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Speaking of retirement homes, another good one is to call a bakery asking for a sheet cake to be delivered to the old folks. But be sure and ask for the cake to look like a cemetary with Nilla wafers as little headstones with R.I.P. in icing on them, and the message on the cake should read, "See Ya Soon!!"--man, these people may be old, but they still have tempers not to be messed with. I got a court fine for that one.
Other hobbies include going to the supermarket and toss glass jars of French's mustard overhead into a few aisles over. Ya gotta be quick when doing this, ya gotta toss and run like the dickens into another aisle real fast. You can always count on some idiot to be in the mustard aisle by the time you are three aisles over. Guess who is gonna get the blame for the shattered mustard jar?? Not meeeeee!! LOL.
Other fun pasttimes include taking the camcorder and filming people at bars. Offer to buy drinks for the house in exchange for everyone to get naked, and then show the film on my public access show, entitled "Skippy's World". Kinda got in trouble with this one though, but hey, married people should not be trying to pick up dates at a bar when I have the camcorder with me. Sheesh!!
Found out afterwards that public access televison will not allow nudity to be seen. Needless to say, a great segment called Pick-A-Dick was wasted. We bribed some guys to let us take photos of their genitals and then of their faces and then we asked people to place the face with the correct genitals. One hundred dollars went to the first player who correctly got the right combo. LOL.
Thought it was funny, until some middle-aged woman got all bitchy as one of the guys we showed her was her son. How the heck were we to know that he was her son!! Oh well. LOL.
Thought about having my autobiography published and call it "The Unsatisfied Virgin". Some friends who have read it said that it was like Anne Rice meeting Agatha Christie. Whatever the hell that meant! I asked a buddy what he meant, and all he said was that "It's no mystery as to why you suck". I got jail time for that for battery charges as I slugged him a few times. The cops did not believe that my buddy ran his face into my fist 6 times.
At one time, I owned a restaurant called "Skippy's Steak House" and on the sign out front, I put "Good looking ladies will be getting a free bone!". Needless to say that some women's group got all upset as I only offered the bone to the good looking ones and not the ugly ones. Just to keep them happy, I went to the butcher and purchased some hamhocks and offered those to the women, but they wanted the bone that the good looking girls would be getting. Needless to say, that sign came down pronto!! LOL.
More to come!!
I must have had that michievious streak in me from day one. I remember when I was 8 years old and it was December 1966. My old man took me to the local Woolworth's store and I got to sit on Santa Claus's lap. I sat down on his lap and asked Santa, "Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?"--Well, needless to say, my old man heard that and grabbed me off Santa's lap and proceeded to spank my ass. My butt was redder than Rudolph the reindeers nose!! I did not cry, but I told dad that he thought it was funny when Mae West said a similar line in one her movies and he told me that she could say those things, but not me. What a grouch!! LOL
There went that chemistry set that I wanted so bad.
I have a cousin,Tommy Dawson, who lives in a trailer park called "The Tacky Shack Trailer Park". LOL. What a dump!!
He lives there with his wife Crystal and their three boys, Travis, Trigger and Roy.
Now, Crystal is okay, but she is huge!! But she is losing weight. She is down to about 250 pounds. She did weigh about 300 in their old trailer. Ya see, this is their second trailer as they had an accident with their first one. Crystal was trying to run from the living room to the kitchen for something to eat and get back in time to watch her soaps, when she lost her footing and fell. The tremendous shaking knocked the trailer off its blocks and three of their coon dogs were crushed. LOL.
I used to run a small independent movie studio here in West Virginia, before it was shut down by the authorities. They said that my movies were not "of the interest of the public". Don't know why though--they did make some money. Perhaps you have heard of some of my titles:
"Attack of the 50-Foot Centipede"
"Vaseline: A Boy's Second Best Friend"
"The Haunted Outhouse"
"Rover: The Dog That Saved Omaha"
"The Miracle of Morgan's Crack"
"Boy Belly Dancers Of Boise"
"The Magnificent Seven and A Half"
"Lawrence Of Her Labia"(which was a take-off of "Lawrence Of Arabia"!!)
These were the most popular at the Royale Theatre in my hometown and in fact, this last film was the one that got us shut down. I overheard the police say that the crowds at this film looked like Mardi Gras at San Francisco!! LOL.
Thought you would like to know that Skippy here has a new job!! I am now the Headmaster of "The Devonshire Home for Unwed Fathers". If anyone is interested in sending a donation to keep our Home running, please donate!!!
I remember an incident when I finally turned 21. You know how it was, 21, finally an adult and can do anything legal now, well my cousin, Tommy Dawson, took me out for a celebratory drink and somehow during the night, we ended up three counties over in a town called Watsonville and ended up in a bar called "Uncle Jemima's"!! Well, halfway through our first beer, Tommy tells me that we were the only white guys in the place and let me tell ya, it was like one of those E. F. Hutton commercials, where everyone is staring at us!! We found out that this place was a gay bar for black men and let me say that I saw more dark meat that night than on all my Thanksgivings together!! haha.
I also remember the time that I got in trouble with the law. Ya see, I went through a divorce and since I did not have anything for the ex-wife to get ahold of,she was left empty-handed. I borrowed some money from a buddy and put a full page ad in the paper saying that a new women's group was starting up and that my ex should be a permanent member. The group was to be called "WOOF", which stands for Women Out Of Funds, which is basically what it stands for, since she did not get anything from the divorce!! She had her attorneys sue me for everything under the sun!! Darn woman has no sense of humor whatsoever. Maybe it was because I had a picture of a dog with her first name on it. Oh well!! haha.
Another embarassing incident happened when I was around 14 years old. My dad and I were debating about something, I think it was "Did John Wayne ever win an Oscar?" and I said no, while Pop said yeah. We made a bet and whoever lost had to do what the winner said. Well, I lost, because what 14 year old boy knows about Oscars, and Dad made me wear this white T-shirt that said on the front--" I sucked off my dad and all I got was this lousy shirt!" I had to wear that all day, no matter where I went. Dad thought it was hilarious, and told me that a bet was a bet. I got my dad back real good for this one, so I had a big sign printed with the letters "HOMO" spelled out on it and I told dad that the letters stood for "Helping Out Mankind Organization". He got laughing and said that my joke fell flat, but all of a sudden, a guy drove up, pointed a camera at dad, snapped the picture and drove off!! Dad was really upset and the next day, the free penny saver newspaper had the picture on the front--dad standing in front of a sign with HOMO on it. haha.
Collector's Call (2019)
Very entertaining show!!
This show is very entertaining to watch. I wish that it were an hour long instead of a half hour. It is interesting to see other people's collections of whatever they collect, whether it be advertising memorabilia, politics, movie, or sports. Lisa Whelchel of "The Facts of Life" is the hostess of the show and she seems to be as excited to view the collections as we, the viewers are. I hope the show succeeds, as it is a nice show. Reminds me of an old show on FX, way back in the early 1990's called "Personal FX: The Collectibles Show", which was also a nice show.
Battle of the Network Stars (2017)
Better than I thought!!
Having watched the first "Battle Of The Network Stars" in the 1970's-1980's, I did not know what to expect in this version of the show. At first, I was hoping that it would be like the original, but I like this version of teams like "lawyers vs. white house" or "doctors against former child stars". Nice to see some of the stars from previous shows also. I only wish that since there were only 5 actors per team, that they all participated in all the events. I mean, why only have two people competing in the kayak race or the swimming race. The older version of BOTNS had four actors in these races, so why couldn't the newer version. Also, I would have liked to see some of the former challenges, like the tandem bicycle race and the football game. But, I do like this version and plan to watch every episode.
And the Oscar Goes To... (2014)
A very good documentary
This is a very entertaining documentary on Turner Classic Movies that deals with the history of the Academy Awards. Quite a few clips of past Oscar telecasts and many interviews with the lucky people who have won the Academy Awards. Angelica Huston narrated this documentary and does a commendable job. I really loved the part where the winners were announced and the audience roars with excitement. I wish that the Academy Awards organization would put the older Oscar shows on DVD. Iwould gladly buy a set without question, but for the time being, the Oscars have a channel on YouTube and have been putting out various clips from Oscars past.
Where is Howard Cosell when you need him
Possibly the worst of the "Battle Of The Network Stars" specials. Many of the sports that were part of the prior installments are missing or totally changed. The absence of Howard Cosell is probably the most glaring problem. Gone is his distinct voice and hosting skills. In this episode, we have Dick Van Dyke and Joan Van Ark. Another glaring problem was moving the venue from Pepperdine University to some place in Mexico. The obstacle course is shortened to a jaunt on a beach. The kayak race was replaced by some race dealing with a lifeboat race on the ocean. Also, for some reason, there is also a boat race, that resembles a rowing competition with a coxswain, on the same ocean. The running relay, instead of taking place on a race track, looks as if it were held in someone's back yard. During the swimming relay, the CBS team had the misfortune of having Mary Frann on the team. I have never seen anyone swim the way this woman did. It seems like she did not want to get her face wet. Pitiful, just pitiful.
The Bing Crosby Show (1961)
This is only good for Shirley Bassey!!
Strange Christmas special with Bing Crosby and a slew of British stars of both stage and screen, some of whom I have never heard of--Dave King? Marion Ryan? The Wanderers? Who are these people?? It also has a surprise appearance by Bob Hope, which was nice to see. But, it was Shirley Bassey that made this special stand out. She gets to sing two songs--"Shooting High" and "As I Love You", which was her first number 1 hit. It is still a great song. Basically, the special is all about Bing traveling around England, looking for the history of his family tree. This special is available for sale on DVD and it came with two specials with Bing Crosby and this one even had the actual commercials when it was originally broadcast back on December 11, 1961 on ABC. The DVD cover said that this was Bing's first Christmas special, but other than Shirley Bassey, the surprise appearance of Bob Hope and Bing singing "White Christmas" at the end, it was passable.
The Price Is Right (1956)
Much classier than the current version!!
After watching "The Price Is Right" with Bob Barker for many years, I had read that there was an earlier version back in the 1950's with Bill Cullen as the host and for many years, I waited to see even one episode of this show to compare it with the current version. Luckily, the Game Show Network showed this program and that is when I finally got my chance to view this program. After the initial shock of just how sedate the contestants were, (they did not jump all over the set, scream and run around like a banshee, or make fools of themselves), I found that I really loved this version of the program. The contestants back then dressed up, with women in dresses and men in suits and ties, not like the ....... contestants these days!! Also, this version did not rely upon all the different types of games as the current version does--just four contestants continually bidding on items. I would love to see this back on the Game Show Network schedule and also to see them put out on DVD.
What a bore!!
I thought this thing would be more funnier than it was. I mean, I know a film with Mimi Hines, Phil Ford and Charley Weaver (in two roles!!) is not Academy Award winning material, but this thing was disappointing. It is all about how Phil Ford, as Mr. Big, tries to overtake the little town of Apple Valley and turn it into another Las Vegas type place. I had figured that it would be hokey, with some 1960's bad singing, dancing, and cornball comedy all in glorious Technicolor, but it has none of this going for it. In fact, it hasn't got anything going for it. It has been awhile since I fell asleep during a DVD, but this one sure did it to me. It took me two days to get through this snooze-a-thon. Maybe I was expecting low class, but not this low. After the movie, comes a couple of short films, the first one is called "The Enchanted Pot" with Joan Anderson, and it is all about how to cook with Karo Syrup. Catchy little song by the pot and Ms. Anderson. Egads, this was more entertaining than the "Apple Valley" film. The second short film is called "Treat Her With Care" and is some sort of ode to women, and how they are different. Like duhhhhhh!! This one was entertaining also, but not as much as "The Enchanted Pot".
Alice: The Odd Couple (1977)
One of the funniest episodes of "Alice"
This is the episode where Flo's trailer is stolen, so Alice tries to be a good friend and allows Flo to stay with her and Tommy until Flo gets her trailer back. Hilarity ensues as the two women are as different as night and day. Flo likes to stay up late and party around, or talk on the phone until all hours of the night, while Alice tries to get some sleep as she is the one usually working the morning shift. Watching Alice try and get "revenge" on Flo is hilarious, and I bet it was ad-libbed a bit, as Alice turns on the radio full blast, starts the vacuum cleaner and bangs it into the foldaway bed, the night tables, and makes all the noise she can in order to ruin Flo's sleep, but to her surprise, Flo just raises up in bed, boogies to the music on the blaring radio, flips on her side and falls back asleep. You can hear the crew members, along with the audience, bust out laughing, and by the looks of it, Linda Lavin must not have been expecting Polly Holliday to pull that stunt. Hilarious episode!!
Bobby Ware Is Missing (1955)
Good "little" film from Allied Artists
This is a very good film with some very good B-actors, such as Neville Brand, Arthur Franz, Paul Picerni and Jean Willes. The plot deals with the disappearance of two young boys, Bobby and Mickey and how Bobby's family and Mickey's dad deal with the two missing boys. The boys are actually missing, as they went exploring on a mountainside and lost their footing and slid all the way down the inside of a mountain that, unbeknownst to anyone, is going to be blasted with dynamite in a couple of days. Regardless of its low budget, the film was very thrilling to watch from beginning to end. I found this film on VHS, and only wish that it was on DVD instead.
So different from the Oscars of today!!
Available on DVD, this was a treat to see an entire Oscar ceremony for the old days. The only thing missing was the commercials, which was Oldsmobile. Even the five nominated songs are intact and the best one was Dean Martin who sang "Three Coins In The Fountain". Just for that alone was worth the price of the DVD. He is/was a very good singer!! The only strange part of the ceremony was the part where the presenter (whoever the star may be) appeared on stage and announced the words...."and the winner is (fill in blank)" and then announced the winner without ever mentioning all of the nominees!! So strange, as we have, in all these years, always heard the five nominees in whatever category. All of the winners were present, either in New York or Hollywood. The hosts were Bob Hope in Hollywood and Thelma Ritter in New York.
Clifton Collins Jr. should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor!!!
Just watched "Capote" and found it to be a very good film. I can understand why Phillip Seymour Hoffman won the Oscar, although I still prefer Heath Ledger from "Brokeback Mountain" as the year's best actor. But the real performance in this movie belongs to Clifton Collins, Jr. as Perry Smith. Mr. Collins's performance is what made the movie work for me. He was fantastic!! Too bad that he did not get a nomination for Best Supporting Actor, as he deserved it. They could have nominated him instead of Paul Giamatti or William Hurt. The scenes between Hoffman and Collins are very touching, and the scenes where Capote is seeing Smith for the final time are heartbreaking. You can just tell that Capote wants to tell Smith how he really feels, but with others in the room, he cannot do it. I gave this film a 10 out of 10.
Lotsa Luck! (1973)
A funny, forgotten little show!!
This was a funny show that had Dom DeLuise as Stanley, a bus driver who lives at home with his mother (Iris), sister (Olive) and brother-in-law (Arthur). His best friend was Bummy, another bus driver. Stanley was the only breadwinner in the family as Olive and Arthur, did not work. In fact, Arthur did not want to work, and was happy to stay at home. Kathleen Freeman played the mother, Beverly Sanders played the sister, Wynn Irwin played the brother-in-law and Jack Knight played the best friend. Everyone was hilarious in their roles and played off of each other beautifully. It was too bad that NBC did not give this show a bit more time to grow and find an audience, but at least this show has found its way onto DVD.
77th Miss America Pageant (1997)
How nice to have daddy work for the Miss America Pageant!!
Kate Shindle should be thankful that her daddy worked for the Miss America Pageant so that she could win this thing. She sure did not get it from her talent, which was "singing"?? She tried, and failed, to sing an updated version of "Don't Rain On My Parade". Her swimsuit?? Some ugly black and red two piece "bikini"? The bottom part of the suit looked like granny underwear. You know the type, big and boxy, not flattering to a woman's shape at all!! The best contestant was Michelle Warren of North Carolina, who ended up as first runner-up. I guess that is as high as a woman could get in this rigged pageant.I understand that Ms. Shindle is an actress in the theater now--bet I can tell you her most famous line......."Ticket please!" ha-ha. Michelle Warren, you were robbed of your rightful crown!!
The Magic Carpet (1951)
Lucy Ricardo, Perry Mason and Abner Kravitz all in one movie!!
Okay, this movie is a cheap Saturday matinée type film from the 1950's, but heck, that is all it is meant to be. It is one of those silly Arabian nights movies that is fun to watch. I wish it were released on DVD, as I would gladly buy it. As a child, I liked this movie when I saw in on television, and just recently saw it again and still like it. Runs in the family as those 1950 Universal Studio Tony Curtis "Son Of Ali Baba" type films and "Son Of Sinbad" with Vincent Price. These movies may not be great in any sense of the word, but they sure are fun to watch one right after the other when there is nothing else to do!! And besides, like my summary said, where else can you find a film that has Lucy Ricardo, Perry Mason and Abner Kravitz in it??
Shock, Part 2 (2001)
Basically the same as "Shock, Part 1"--see it only for Ryan Zane!!
This companion movie to "Shock, Part 1" is basically the same movie, just change a few of the actors, put them in different parts on a movie set and let them go at each other sexually. Personally, I don't know the names of ninety percent of the actors in this film, except for RYAN ZANE. But I had to wait close to 45 minutes for Ryan's scenes to appear in the movie. He is so HOT in this role. Wearing only a leather vest,black boots, jeans and underneath the jeans, a black jockstrap. Cool four-way with Ryan and three other guys and it is cool how his scenes ended, with Ryan ejaculating onto one of the other guy's backside and then licking off his own sperm. Another cool scene was the four-way that ended with one guy getting a beer enema. Also, there is a scene where a guy is sodomized with a very long flashlight, although for as much as he took up his rectum, they could have used a small flashlight. That could have a better scene if he actually had taken the longer flashlight more up his backside. But still, what sold this movie for me was the one and only Ryan Zane.
Dracula: The Series (1990)
I had to wait 15 years to see this show!!
This is a great series. I found it for a very reasonable price, around $16.00 dollars, and snapped it up quickly. I remember wanting to see this when it first came out in 1990, but none of the television stations in my area carried it. I never imagined that I would have to wait 15 years to see it!! Geordie Johnson was a very good Dracula, not over-the-top or flamboyant like some actors who have portrayed this role in the past. Mr. Johnson has a very good speaking voice. It really fit the part magnificently. The actors that portrayed the kids were, for a change, not obnoxious or overtly cutesy. Sometimes a kid can kill a good program or movie and thankfully, they did not in this show. I only wish that this series had been able to have a final wrap-up episode.
Lickity Split (2001)
Again, I only watched this for Ryan Zane!!
This film takes place in an ice cream parlor and Ryan Zane co-stars in this film as a customer in said shop, and more than just ice cream cones are being licked in this film!! It stars 10 gay porn actors as various customers, employees and a boss. The only sad part of the film is that it is entirely oral. The only good part to me is seeing Ryan Zane going at it like a starved animal. He is so good looking, only he should even out his sideburns. I don't care for the angled look that he has.The only "actor" that doesn't fit in is some guy called Tiger. He has overdone it with the tattoos. All up both sides of his body are these tiger stripes. I can see having a couple of tattoos, but up both sides of one's body?? Oh well, it is his body. I think this is the third film that Jackson Price and Ryan Zane have appeared together in, there was "Shock, Part 1", "Hazed" (which I hope to see in a few days!!) and this film.
Shock, Part 1 (2001)
I only like this for Ryan Zane!!
I only watched this to see Ryan Zane, as he is GORGEOUS!! He could have been a GQ model if he did not turn to porno. He doesn't appear until nearly 22 minutes into this movie and then after him and 5 other actors do their thing, he is not seen for the rest of the film!! What a rip-off!! But, at least he gets it in the end, so to speak!! I know that most porn films don't have a plot, and this one is one of them. Basically all it consists of are various scenes of men having sex with each other. Nothing wrong with that, but it gets to be old hat after awhile. There is also scenes of a man being sodomized by another man's fist, although I am not really a fan of that type of thing. This is a companion movie to "Shock, Part2". Ryan Zane is in that film also!!
Summer Reunion (1999)
This is an okay film. Not much of a plot line, but supposedly it is about six young college guys who meet every year at Dry Gulch Ranch and have a romantic fling. There is barely any nudity in this film, and it relies mainly on the romance of a relationship. Sort of like a very soft-core porn movie. What was a nuisance to me was the narration throughout the whole film!! Not once did we hear any of the five guys speak, only the narrator. We see the actors sitting around a campfire, chatting with one another, eating roasted marshmallows and getting all lovey-dovey with their prospective partners, but no words to hear--just that lousy narrator telling what was happening. The only reason I wanted to see this film was because of Randy Savino (Geoff Ashton). He is not a bad looking actor,but not the best actor, but then, what would one expect in a film like this?
Little Swee'pea (1936)
Who is Swee Pea's parents??
I never did understand in what relation was this baby to Popeye. Was he (it is a boy, is it not?), Olive Oyl's illegitimate kid? She seemed to hang around the docks a lot, she dated both Bluto and Popeye, heck, she could have dated (wink, wink) the whole 7th fleet for all we know!! But, I digress. This cartoon is a cute one about Popeye taking Swee Pea to the zoo. Swee Pea decides to climb out of his stroller and get inside various animal cages. Swee Pea gets inside the elephant, alligator, hippo cages and is seen riding the leopard out of the zoo before being caught by Popeye and delivered back to Olive Oyl.
But, this is a funny little cartoon from the Fleischer Studios.
Poopdeck Pappy (1940)
This is a funny little cartoon from the Fleischer Studios and I never knew that Popeye had a father before!! Well.......I mean, at least in his animated cartoons. This is the first cartoon that I have seen that had the Pappy character in it and he is hilarious in it. In fact, Pappy steals the cartoon from his more famous son, Popeye. Did Pappy get to be in any other cartoons?? I will have to search for them as I like him!! The cartoon is about Popeye trying to get his 99 year old father to go to bed and the old guy just ain't a-going!! Pappy out-tricks Popeye at every turn. I gotta tell ya, for a 99 year old man, Pappy sure does get around!! All the old guy wants to do is go out to a beer joint and have a dance or two with the gals. His first dance is funny, especially when he swings his partner at the end of the dance number. You gotta see it to believe it.
Find & Design (2004)
Cool little show
This program shows us how one can decorate an entire room without spending a lot of money on it. The program takes one family's room of their choice, mainly a dining room or a living room, and how to decorate it with items found from around the house, garage sale items, yard sale items and a little bit of imagination. Of course, it helps to live in the Los Angeles area, as I understand that they have a HUGE yard sale once every month at the place where they hold the Rose Bowl football game, so a person would surely find some good deals at a place that big!! But, all in all, it is a good show to get decorating ideas from.
The Nanny (1993)
I never watched this show when it was on network television--I don't really know why, but, as of this comment, it is on the Lifetime Network and that is where I watch the show. I initially thought I would watch one episode, then never watch it again. How wrong I was on that one!! Okay, that nasal voice of Fran Drescher may irritate some, but heck, it works for the character and besides, that is her real voice. The entire cast was great all throughout the series, except the oldest daughter. For some reason, her character was the worst of the lot.
Renee Taylor was especially funny, as it seemed Sylvia was always eating or thinking about food and Ann Morgan Guibert was superb as Yetta. It is hard to imagine that this is the same woman who was "Millie" on "The Dick Van Dyke Show"!! I read somewhere that this show was the 90's version of "I Love Lucy" and in a way, I can see the comparisons. Wish the powers that be would release this show on DVD.
What a night!!
This is one of the most memorable Grammy nights in history.
Bob Dylan wins the award for Best Male Rock Vocalist while Donna Summer wins the female award for "Hot Stuff" (one of the best songs EVER!!), but she loses the award for Best Disco Recording to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" (how in the heck this song won over Donna Summer's "Bad Girls" album is still a mystery to me).
But what made this a memorable evening was the unscheduled appearances of Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond coming out to sing "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"!! The fans in the audience screamed at various parts of the duet and when the song was over, I never heard such applause at an award show before!! Too bad that Streisand and Diamond lost the Pop Duo Award to the Doobie Brothers.
Treasury Men in Action (1950)
Not a bad show.
I recently bought a DVD with 3 full length episodes of television detective series on it and this program was one of the three programs. The other two were "Dick Tracy" and "Mark Saber".
This is a very enjoyable program, and very action packed for a 30 minute one. From what I understand about this program is that it is based on actual cases from the files of the US Treasury Department. The episode I saw was called "Case of the Shot in the Dark" with a very young Charles Bronson. This episode dealt with heroin smuggling and was a good one.
I had never heard of this series before and to think that I only got this for $1.00 at a store that sells everything for $1.00.
Too bad that they don't put the complete series out on DVD, as I would love to purchase more of these old 1950's shows.