Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Horror Humor at it's best!
There are those that would state that this movie blows the almighty cocktosen. I, however, disagree. This film, I found, was quite cleverly scripted and extraordinarily filmed. Plus, it made me laugh until I lost all bowel control. All actors and actresses each delivered a powerhouse performance, except for one near the beginning which I found quite amateur; the mother at the beginning of the film seemed as if she had just started acting classes. However Michael Harris's performance as the Sandman unfortunately doesn't recieve the credit that it was due. I mean, I TOTALLY believed he was the Sandman. He had the sand, he had the lips, he was doing all that creepy-ass lullabye sh!t...he was F@!#ING AWESOME!!! And that preacher dude was WACK! He had those evil f!@#ing eyes and that cross that turned into a knife! I mean, where do they come up with this awesome sh!t! My favorite part of the film was when the Preacher looked at that cop and said "Look at my eyes, mutha-f**ker!" I totally didn't sleep after he said that. Did you?!?!
Once I read Shakespeare, and he forewarned about wickedness being avenged. This was a perfect forlorn aspect of that. In Hamlet, Claudius is avenged by Hamlet for his father's death. This film credibly implements that element of vice being retributed. Don't you think?
I mean, check it out, Michael Harris just, like, goes around killing people. What's that about??? That's like totally awesome!
Go see this movie, you won't regret it. It's probably something you will remember to the grave.
SLEEP, BABY, SLEEP!! That sh*t kept me up all night!!!!
Judge Dredd (1995)
Pretty good flick!
It was decent. It had action, Rob Schneider, and a decent plot. But a few things bugged me which ruined the film.
The microphone on the back of the neck of the man who runs Geiger's Bazaar disappears and reappears.
When Judge Dredd is undercover as a judge, a young judge runs up and pulls off Dredd's helmet and says, "Dredd! I knew it was you," but his lips are not moving.
When Dredd and Fergie are on the law master escaping the guards, fergie makes a remark about washing the seat of the vehicle. Dredd responds with, "Eeewww," but his lips are not moving.
When Dredd says his final line to Rico - "Court is adjourned" - his lips say something else.
If they fixed these things, I might have given it a 9. But instead I gave it a 5.
3 Ninjas (1992)
The greatest characters ever made
This movie inspired me to write movies. After I saw this film, all other "GREAT" films were dwarfed drastically in comparison. I mean, how often do you come up with a character as great as Tum-Tum? That kid was eating ALL the TIME! His grandpa tried to stop him, but he couldn't because he's Tum-Tum. And all the other kids had dumb names that I can't even bother to remember. Plus those surfer dudes that tried to kick the crap out of those kids, but ended up getting the crap kicked outta them, they were super-cool! I especially loved the part where the three ninjas went into their kitchen and got all MacGyver and sh*t and made some awesome pepper bombs and threw it at the surfers which blew the surfers' minds. And then that one guy got diarrhea, and the other guys were getting CDs thrown at them like ninja stars, and there was so much cool stuff in this movie, it would take me forever to recount it all. But the best part all in all was when the old Chinese grandpa got in his ninja outfit and went to the tanker to go kick some butt.
My only complaint was the fact that the kids bore no resemblance to their obviously Asian-American grandfather. I mean, I like Chinese people just as much as the next person, but really do you expect me to believe that this guy is blood-related to three Caucasian pre-teen children? I don't think so! So, do yourself a favor, and watch this movie! Bonzai!!
"GET TO THE CHOPPER!"
This movie, one word: ART NEUVEU! It was a DELIGHT! If I had to choose between dining in heaven with the almighty Christ, or watching this movie continuously throughout eternity, that-would-be-it. Schwarzenegger, unlike most grand thespians, portrays a hero, whose reputation is scathed by the kidnapping of his most preciously delectible treasure in his life: his daughter. Stupendous!
If they gave out awards for the most immaculate theatrical poster, "Commando" would achieve the accolade hands down. Schwarzenegger's muscles on the cover would put any evil-doer at ill ease, and possibly a catatonic state.
Truly this movie is a bright shining light from heaven on high. It portrays the heroes sensitive side along with his aggressiveness. In the beginning, we see a man playing tickle with his daughter. Never has an action hero shown such playfulness. And then in the latter of the film, we are gifted with many gratuitous scenes of human beings being needlessly slain in a horribly graphic way.
But what touched me the most was Schwarzenegger's ever chivalrous smile. And that chivalry extended to his intimidating yet moral physique. I am especially touched by the choice Schwarzenegger made when he decided to disarm himself in order to defeat the final foe. Never has true heroism been summed up in a scene. Never has such cinematic genius graced my eyes before me. I've never seen a hero plunge himself into danger in order to earn the respect of his daughter. And henceforth I always nearly lose all bowel control whenever he screams the words "Get to the chopper."
Schwarzenegger, may you grace the annals of cinematic fame.
American Ninja (1985)
Damn, that was a good film!
When my friend told me to go see this movie, I said to myself "This is probably the worst film that was ever made!" Mark my words, this is probably one of the finest movies put on celluloid. Did you see that dude that played the good guy? Michael Dudikoff? That guy was awesome. I remember the part where the bad guy pointed a gun at him and Dudikoff just started running away, and the bad guy kept shooting at him trying to hit him. But Michael Dudikoff is thinking "You can't hit me, I'm invincible!" That guy couldn't hit Michael Dudikoff because Dudikoff was just super fast. Like a ninja. Hence American Ninja. The only thing I didn't think was right was why did they have a Russian actor playing an American Ninja? If they wanted to keep him, they should have renamed the film "Russian Ninja." That would have made more sense.