack

31 July 2004

I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in a long time. Being a fan of White Castle and the talents of John Cho and Kal Penn, this movie was a sure fire hit. Normally I would think a script about two stoners on a quest for White Castle sliders would be boring, if not retarded, material... but this movie just works.

Let's face it - the stoner angle may not appeal to everyone, but their quest is just too good/funny to pass up. There are more wacky moments than most "buds hit the road" comedies can muster. Imagine Neil Patrick Harris (NPH!!) playing himself - well, he flippin' does here, in a very funny, if slightly disturbing, role. The comradeship between John and Kal is fantastic. They'll probably remind you of two old buds from college - or maybe even hit closer to home.

I'm not sure if it's the great delivery by John/Kal, maybe the writing, or a both - this movie is really a great time. The whole theater was laughing - I haven't heard that in A LONG TIME. Did "Bruce Almighty" do that? No. Did "Envy" do it? Hell no. Did "50 First Dates" do it? Ummm, no.

Bottom line - this is a good movie that actually delivers the laughs.

103 out of 120 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Werewolf (1995 Video)

As Sam the Keeper would say, "What's going on..... Oh my God.... help me... holy Jesus God father.... WEREWOLF?!"

11 July 2003

This movie does indeed stink a lot. However, that DOES NOT mean it isn't worth viewing. It's actually a hilarious romp through Flagstaff, Arizona. First off you have stars like Richard Lynch (Trancers II) and Joe Estevez (Beach Babes From Beyond), these guys are always great in B-movies like this one!

The dialogue is insane and the special effects are ridiculous - is that really supposed to be a werewolf? I think it looks more like a bear that lived on Endor and got beat by a bunch of Ewoks with traffic cones.

Anyhow, the real gem here is the character portrayed by R.C. Bates (Bad Girls) known as "Sam the Keeper". Sam's job is to watch over the house where are main character lives. Not since the movie "Fletch" has the silver screen been graced by a more hilarious watchman.

Sam's is one goofy guy - he looks like Santa Claus/Jerry Garcia dressed up in camo carrying a shotgun "just to keep the flies down". He's a lovable goof and every scene he's in you'll find yourself hitting rewind to hear him deliver his goofy lines over and over. He even calls Count Dracula a faggot - but you don't need to believe him, "cause that's the facts!"

Sam the Keeper makes this movie a must see. Good out and rent it! Invite a couple friends over, order some pizza, and laugh away.

It should be noted that my friends and I thought this movie was so funny that I should have been on MST3K when we first saw it years ago... well, there is a sense of justice out there, because it did end up being on MST3k and boy, that was a good episode.

R.C. Bates forever!!!

16 out of 18 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

8/10

"Desire is irrelevant; I am a machine."

2 July 2003

When I first heard about "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines", I was really excited... Arnold was coming back! I got really nervous when James Cameron ended up turning down the project, so I was a mixed bag as trailers for "T3" began popping up in late Spring 2003.

Last night I saw "T3" at a sneak preview in Georgetown.

I was impressed as all Hell. "T3" totally rocked.

Everyone knows Arnold is back protecting John Conner from a new terminator. That's right, no T-800 or T-1000, but the T-X. The T-X played by one of the hottest women I've seen in a long time (Loken), is an awesome design indeed: a new terminator endoskeleton with multiple onboard weapon systems coated in liquid metal. Holy crap man! That is one bad ass terminator - I never thought they'd top the T-1000, but they did. The T-X kicks ass.

The movie is action packed, a non-stop thrill ride as critics might say. Claire Danes is hot and believable and Nick Stahl surprised me with his taking over of the John Conner role. Hats off to both of them.

By the time the credits were rolling and the Terminator theme was echoing through the theater, everyone in there was just like "whoa". The ending blew everyone away - all I can say is wow.

"T3" is sure to become a classic in its own right.

The question remains, will there really be a "Terminator 4"....

"Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" gets an 8/10. Top marks.

2 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Uncle Buck (1989)

As Matt Mepham would say, "What kind of 45 year old man goes trick or treating?! That guy didn't have any kids with him! I hate that guy! Freakin' 45 years old, screaming to people 'I want a 3 Musketeer

10 June 2003

"Buck wild" indeed my friends.

I'm make this one short and sweet kids. John Candy is great as the title character "Uncle Buck". My mom took me to see this at the local Ford-Tel dollar show when I was a little kid with my sister. Never before had we laughed that hard together.

Candy doesn't miss a beat and keeps the laughs coming. My favorite parts include where he makes the BIG pancake, pulls the hatchet out of his trunk to scare Bug, and where he punches out Pooter-the-Clown.

Pooter-the-Clown, portrayed by talented yet bit part actor Mike Starr, steals the show as the drunken clown. I must have laughed to the point of wheezing last time I watched this movie (back in January I think).

This is one I'll show my kids for sure. John Candy made many classics in his day (Who's Harry Crumb, Armed and Dangerous, Delirious, Planes Trains and Automobiles, the Great Outdoors), but Uncle Buck will always be the fondest memory I had of him.

God bless you John. I'll never forget you.

2 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Invasion U.S.A. (1985)

As James Jaskolski would say, "Hey buddies! She looks *exactly* like the President's daughter from INVASION U.S.A. !!!"

10 June 2003

First off, let's just make it clear that my friend James is an idiot. Look at the cast credits... no credits for the President, let alone his daughter...

Anyhow, despite what James said, INVASION U.S.A. is yet another Chuck Norris epic of patriotism and action. Chuck Norris saves the day and kicks Richard Lynch's butt back to Russia in this 1980's classic. It's nothing spectacular that would be deemed a must see, yet I can't avoid sitting back and watching this movie when it is on TNT (they know drama alright).

Chuck Norris goes on to do WALKER, TEXAS RANGER and SIDEKICKS. Richard Lynch goes on to film WEREWOLF with veteran actor R.C. Bates, the best worst movie ever made.

Sit back and relax America, Chuck's got our back.

8 out of 12 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984)

As the Clown from Uncle Buck would say, "WHAT?! I'm freakin' 45 years old and I'm still trick or treating! Gimme a 3 Musketeers! I'm a ridiculous cliche run wild!" (cork) (cork) (cork)

10 June 2003

I don't really remember much of this film. I saw it year ago when I was a little kid (I can't believe I saw "OVER THE TOP" and liked it back then).

Anyhow, here's the part I remember:

TARZAN PEES ON AN APE. THE APE GOT REALLY MAD AND CHASED TARZAN.

I must have laughed so hard I peed myself.

Rent it. Laugh at the peeing part. I did. Oh, two other words of advice: 1) Don't ever rent "OVER THE TOP" (unless you like arm wrestling for child custody) 2) Don't ever bring up the Clown from Uncle Buck with QUANTA666. He really hates that Clown. Seriously.

0 out of 8 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

The X from Outer Space (1967)

10/10

As Stephanie Koch would say, "Mmmmmm! That tastes gooder than beans!" (Or something to that extent)

10 June 2003

Warning: Spoilers

***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** Where to begin? This film has it all. First we have the crazy 60s era costumes and sets (far out). Then the crazy dubbing over the Japanese voices, which is hilarious. Just listen to when they identify the ship "AA B GAMMA... AA B GAMMA!" There's also the scenes on the moon with the nearly visible trampolines with people in space suits jumping merely up and down. Classic.

But then, like an hour into the movie, the real treat. GUILALA arrives on the scene.

When GUILALA (pronounce gee la la, with little emphasis on the g sound) arrives on Earth, all hell breaks lose. This space chicken from hell sure packs a punch. He lays waste to the whole Japanese air defense force (one plane smacks him square in the face and he keeps on going). His fire ball breath is a riot, especially when he hits the one plane *directly* above him perfectly. He does a lot of cool stuff including absorb nuclear energy and transform in a large energy ball that can set cities on fire (sparing a few neighborhoods however).

GUILALA should have had his own series as GODZILLA and GAMERA have had. He's got power, charisma, and a certain cheesy charm with those glowing red eyes and silly antenna bobbing up and down. I love the little guy's roar too. (RRRrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaRR!!!)

Along with my friend Stephanie, I felt really sad for poor GUILALA in the end....

*** SPOILERS!!! *** DO NOT READ ANY FARTHER *** SPOILERS!!! ***

...they defeat GUILALA using a rare material known as "Guilalium", which blocks GUILALA's main drive; it stops the flow of energy. Using some remaining jets, the Japanese Defense Air Force literally bukkakes the mighty monster into his small, harmless spore form. This movie marks the first bukkake scene in history.

GUILALA is then launched into space as a spore. Sadly, when the end credits roll, you too will feel bad for the little guy. Hopefully we may see a remake or sequel down the road, but since this was made in 1967, the chances are slim.

Note that GUILALA isn't the only "space chicken" seen in kaiju (giant monster) movies. GODZILLA's foe GIGAN is also a space chicken, although GIGAN came later and he had cybernetic enhancements such as a chest buzz saw.

Pray for an American DVD release for "THE X FROM OUTER SPACE" because it is only available on DVD as an import.

GUILALA, "THE X FROM OUTER SPACE" is truly a kaiju classic and it's a lot of fun to watch with a group of friends. Give it a whirl.

GUILALA had earned the right to be recognized among Monster Island legends GODZILLA, RODAN, MOTHRA, KING GHIDORAH, GAMERA, and GYAOS! ALL HAIL GUILALA!

4 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

They Live (1988)

PUT THE GLAUSES (GLASSES) ON!

21 November 2002

This is probably one of the best movies I have ever seen and remains one of my all time favorites. John Carpenter does not disappoint once again when he pieces together this story of aliens among us. Carpenter directs as WWF legend "Rowdy" Roddy Piper plays the character "NADA". Nada is your average down-on-his-luck construction worker looking for employment in Reaganomics-reigning 1980s Los Angeles. He finds a friend in unemployed man (played by Keith David). Together, they find out that the world has been secretly overrun by aliens.

They find out by finding these SPECIAL GLASSES (Piper pronounces the word "GLAUSES") that reveal who is an alien and who is not. Filled with anti-Republican rhetoric, action, laughs, and serious fun... They Live can't be beat. This movie has some of the most quotable lines in the history of movies. Also look for the fight scene between Piper and David when Piper has to convince David to "PUT THE GLAUSES ON!" Both actors really did duke it out and actually broke the window on some guy's car that was parked in the alley. After filming the scene, the cast and crew left the alley in a hurry!

Piper's wrestling skills are put to the test as he tackles alien cops and hordes of aliens disquised as affluent members of society. Watch this movie... and think about it... are we really alone in this universe? Only a pair of SPECIAL GLAUSES can tell....

2 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Transformers: Robots in Disguise (2000)

As Sean Connery would say, "Losers always whine about their best, winners go home and (BLEEP) the prom queen!"

26 November 2001

ROBOTS IN DISGUISE. THE TRANSFORMERS. Why is everyone being so critical of this new series?

OK, so Optimus isn't a semi truck. BIG FREAKIN DEAL! You should be happy he's not a gorilla for once (even though I had no problem with that, what would a semi truck be doing hanging out with a rhino and a cheetah in a show called Beast Wars). Optimus is still awesome, his new voice is just fine and he looks sweet. He's still a great leader and cares about his commrades.

And leave Megatron alone! So what if he looks like a Terrorcon when he turns into his two headed dragon mode! His robot mode looks just like the Epyon Gundam from Gundam Wing. Just look at the two, they both turn into two headed dragons for crying out loud. His voice is mean and a lot more threatening than people give credit.

I like the new Scourge, he's an evil Optimus Prime! He's not the G1 loser we remember with *PINK* fingernails and those lousy Sweeps! Scourge and his Decepticons (formerly known as Combaticons to us G1ers) are great. Ruination is a cool name, so what if Bruticus is a dog now. Remember, this is a series for KIDS.

Kids today live off of, sigh, crap like Digimon and Pokemon. Robots in Disguise targets today's kids. However, there are plenty of moments and characters for us G1 fans to appreciate and enjoy. Look at Ultra Magnus, he's way cooler than the old Magnus who always got beat up. This Magnus is a bad ass, and he's a creation of Alpha Trion. If that ain't a G1 reference for old fans, I don't know what is. There are even references for Beast Wars fans, with stasis pods and slapsticky bumbling Predacons.

Who wouldn't like a singing Sky-Byte?! That's the anime touch for you, a bit of silliness. If you ask me, this new series is just fine. Don't call it G1. Don't call it Beast Wars. It is it's own entity. It's like Gundam Wing or Gundam X to Mobile Suit Gundam; an alternate universe series. Just kick back and have a few laughs!

6 out of 8 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Weather Report Girl (1994)

8/10

As Ren Castillo would say, "Can we have that well done?"

13 September 2001

This is an excellent example of how humor and sex can be combined in an anime/hentai product.

This is the story of a unknown girl named Keiko at a news station getting her big break with a shot at doing the weather report. To keep her job and to keep the audience attentive, she wears very little on the report.

However, an old news anchor has returned from France named Kaori. She is just as sexy and sultry as Keiko, but much more professional. Immediately a rivalry begins between Keiko and Kaori. Michiko Kawaii aids Kaori in an attempt to end Keiko's career. But the chairman demands the two work together. What happens when two opposing fronts collide? A STORM!

You'll love Keiko's outrageous acts, you'll feel so sorry for Michiko's fate, and you'll love the sexy anime girls in this installment. Kaori is so hot, and Michiko really looks good too. It really is a shame there are only 2 episodes to the series. A third episode would have been VERY interesting indeed.

I give Weather Report Girl 2 a 8.5 out of 10, and make sure to see part 1 as well! Both episodes are on the one DVD from Toho Video.

2 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Weather Report Girl (1994)

8/10

As Nick Emerson would say, "What???"

13 September 2001

This is an excellent example of how humor and sex can be combined in an anime/hentai product.

This is the story of an unknown girl named Keiko at a news station getting her big break with a shot at doing the weather report. To keep her job and to keep the audience attentive, she wears very little on the report.

However, the current weather report girl, Michiko Kawaii, won't let Keiko have her job just yet. She attempts to stop Keiko at all costs, even if it means a hired hit. Keiko must also contend with a dork she went to high school with, a man she literally scarred for life and now all he wants is her.

You'll love Keiko's outrageous acts, you'll feel so sorry for Michiko's fate, and you'll laugh at how the chairman and tv studio reacts to all of this. The chairman is great, he resembles Master Roshi from "Dragon Ball Z" (or Tim Waske, take your pic).

I give Weather Report Girl a 8 out of 10, and make sure to see part 2 as well! Both episodes are on the one DVD from Toho Video.

5 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

D.C. Cab (1983)

10/10

As Matt Mepham would say, "You gotta make the RUUUNNNNNN!!"

13 September 2001

QUANTA 666 said it best, Gary Busey deserves the life-time achievement award. This movie is his best by far. Busey plays cabbie Dell, who believes that the world will be run by black people and he'll be a "token white".

He works with a motley crew of cabbies, including Bill Maher, Mr. T, Dr. Jamaican, and the Barbarian Bros. Dell takes a new cabbie Albert (played by Adam Baldwin) under his wing to teach him the ropes, including how to get a fare from someone who won't pay.

There is nudity, not just cardboard as I once said. There is profanity, including a line about being a "white bread chicken #$@!" and other colorful phrases like "bend and flush".

This film is all over the place; it has humor, drama, action, and even a positive message towards teamwork and sacrifice. I recommend this movie highly. I give it a 9 out of 10. Just don't rent it on January the 8th, cause that's Elvis's birthday... uh huh huh....

7 out of 11 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Far Out Space Nuts (1975–1976)

As Pat Burke would say, "Dude... that's not cool."

13 September 2001

OK, OK, OK clown. This is show is another one of those "must have been on drugs when making it" shows from the 70s. Bob Denver, from the show Gilligan's Island (who played Gilligan), is accidentally shot into space with a guy who happens to be a lot like the Skipper. Each week the bumbling duo try to make their way home.

They even meet a muppet who honks named Honk. Cute?

And then the pie. Oh, the pie folks. The intro itself has an amazing moment when a pie nails the Skipper-like character in the face... in zero gravity. Can you say "WHOA"? The camera tricks and special effects are so ridiculous and trippy... you just know this show was made for a certain audience.

In no way was "Far Out Space Nuts" a kid show, but a show for fans of programs like "Dennis Archer's Detroit Magic Hour" and "H.R. Puff'n'Stuff". A must see to see how trippy the 1970s really were.

6 out of 13 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Angel Links (1999)

In no way "Outlaw Star", but yet "Angel Links" has its merits

12 September 2001

Ok, it is true that "Guardian Force: Angel Links" takes place in the same universe as "Outlaw Star". You do see two characters from O.S., Dragonite Duuz and Valeria Vertone, plus cameos by Fred Lowe, Tao Masters, the bartender and waitress from Sentinel III, and some others... but that's where the likeness ends. Gone are the days of grappler ship combat (however, the Angel Links ship does get attacked by pirates using grappler ships), and gone is the crew of the Outlaw Star.

The animation isn't as good, and it features pretty awful computer animation for some effects.

However, there is a good story and some interesting characters. The main character, Meifon Li, the well-endowed 16 owner of the Links Security group, is funny, fierce, and very lovable. Her crew is also colorful, and soon it has the family feeling you got with the crew of the Outlaw Star. Kosei, Meifon's assistant, is another great character, the voice of reason and logic.

Dragonite Duuz and Valeria Vertone have been significantly improved. Duzz is now shown armed with a sword, and he is a master at combat. He believes in a code of honor and valor. Valeria is the tough military commander. The two create a force to be reckoned with.

Overall, the show gets a 7.5 out of 10. Duuz, Kosei, and Meifon are the golden characters here. The series in only 13 episodes long, but trust me there is a main story unfolding here, but I won't ruin it. It is quite dramatic from what I've seen, and I can't wait to see the last 3 episodes.

1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

H.R. Pufnstuf (1969–1970)

As Karl Bankwitz would say, "I Be Puffin' Stuff!"

3 July 2000

This is a weird, weird, weird show. My friend Tom and I are afraid to watch it because it feels like you are on drugs. Strange muppets, subliminal messages, hypnotic imagery, funky colors are all on parade in this 1969 TV Series about... you know, I have no clue what was going on! I don't know if this would be considered a recommendation, but I must admit, you should see this show once to see how "trippy" it really is.

9 out of 13 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1983–1985)

As Scott Mason would say "Bwah! What a cool show!"

17 June 2000

Like "The Transformers" and "G.I. Joe", "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" was one of the best cartoons of the 1980s. The show was a great afternoon adventure story of Prince Adam on the far off world of Eternia. He battled the evil forces of a cruel and evil genius Skeletor. But Adam had to keep his real identity secret, so by the power of Grayskull (the castle He-Man protects for its secrets inside) Adam is transformed into He-Man, and his cat Kringer becomes Battle Kat. It was a great show, had an awesome toy line including the Castle Grayskull playset. There were so many cool characters, like Mer-Man, Beast-Man, Man-at-Arms, Ram-Man, and the ever darkly cool Cobra Khan. If you can find episodes of this show, I recommend you give them a whirl. It was one cool show then, and it is one cool memory I have today.

2 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Big Shots (1987)

7/10

Great childhood memories of this fun movie

31 January 2000

I saw this movie when I was around 10 or 11 years old, and I loved it. I mean, come on, the story revolves around two 11 year olds stealing a Mercedes! I rented it for a flashback thrill in 1999 to refresh my memory of it. It is still a wonderful movie, so I bought it. Its a great movie to show to your little brothers and sisters or, if you have some, your own kids. There is a little violence, some swearing- but this is what kids love to see! I will treasure this movie forever, and never forget villains, the actor who play the German guy "Doc" is great! I always loved the main theme song to it, "Freedom Overspill," however I thought it was done by Peter Gabriel. I was wrong, it's Steve Winwood. But it's an easy mistake; Gabriel, Winwood, and Phil Collins can sound alike. See the movie! The kid in you will love it!

8 out of 10 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Playboy: Sorority Girls (1997 Video)

As Chuck Racz would say, "This movie was pretty tight."

19 October 1999

A spectacular parade of young sorority gals in one of the hottest videos ever. There is never a dull moment, with one great vivid scene after the other. The camera techniques can get to be like the "NYPD Blue" camera, all jumping around and crazy, at times. However, this is the Playboy style-and it just adds to the precarious antics of these hot women. This movie does deserve a DEUCE for sure. Check it out. It is definately worth it.

0 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

MaxZorin

Reviews

Tell Your Friends

Recently Viewed