Reviews

It is indeed a shame that the excellent and pioneering Willis O'Brien film of the Conan Doyle masterpiece is not being granted the decent big-budget re-make it so rightly deserves. Instead we have, in recent years, been lumbered with a lot of tacky, vacuous, half-hearted re-makes. This TV series has nothing to do with the Conan Doyle story "The Lost World". The name is merely used as a blanket title to attract viewers to what is a completely unremarkable series, little more than an excuse to show uninteresting and woefully cliched 'butt-kicking babes' saving pathetic, inadequate men from computer game sprites. The storylines are slow and tedious, Challenger is feeble, nothing like the fiery character he was in the novel or the 1925 film, the natives are just laughable, and the dinosaur sequences are leaden and unexciting. The Lost World? Conan Doyle would be ashamed to have his name associated with such bottom-of-the-barrel tosh as this, and O'Brien would wonder what special effects have come to.

A hard-to-come-by film, which is a shame as this is a real gem. A group of space travellers are accidentally stranded on a distant alien planet which turns out to be inhabited by prehistoric monsters. This is real edge-of-seat suspence from beginning to end, and you really feel for the characters. There is plenty of appropriately chilling scenery (and I couldn't see any houses or roads), a superbly eerie soundtrack and some dramatic, impressive stop-motion dinosaurs including one of the scariest Tyrannosaurs ever to dominate a movie screen (it even kills the Beast from 20,000 Fathoms at one point, the Harryhausen monster's cameo a nice touch). An under-rated classic, up there with the best dinosaur films.

For some reason or another, a photographically-enlarged lizard foot keeps squashing people whilst boy racers zoom about. Slow-moving, this film has very little to recommend it to anybody but the most dedicated monster-about-town fan. Some nice scenery, but you'll probably fall asleep.

One of Ray Harryhausen's earlier films, this is among the best monster-on-the-rampage movies from the fifties and sixties. An expedition to Venus returns to Earth, bringing with them a strange alien creature which soon begins to grow to giant proportions. What makes this film is Harryhausen's superb animation. The alien 'Ymir' is imaginatively-designed and is an interesting and, as with a lot of Harryhausen's monsters, you feel real sympathy for it. Look quickly for a cameo from Harryhausen as a zoo keeper.

The first true Harryhausen films, and it's a real landmark film, the first of the atomic age monster movies (and one which led to the creation of a certain Japanese monster).

Atomic tests in the arctic release a prehistoric beast which has been trapped in the ice for millions of years. In no time the mysterious creature is wrecking havoc, but sceptical scientists refuse to believe in the existence of such a thing.

In common with a lot of Harryhausen's creations, the Beast itself has a real character, is a believable animal rather than just a monster. The film is cleverly-written and the characters are well-thought-out. A first-rate tale.

A bona fide atomic age film. A group of military men and scientists go looking for a missing rocket, soon find themselves making their way up onto a mountain where dinosaurs still roam. Alright, so it's The Lost World with an atomic rocket, but the characters are well-thought-out, the film is highly entertaining, the green tint was an original idea and there are interesting and thought-provoking pieces of atomic age tension. The bonus is that this film differs from a lot of monster movies of the fifties in that the dinosaurs are stop-motion rather than photo-enlarged lizards. Well worth seeing if you're a fan of dinosaur films, or sci-fi in general.

Victor Meldrew, retired security guard and human sponge 'soaking up every misery in the world' will surely be remembered in many years to come as one of comedy's greatest creations. Not to say that 'One Foot in the Grave' is strictly 2-D comedy. As with all the best of these kinds of things, it is more of a drama series which just happens to be funny. There is a good cast of genuine characters, all played with believability. Among them are Victor's long-suffering wife Margaret, her friend Mrs Warboys (who always seems to end up on the wrong end of disaster), next-door neighbours Patrick and Pippa (the former a Victor-in-the-making), and the enigmatic Mr Swainey who lives with his mysterious never-seen mother. And the programme certainly manages non-stop hilarity and plenty of genuine belly laughs throughout its six series and various extra-long specials. Well-written,inventive and clever plots involve everything from the everyday to the bizarre. Especially notable are hundreds of garden gnomes turning up on Victor's doorstep, Victor and Mrs Warboys both getting a foot stuck in a bag of plaster and having to heave it along with them as they attempt to find their way out of 'the set from Apocolypse Now', a caravan which contains the ghost of a devil worshipper, a chimpanzee which has a 'thing' for Victor, a scorpion talisman which brings down a plague of bad luck on its owner, and a guest house which is 'more like a wildlife kingdom'. Also memorable are the episodes involving one long scene - Victor stuck in a traffic jam, waiting for a telephone call and sitting in a waiting area. The fact that a half-hour episode in which nothing actually happens can be hilarious, entertaining and meaningful demonstrates the skill and depth of writing and the high quality of acting present throughout the series. Victor himself, despite initially coming across as a grumpy old man, is actually one of the most sympathetic characters ever created. Everybody can relate to the problems he faces on a daily basis, and everyone can cheer him on as he says and does the kinds of things we've all longed to do in certain trying situations. If you're a fan of any kind of comedy then this is unmissable.

The definitive sequel to one of the finest thrillers ever made, this continues the story of Amity Island, which is now facing the problem of another man-eating shark. Unlike most sequels, this is just as good as the original. The characters are as strong as before. Chief Brody now comes across as a more embittered figure than previously, and you often feel a combination of shark and apathetic councillors have taken their toll on him - a sequence in which he runs across a crowded beach with a gun poised to shoot something in the water which turns out to be a school of fish is an especially powerful scene. The feel of the first Jaws is well-imitated. Yes, there are teenagers, but they are more likeable and better actors than the 'Friday the 13th' types, and very little would happen for the last half an hour without them. Highly recommended to fans of the original Jaws, but ignore the further sequels and rip-offs which follow.

Far from being a monster movie, this is a realistic and gritty example of a town which relies on summer trade having its beaches invaded by a dangerous shark. There are genuinely suspenseful sequences, a first-rate soundtrack and believable people. The character development of the three men in the boat shows there's a lot more to this film than just a rubber fin. I'd recommend this and Jaws 2 to any fan of drama/thrillers.

A TV programme which doesn't seem to have got the recognition it deserves, which is a pity, as it is the best original creation for years. The series is based around Eric Feeble, 40-year-old divorced father who, as the title suggests, is forever under strain. At home he has to cope with his alcoholic au pair, autistic son and a daughter who is allergic to just about everything. Added to that are Eric's hippy ex-wife who keeps turning up when he least expects it, and next-door neighbours the Perfects, who seem to make it their business to out-shine Eric at every turn. At work things are no easier. The quite irritatingly handsome and wonderful Ray Perfect is a highly successful executive at Eric's place of work, Eric's secretary is forever on the telephone organising her social life, and the boss. P.P. (who is incidentally my favourite character in this series, apart from Eric himself) rules the business with an iron rod. Other regular characters include Eric's psychiatrist Doc (an age-ing swinger) and elderly neighbour Mrs Wilson, who's trips out to post a letter always end in disaster.

There is plenty of biting humour and some great comedy moments. Storylines include a nativity play, an old flame of Eric's turning up, a desperate hunt for a potato, a parents V pupils cricket match and many more. What makes this series stand out is the fact that comedy is combined with darker undertones, reflections on the pressures of modern-day life and the cast of interesting, genuine and often not unsympathetic characters. A second series was broadcast in 2000. Let's hope for a third.

Eleven years and still going strong. This is a topical news quiz which is never short of hilarious in its biting satire and ceaseless wit. In the chair is Angus Deyton, and competing are two teams, each made up of a regular captain and a different guest each week. The captains are comedian Paul Merton and Prive Eye editor and former 'Spitting Image' script-writer Ian Hislop. Guests over the years have included a wide range of politicians, celebrities and other well-known faces including Neil Kinnock, Ken Livingstone, Tom Baker, Charles Kennedy, Boris Johnson, Bob Monkhouse, Clive Anderson, Jo Brand, Harry Enfield, Rory Bremner, Jimmy Saville, Peter Hitchens, Trevor McDonald, Cecil Parkinson and many others. Here's to another eleven years.

As a film designed to cash in on the video-game character, this video is rather late. Sonic the Hedgehog's popularity reached its peak in the early to mid-nineties and has been in decline ever since.

This abomination of a film certainly won't cause the fans to return in droves. More likely it will alienate any of them who still remain.

The plot, or what passes for a plot, involves Sonic's enemy Dr Robotnik tricking the hedgehog into going down into the underworld where a robot Sonic is waiting. Sonic also has the worry of rescuing the princess from Robotnik's clutches.

They can all drop dead as far as I'm concerned. This is more like an early morning cartoon than a movie. The animation looks cheap and badly-drawn (the same pieces of animation used over and over again in some places), very little of interest seems to happen and the characters are so irritating and obnoxious you couldn't care less about any of them. The music is forgettable and the voices are below feeble - Tails sounds like he has a cold all the way through the movie, Sonic is a wailing adolescent and Robotnik has the most laughable attempt at a German accent I've ever heard. Add to that pathetic attempts at humour and the leaden 'action' scenes (which are like watching somebody playing a low-budget video game) and you have a turkey even Bernard Matthews wouldn't touch.

I have never read the King novel 'Needful Things' and so can't compare it with this film one way or the other.

But this film, about a mysterious character who sets up a shop in which local residents find various treasures and are then tricked into perpetrating horrors against their neighbours, is entertaining and contains some good characters and marvelously black comedy. Though there are a few cheesy moments (like that ridiculous model which is supposed to represent a skinned dog), the film is still a winner. Max Von Sydow is good as the literally devilish owner of the Needful Things store and the climax is nicely-done.

This is one of the most derivative films the movie industry has ever turned out. The plot - a giant mutated lizard which makes its way to the city - is like 'Beast From 20,000 Fathoms' re-lived, the bursting of the babies from eggs is like 'Aliens', the monsters are obviously inspired by 'Jurassic Park' T-Rex and Raptors and the climax atop a landmark is copied from RKO's 1933 'King Kong'.

Though monster movies are not known for their multi-layered plots or their in-depth characters, this is just a sham. The characters are all cardboard cut-outs, the monster has no character at all and its offspring are quite obviously CGI creations. The humour is also pathetic. A fat man who is constantly eating and has to often be stopped from doing so? A dated concept which belongs in uninspired cartoon strips. The contempt for Godzilla fans and the audience in general is obvious. This film is more of an advert than entertainment, all the tacky merchandise having been prepared in advance. It's dull, plodding and the monster itself is hardly visible through the rain.

Do yourself a favour - find the original 1950s version instead and throw this piece of CGI dross in the trash compactor where it belongs.

The original 1950s black-and-white Godzilla film is a serious, gritty and suspenceful piece of drama. The H-bomb and apocalyptic themes are superbly captured and the radioactive revived creature comes across as a genuine and sinister threat rather than the figure of fun it later became.

The non-dubbed, subtitled version of this classic is the best. Not only a great film but also a piece of cinema history. Forget the recent American money-minded advert for merchandise and watch this instead.

Another of Godzilla's species is discovered on an island, along with a spiky creature called Angilusaurus (or Angilus for short). Before long the two monsters are wrecking havoc.

Though this film was rushed out, it has the advantages of being made in the age when Godzilla films were serious-themed. The scenes in which city populations are told to turn their lights off to avoid Godzilla's attention at night are atmospheric and recall World War 2, when city lights were turned off to avoid the attention of enemy bombers. The music is haunting and the scenery, especially on the island, is suitably eerie. The film does tail away towards the end, but it's still one of the stronger sequels.

As with the original, and most other Godzilla films, the original non-dubbed version with subtitles is recommended.

A skeptical American psychologist comes to England to investigate and disprove the concept of the supernatural. But before long he finds himself cursed by the leader of a witch cult and disbelief becomes terrifying reality.

Some superbly brooding shots of Stonehenge accompanied by a haunting speech about runic powers start what is without doubt one of the darkest and most solemnly atmospheric films ever made. The cult leader Dr Karswell is brilliantly portrayed and the film is filled with memorable dialogue, well-realized characters and powerful horrific/psychological imagery, all accompanied by a grippingly sinister soundtrack. Whether you're a horror fan or not, this is unmissable.

An expedition sets off into the icy wastelands to find living proof of the Yeti.

This is what horror/sci-fi films should be about - chilling suspense, but also a serious thought-provoking theme. There is certainly no shortage of suspense in this genuinely haunting, well-paced film. There is also no shortage of powerful dialogue, much of which is provided by Peter Cushing's likeable botanist. The characters are all believable and well-written, the isolated monastery and the lonely mountains make for atmospheric scenery and the music is suitably chilling.

The famous novel is the latest thing to fall victim to the commercialism industry. Everywhere you look now there is 'Watership Down' merchandising based on this TV series.

Re-makes rarely turn out anything as good as the originals, and that's certainly the case here. This series is a product of a modern generation which seems to think that kids can only watch cosily bland stuff - I saw the original film when I was a youngster and I never had nightmares. The voices in this TV series version are variable. A few of the vocalists from the original film return, but most of the voices are just typical 'cute cartoon bunny' voices and many supposedly serious scenes are rendered laughable.

Too early-morning-cartoony to be taken seriously, too slow and uneventful to be regarded as comedy. Do yourself a favour and get the original film on video - it's been re-graded from a PG (Parental Guidence) to a U (suitable for all), so even the producers must realise it isn't all that shocking for youngsters.

In a world where 'animation' these days means twee, harmless, bland Disney-type dross it's nice to see that there are still at least some genuinely good cartoon series out there. This one involves three hens who defend the innocent animals around their farm and countryside from foxes.

The characters are all interesting and the scripts are well-written. What sets this apart from most cartoons these days is that anybody of any age can appreciate it. The satirical election episode (a thinly-disguised parody of the '97 election)is an all-time gem of animation. "We've created a monster. No, worse. We've created a politician!"

It is ten years after Michael Myers escaped from the psychiatric clinic and went on the rampage and he has been in a coma ever since being burnt at the end of Halloween 2. But one of the ambulance drivers transporting him somewhere lets slip that he has a niece in Haddonfield and before you know it he's making his way back there.

Myers has become seemingly indestructable by now. He was seen emerging from a hospital as a human fireball at the end of art 2 and yet he seems to have escaped more or less unscathed. And howcome he can see anything when he was blinded in Part 2 just before being roasted alive?

However, if you overlook these points you'll find this is an entertaining and well-made film. Dr Loomis returns to Haddonfield after his ex-patient, played by Donald Pleasance at his best, and there are plenty of interesting characters and situations.

One of the better of the Halloween series, certainly much more worthwhile than the dismal Halloween 5 or most of the repetative Friday the 13th films.

Mystical quest film based on various Roman legends in which Perseus must find a way to prevent the Kraken, a huge sea monster, from devouring his beloved.

Though that sounds cliched, this is a wonderful film filled with genuine characters and a nightmarish world full of Harryhausen's unforgettable stop-motion creatures - a snake-haired Gorgon, a two-headed dog, a giant eagle, the winged Pegasus, huge scorpions which spring from Medusa's blood. The whole film has a spellbindingly dreamlike quality and must rank as one of the finest fantasy films ever made.

Before I start this review can I just ask why this film opens with a shot of an Emperor scorpion? A West African arachnid in a brazilian rainforest? Righto.

Now that's out the way, on with the review. Though this film has a very strong moral (people who think insects are disgusting and live disgusting lives should first take a look at the human race) the whole thing is marred by the fact that it can't seem to decide whether it's a comedy or a more serious ecologically-themed drama. The insect family trying to fit into human society and coming to terms with it could have been hilarious, but the film is too mean-spirited and bleak to be funny (the family daughter is date-raped, the father commits adultery with his secretary, the son takes drugs, the dog is poisoned by the same drugs and ends up reverting back to an insect before being crushed to death). It's also too cosily bland and light-hearted to be regarded as having anything serious to say about ecology.

Even in the age of video nasties Monty Python proved it could still shock as much as ever. This is without doubt one of the best Monty Python films. There are classic sketches from beginning to end and some very well-written and well-sung songs. It's nice to be able to say that this, the Monty Python swansong, shows the team and the humour at their very best.

10 out of 10

A film with animation by Ray Harryhausen. It's a pity he couldn't have animated Patrick Wayne, who's bland performance means he comes across as the least interesting Sinbad. It is Patrick Troughton's excellently enigmatic Melanthius and Margaret Whiting's icy Zenobia who are the real stars of this show.

Sinbad travels to find a way to break the spell which has turned a prince into a baboon, but Zenobia, who has plans to ensure her son is crowned king in the prince's place, calls upon the help of various mythical creatures. The minotaur is by far the best of these and ought to have faced Sinbad and his crew rather than just being crushed in an ignoble exit. Other memorable creatures include a giant walrus, insectoid-faced demons and a sabre-toothed cat. Though the central character of the title is somewhat lacking, this is still first-rate entertainment and genuine escapism, two things somewhat lacking in more recent films.