Otkon's Reviews

Dark City - The Cleaner (2024– )

6/10

Yeah, it's blundering, hapless Kiwi Dexter meets Harley Quinn.

30 March 2024

Warning: Spoilers

And my main issue is that this particular New Zealand city and its residents seem to have zero security cameras. That alone would render a lot of their shenanigans null and void. Plus, he did chuck that beer bottle that he drank from at Laura's friend. His DNA would have been on it.

Also a lot of it is played for chuckles. Especially his dreadful mum stuff. And all the misfortune that befalls him. It's entertaining if you turn your brain off.

Don't think too much about how just as incompetent the police are by also only have CCTV in their interrogation rooms as opposed to every square millimeter of their station.

Also, "Melissa" and Joe's motivations seem all over the place. Does Joe like cats or not? Why does he kill? If he has no issue with the type of person his father was, why kill him and not hate that segment of the population? And she lied about everything so you can't really trust anything about her.

That's my review.

Oh, there are flies.

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3 Body Problem (2024)

6/10

It's definitely entertaining.

26 March 2024

Warning: Spoilers

But I have questions.

The first revolves around the main conceit of the narrative. Why are the aliens worried about humans outpacing them regarding technology over the next 400 years?

The San-Ti are supposedly a race that has mastered faster-than-life travel for their multi-dimensional omniscient proton-sized supercomputers that can unfold to cover the entirely of the atmosphere and surface of Earth with blanket omniscient surveillance.

I think the plot is giving humans way more credit for their industrial advancements than what is actually capable even by current exponential projections on improvements in science over the time frame needed here.

I am just not buying that we are a threat to an alien population that has conquered hard and fast rules of physics. Unless the San-Ti are exceptionally dumb and can be killed by the common cold or something as simple as water. I mean that would just be outright goofy sci-fi of them to invade if that were the case.

Also, who was the awful casting person in charge of giving Alex Sharp a role in this show? He is downright terrible. There is nothing about his character that I liked seeing, hearing, experiencing in any way.

I think it is a good show with lots of good ideas. I just have issues with its overall internal logic and premise (and that one actor). I would hate to think B&B are making things up as they go along. That didn't work so well in that dragony, gamey, throney project they ruined not too long ago.

I will keep watching this show to see if things are eventually explained. Also, please don't resurrect Dowling with the same actor, San-Ti. You don't deserve Earth if you do.

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Stopmotion (2023)

3/10

It's like they edited all those Tool music videos together....

18 March 2024

...then crammed a student film plot into the underside of it.

Right from the beginning, the mother was a main issue for me. If I had a book of cliched, overbearing maternal figure types, it would show this women. So she was immediately pegged with an eye-rolling "oh, how arch." Next.

The "neighbor" brat. Yep. Stock character number two enters the picture. Yes, yes, yes, I get who she was supposed to represent. The film is nowhere near the mysterious Lynchian masterpiece it thinks it is. But this child actor was just agonizing to watch and listen to. So it wasn't even satisfying when the scene that rectified this character turned into another cliche. I physically yawn and hit the fast forward on the video at this point.

Once a film hits the "is anything real or not?" without earning it, I am gone. It just becomes weird for the sake of weird. And that is why this comes across as a superficial student film.

It would have played better as a silent film and it really needs to apologize to Adam Jones.

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Imaginary (2024)

3/10

Why is a killer teddy bear movie so hard to get right?

10 March 2024

From the start, this movie is off. I don't like a single character. None of their motivations seems true. I don't buy Jessica as a children's book author and illustrator. I can't stand the two girls and their overacting. The creepy neighbor boy. Why is there even a Dad? And why is he British when that actor was in a failed TV FOX show with a passable American accent? And Mrs Bradford next-door was stupid.

The rest of the movie is corny. The artist lady is in sun dresses and flats throughout the runtime. Outfits that are not at all conducive to fighting supernatural baddies. But I mean the entire movie is predictable from start to finish.

Yeah, it's pretty much garbage.

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The Third Saturday in October Part V (2022)

5/10

Curse you, statewide pepperoni shortage!

9 March 2024

It's definitely better than the original and that's saying much. Wait, is "saying much" a thing? Well, if it is, that is what I am saying.

For a sequel it plays up the humor and less of the homage of the first one. And speaking of that, those films are listed in reverse order here with The Third Saturday in October Part V (2022) being the original and The Third Saturday in October (2022) being the sequel.

But I think for continuity and thematic purposes, The Third Saturday in October (2022) is the first movie. And The Third Saturday in the October Part V (2022) is the only extant sequel. The Third Saturday in October Part II, The Third Saturday in October Part III and The Third Saturday in October Part IV are all explained as being lost. So perhaps, when those recreations are found and released they can be ranked in comparison to the two films in the series that are viewable in regard to their intentionally questionable qualities.

I did find the bed foot guy the best part of this movie. That was fun.

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The Third Saturday in October (2022)

4/10

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.

9 March 2024

So straight Joe Fryer, a sad Sheri Moon Zombie wannabe, discount Tituss Burgess, Jennifer Hud-clone, Astronaut Alan Hale Jr, someone who might actually have Chris Elliot and others make a silly horror movie set during a semi-fictional (but equally silly) college rivalry game.

Surprisingly it captures the 70s grindy-housy exploitation feel quite competently.

It's intentionally campy with groovy, jive-talking characters. There is a green shag carpet at one point.

Well, if you like Dr. Pepper knock-offs with a side of free kittens, you'll get what I am trying to say here by saying what I am saying.

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In from the Side (2022)

7/10

Slow but pretty. Like its subjects.

7 March 2024

It is beautifully shot for sure. Definitely shades of Andrew Haigh throughout. And it takes its time with the wispy scenes of pensive men contemplating the before and after of their romantic meetings. So in that regard it is a bit like a Douglas Sirk movie.

Oh, also loads of muddy, hairy, beefy bodies grappling like a Greek legion for field dominance. There are club neckties for sure. I liked those parts. Mom was a hoot too.

But the ancillary characters can be quite simple and their plot purpose easily discernible very early in the narrative. That's the villain. That's the comic relief. That's the gay best friend. Well, maybe not that last one. Considering.

I didn't hate it despite the ending making me very mad. What I do like about it is the juxtaposition of the masculinity of sport with the fragility of the man emotions of the two leads.

So yeah.

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The Similars (2015)

4/10

I tried.

2 March 2024

I tried so hard to watch this over the years. I tried in the old living room. I tried in the new computer room. I tried on the laptop. I tried on desktop. I tried in the summer. Outside. Twice.

I finally sat down today and said to myself in a serious voice, "you have had this movie for how many years now? Just get through."

But it's just not doable. First of all, it looks like phony. The opening rain clearly is fake over another shot of the station that also looks fake. In fact, the whole movie looks like it is computer-generated sets like Sin City, only fuzzy in a bad retro kinda way.

I just can't get past it no matter how many attempts.

So I fast forwarded through it. People started to look similar then it ended. Maybe it was some political statement about 1960's Mexico or something.

My experience with it is negative.

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Higanjima: Escape from Vampire Island (2009)

5/10

Standard manga adaptation.

2 March 2024

If that particular thing is your thing, you will rate it higher.

If it is not, you will be underwhelmed as it caters to the tropes and conventions of Japanese comic books.

I found the villain outright ridiculous in a laughably bad way. Too many of the other characters are irritating too - just slightly less so. Like the whiny kid in the letterman jacket and the other two who seemed to find plenty of hair product while playing Japanese Undead Survivor.

Oh, and I wasn't impressed by the CGI either.

Even the action seemed mostly dull.

Also things are left unexplained. Like why the big guy was sometimes chained up in the village of the resistance.

I did like the heavy metal score though. And forklift lady.

It took me several years to finally clear this off my playlist. It was that little of a priority to watch. Finishing it just proved so.

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Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

6/10

Holy 80s overload, Tim Burton's Batman.

2 March 2024

This is like if Edward Scissorhands met Thackery Binx from Hocus Pocus and John Hughes delivered their TerrorVision-palette baby under the bleachers at Westerberg High .

First of all, the lead actress is intentionally channeling Canadian horror scream queen Katharine Isabelle from moment one. And I down with that. Then when she dresses like every tween girl from my junior high in her black lace Madonna garb. And I was right back in the basement cafeteria of my own middle school. For sure.

But that might be the problem with the movie. It is entirely homage and pastiche. Which I get.

Unfortunately, it has like 5 backstories that it calls a narrative but mostly abandons. And the film stands mostly as a series of ideas that are cool on their own. I guess I will take that because the pieces were evocative from a personally historical viewpoint.

I just kinda wish the overall movie gelled with all the nifty bits.

Tanning beds forever. Totally.

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Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023)

4/10

Gave me a headache.

2 March 2024

And I guess it's about the woods. Therefore there is minuscule relevance for cheaply robbing its title from the Robert Frost poem.

But there is nothing "lovely" about this movie. It goes for obscure and abstract very early by setting up that the main character might have mental issues. The movie then relies on this exposition to fiddle with what may or may not be real - with lots of trippy visuals and altered audio. And that is the part that will induce vein-throbbing in people who hate this type of cheap plot convention in their horror-based cinema. If I want to watch Fear and Loathing, I'll watch Fear and Loathing.

Also, it purports to be set in the National Park system of the United States of America but has a 100% European feel to it. I don't like pointless deception.

The reveal of what might be going on is a ho-hum snore of any number of lesser X-Files twists . So no, it's not every "deep".

Overall, the movie is more annoying than entertaining. But there are a few scenes at night. I guess that partially justifies the "dark" aspect.

The uniforms and the duct-taped ranger sign things were okay. Otherwise, no.

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Dune: Part Two (2024)

8/10

It's really good. But not convinced by some of the cast.

29 February 2024

I couldn't see Christopher Walken as embodying a character in this. I only saw Christopher Walken as Christopher Walken.

And I might be the only person on Earth who finds Florence Pugh to be the epitome and definition of BLAND. They could have hired someone they found walking at a random mall to play Irulan.

Also the movie feels like an episode more than the conclusion of a two-part movie. I can only assume that is to set up a continuation of the Dune novels. So if the pacing and climax and ending all feel wonky to you, that is the best explanation I can give to you in your time of cinematic need.

Otherwise, the film is entertaining for its length. Lots of good cinematography, music, etc.

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History of Evil (2024)

4/10

Didn't need that final speech.

24 February 2024

Anyone paying any sort of attention would have gotten the message without it. But with it, the film ends on a heavy-handed, overwrought, redundant and corny note.

Other than that, it is fairly obvious metaphor horror destined to rile those who empathize with the BBEG here.

The Vampire Diaries guy is okay. The mixing of techno-future dystopia and ghosty past is kinda cool. There is a matte-finish black truck with people riding in it. And a commercial for white sugar. I did notice that several of the supports for the wrap-around porch of the house were in need of repair. Seemed kinda like a safety hazard - all things considered.

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Madame Web (2024)

3/10

What a letdown.

23 February 2024

Because it wasn't nearly as campy and inept as everyone is making it out to be. Oh, it's still bad but in a super-dull and exceedingly pointless fashion. I was hoping for Corman's Fantastic Four-levels of corniness and it was just Dakota Johnson mumble-coring and dead-eying her way through meandering scene after scene that had no tension or sense.

The whole movie felt like an unaired pilot for a Saturday morning kids' show called Spider Teens Stupid Force. And sadly, the most interesting part was the flashforward stuff with the kids - which is what should have been the real movie. Not EMT call after EMT call after baby shower with Adam Scott. He was bizarrely effective in a straight guy role - very caring and involving while Dakota Johnson was dreaming of Cabo or finally inheriting grandma's big cat rescue or all those Miami Vice residuals from dad.

But she looks that disinterested in everything she has ever done, so I guess she was a paramedic.

Anyway, it's just boring. I mean, scenes happen. Over and over. Literally. Because of her arachnid powers to endure bad screenwriting? I guess. And that stuff got really old. Quickly. We got it the first twelve times. Too bad it took her way longer to understand what was going on. Yeah, she's that dim.

The villain guy was dumb and smarmy. The ending was dragged out and the denouement was setting up a sequel or show that will thankfully never happen. So yay?

But shoot. I was hoping for Birdemic cheesiness. And I got Raimi's Spiderman 3 stupidity.

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Gods of the Deep (2023)

4/10

Clods of the Deep.

21 February 2024

A bumbling group of international goofballs dive to the bottom of the ocean in a corrugated tool shed held together with caution tape.

Yeah, this exists.

I don't think it is a parody but that it was actually made in complete earnest Roger Corman-style. So it has a bit of heart as a labor of love. A Lovecraftian labor at that.

And while the sets are very cheesy, the camera work (especially the lighting), the sound and the editing are all actually pretty professional. And most of the cast seems to have attended at least an acting class or two.

But the budget is infinitesimal. Distractingly so.

There is a plot. Of sorts.

Well, at least Tim and Joe are watchable.

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Mean Girls (2024)

5/10

Sigh. They Degrassied it.

21 February 2024

So it's like polite and seems slightly foreign while also paling in comparison to the stage version.

I don't like the changes. The new songs are not good. And removing gems like "Whose House" was a huge mistake. But moreover, the staging of the numbers just lacks the dynamic impact of Broadway productions. The mix of the songs is very subdued and weak - when everything needed to go big.

I really don't like most of the cast. Cady actress was hiring solely on her resemblance to Amy Adams who they couldn't get so they had to settle on Jenna Fischer. Busy Philips was an annoying cliche. I really wasn't feeling the Aaron or Damian people either. I guess the Plastics were passable. And Janice. I don't know.

I really wish maybe it was just a filmed recreation of the musical like the Hamilton dealie.

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Vindicta (2023)

4/10

Oh, it's dumb. And trying really hard to be Seven. And twelve thousand other movies.

18 February 2024

The movie in general, and the ending specifically, are beyond stupid. But I like what happened to Jeremy Piven. That was nice.

Plus watching Travis Nelson in a suit for an hour and a half is a good use of anyone's time.

There isn't much more to say. It comes across as a C-story plotline in a WB spinoff of a spinoff of a spinoff of a DC television program. As if they scrapped the bottom of the barrel of comic characters and added dumb cops.

Think Catwoman's cousin's hairdresser's cop brother moves to Seattle and finds all the worst type of overly elaborate serial killers with goofy MOs. Then a Serbian AI bot farm wrote the script.

Yeah. Costumes were viewable though.

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Somewhere Quiet (2023)

7/10

It leaves a lot of things unanswered. And I don't mind that.

4 February 2024

It's a rather simple story along the lines of Gaslight. Or is it? Mwah-hahaha. You'll get the idea. And then again you won't because there are so many little things that are just left unexplained.

Like the whole cousins thing. And the fishing dude. And the roadkill. The bed lady. Who dun the thing that caused the issue to begins with? Why was the dog named Minnow? The game of Charades and the dinnerware connection. And pretty much everything. To the point where you won't know up from down.

But I suppose that is the point.

Of course the entire time you will be looking at the lead actoring guy (whose fake real world name is Kentucker Audley - yes, he's a pretentious mumblecore filmmaker) and you will be thinking "hey, that's not Logan Marshall Green - who is also not Tom Hardy".

And now this was something somewhat different that has been watched by me.

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Possum (2018)

4/10

There is something wrong with the people who made this.

4 February 2024

And not in a good way. It's just off. For being only 83 minutes, it is one of the interminably slowest movies I have ever fast-forwarded through. I supposed that is because there are not a lot of ideas present in the narrative. Just scene after scene of Sean Harris staggering around both quickly and aimlessly like he's full but doesn't know how to find the nearest facilities.

Every second of Maurice on screen is painful. And I do mean every...miserable...second. Just dire filth that house was.

The whole movie played like a wannabe Tool video without the prog math metal score. There were some ear-shattering sine waves throughout the audio though. For those of us with tinnitus, that added to the joy lacking here. I guess there was a resolution to the thin plot structure.

The puppet stuff could have been more and completely cut. But the amount in the movie is not correct. It just didn't work.

Well, I've watched it.

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Bones: The Nail in the Coffin (2014)

Season 9, Episode 22

8/10

Pretty decent episode but not the purpose of this review.

27 January 2024

I must remark about the vocal quality of one ancillary cast member of this episode. And that praise goes to a gentleman named Sterling Macer, Jr. He plays Deputy Director Victor Stark of the Washington DC-based governmental agency called the Federal Bureau of Investigation, commonly referred to as the FBI in familiar parlance. Mr. Macer, Jr. Will go on to play this same role three more times.

But it is the tonal characteristics of his voice that are of greater interest to me. While experiencing this episode with my back turned to the television set, I immediately noticed certain similar attributes to the speech of the late, great Lance Reddick - enough to think that when I turned around to view the actor producing such words, I would view Mr. Reddick himself.

While Mr. Reddick can never be replaced, Mr. Macer, Jr. Could take up the mantle of Mr. Reddick's smoky and seductive style. Perhaps in the form of Awoken Commander Zavala.

Oh, and fingernails.....gross.

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30 Coins (2020– )

7/10

Season 1 was fun. Season 2 was just insane.

26 January 2024

Like they removed all sense of restraint and often logic to make everything just ramped up to eleventy trillion. Don't try to think too hard and figure things out. Just enjoy the side quests and the seemingly aimless nonsense for what they are.

So here goes a massive ramble about Season 2 but that is how the show went.

Paco is still mostly an ineffectual milquetoast. But so easy on the eyes. I mean, come on. Merche is wickedly dreadful cranked up. Paul Giamatti - oh boy. I am not entirely sure why he is in this. I am assuming a huge paycheck. Every one of his scenes is over the top. The scenes in the underworld are like a Lady Gaga version of Cruising. What was the Holy Death?!?! And the arachnid thing - inside of one thing with another inside thingy inside. And the goofy village surgeon - that was like half an episode. Oh, and the pope's stick of blood. Can't forget the deliciously-shaped petroglyph auction deal. Oh, and drone part was cool. I am not complaining at all. Putting Paco in a suit in the season 2 finale was quite a bold but pleasant touch. However, they NEVER explained the blue. That entire episode was just bat-stuff lunacy.

Bring on Season 3.

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Landscape with Invisible Hand (2023)

6/10

It's watchable for its weirdness.

15 January 2024

But what it has to say about voyeuristic consumerism, evolving labor markets, art appreciation and intergalactic utopian caste structures is thoroughly tired.

Yeah, the film's quirky. I will give it that. It's just that Tiffany Haddish has absolutely zero appeal for me. And the kid's eyelashes are massively distracting. Nor did I like the blonde teen because she is the epitome of the rampant social media type that I simply can't stomach.

I did like the wig.

The entire film comes off as the light beer version of a Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett affair. But it is not completely horrible. Just miscast and lacking in a certain something.

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Where the Devil Roams (2023)

7/10

The Adams Family are back with their homespun brand of magical realism.

13 January 2024

And this one is out there. In my best estimate, it is as though they have pureed Alejandro Jodorowsky's Santa Sangre with Arthur Penn's Bonnie and Clyde and distilled that into a feature-long Dresden Dolls music video.

Set during the Great Depression, it's a tale of ukeleles, dronecore, baby shoes, shell shock and side-show extremity regeneration. As with most of their previous offerings, the Adamses have done a lot of lore and world-crafting but leave a good deal of it unexplained. Weird things just happen in their films as if all is normal.

And I am totally fine with that.

They are making films they want to make - which is admirable in its own right.

Is it shot on a budget? Sure.

Is the acting oddly stilted? Absolutely.

But that is the charm. Like John Waters carefree guerilla cinema style. They're just making quirky horror in upstate NY with anachronistic scoring with no fear of taking things in odd directions. And that is what makes their movies interesting and different.

This one maintains that trend.

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Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (2023– )

7/10

It's a TV show, people. It can't be 450 minutes of CGI kaiju duking it out.

12 January 2024

So there are definitely some lengthy bits of human-y stuff. Lots of split, mixed and found family drama in the midst of things. But it does do a very good job of filling in the founding and purposes of Monarch. And it even does better with fleshing out Godzilla and his motivations. The lore is well-thought out.

Things that are inexplicably out-of-the-ordinary like Shaw's age and all of May's backstory eventually will make sense. And trust Me I was not at all interested in May as a character but she did serve as a means to an end with season cliffhanger.

I must say that my favorite character is Tim. He's the tenacious but bumbling heart of the series. And his relentless desire to figure out Godzilla is what drives a good chunk of the narrative.

If you are looking for mindless monster fights, this isn't it. But it is a good compendium to the films.

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Nefarious (2023)

2/10

Thousands of glowing boilerplate reviews should be your first red flag.

9 January 2024

Glenn Beck as himself should be the second.

Grade school-level theology. Community theater-level overacting. Pandering on all levels.

This is the opposite of honest art.

Like the impetus behind it, it is a lot of blustering talk. It's hardly CS Lewis. And he wrote terrible things.

Nor is it even Primal Fear. Now, that's a movie. What with its cast including Edward Norton, Richard Gere, Laura Linney, Andre Braugher, Frances McDormand, Maura Tierney, John Mahoney, Alfre Woodard, Terry O'Quinn, Joe Spano, Kenneth Tigar, Lester Holt.

This movie has "Powder". (And Glenn Wretch)

Wait a minute.... Lester Holt was in Primal Fear?!?! Now I really want to go wash the stink of this movie off by going and watching Primal Fear. Oh, and Wes Craven's Shocker...that's a fun one.

I suppose its irrational plot would be its greatest appeal to the target audience.

Oh well, the commissary has an extra double cheese burger and a chocolate milk shake now.

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