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I Sell the Dead (2008)
Creepy, Funny and Entertaining
It is so refreshing to see a movie like this with actual mood and personality instead of just a bunch of CGI cartoon gimmicks. This is a great horror-spoof that has genuine chills along side some really great sets and performances. Its laughs are subtle, but plentiful. Because there is very little if any CGI, there is no need to violently shake the camera around to hide the crappy effects. This makes the movie immensely watchable compared to the other camera-man-must-be-sh%#@ing-his-pants films of this genre that have come out in the last decade or so.
Far more enjoyable than the big-budget re-made garbage being released by Hollywood today.
The Boondock Saints (1999)
A storyline leaky enough to wreck your TV
A homo-erotic mess that trips over its own britches right from the starting gate. This film was made in some kind of hermetically sealed Hollywood logic-free zone. If you just want to get drunk and watch people get shot, it does the trick--even delivering a few laughs in the process, but don't expect it to make any sense at all. It has a plot as thin as onion soup, and a menagerie of totally detestable, and thoroughly brain-dead characters, who just kind of wander around like a murderous Beavis and Butthead while the law, lead by DeFoe the prancing meat-head detective (whom we are expected to look upon as some sort of genius) and his minions of even bigger meat-head cops, pursue said troublemakers despite the fact that the killers already turned themselves in for some unknown reason, and were released by the meat-heads. . .WHAT? I guess they had to kill some time to prevent this plot less wonder from being 48 minutes long.
Mega-TRD. Do not rent.
An American Haunting (2005)
A nice reprieve from splatter fest torture horror.
I found it somewhat refreshing to see more of a classic approach to horror. While it wasn't among the best movies made, I appreciated its restrained use of computer animation, and gratuitous gore, and the quality of its cast and set. With all the lame re-makes in recent years, I don't see why this film is getting such a bad rap. Some were mad because it didn't follow the true story perfectly, but it was closer than most "true" horror stores such as Amityville horror; and the actual story would make a pretty boring and confusing movie if told accurately. With movies like "The Hills Have Eyes", "Hostel" and "The Fog" stinking up the screen these days it's hard to justify slamming this movie to hard. By horror movie standards it was a pretty decent film.
The New World (2005)
A two hour long calender photo
The cinematography was as sumptuous and panoramic as Q'Oranka Kilchar's upper lip, but the rest of the movie twists in the stream with a snapped ruder from about thirty minutes in, till nearly the end. Leaving the moviegoer more focused on how uncomfortable the seating is than what might be happening on the screen. To make matters worse we are constantly bombarded with the same few bars of Mozarts piano concerto no. 23--over and over and over until even the purest classical music buff cries "enough!" The secret might be to burn a fattie before going. Pot smokers will undoubtedly dig the films dreaminess and groovy vibe, but for those of us whose minds are mostly addled by the constant dirge of sobriety the length and lack of direction of this film will be a constant effrontery.
Oh, by the way. Why is it that Hollywood thinks we won't sympathize properly with Indians unless they are made to look like unusually tan Nordic Gym models.I felt like I was watching a commercial for Victoria Secret's new Buckskin Editions. Historical photos from the 1800's just don't seem to support evidence of particularly Athenian statures or the presence of Revlon products in Americas original native peoples. Why do we still need to be BS'd? Can't they just tell a story honestly without apotheosizing and demonizing with aesthetics? They have no problem making the Europeans look ugly.
Just a thought.
Dead End Road (2004)
Don't believe the reviews on the box. . .This movie is junk
Shot on video garbage with all the quality of a Wal-Mart training video. I'm not buying the whole "Indie films have to use cheap actors to keep costs down" line. If they kept the costs down so low why did Blockbuster charge me five bucks to rent the stupid thing. I knew that I had been riped off within five seconds of hitting 'Play'. This is not an "Indie" film. It is a blatant rip off that approaches the criminal realm. They might as well have put a blank disk in the box and called that a movie.
If your idea of horror is getting separated from a five dollar bill and receiving nothing in return, I'm sure blockbuster still has some on the shelf. I'm driving down there today to get my money back.
If they paid me five dollars to watch it, it would still be a rip off.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Lameness has a new name. . .
There's something innately irritating about a horror film where the protagonists have guns at their disposal, but can't hit a radioactive mutant from ten feet away. In this movie it's so blatant that it actually smacks of a PC liberal Hollywood anti-gun message . . .Am I the only one who dosn't want a lecture on social reform from a B-rate gore-flick? In this particular gem, the people with guns manage to kill exactly '0'radioactive mine mutants while the anti-gun PC Hollywood liberal mows them down by the dozens with an ax, a screwdriver and a dog. (the screwdriver scene is stolen from Tarantino's 'True Romance', just in case the films makers thought no one noticed). You may want to rent it just to see the stupidest scene ever put in a movie (here's the spoiler) towards the end, one of the gun-toting protagonists becomes riled because a cannibal mutant has stolen his mother corpse from his vehicle. In a fit of blind rage he follows the bloody footprints to a well lit open area where he finds the alleged offender feasting on his mamma in broad daylight. (keep in mind that the mutants are just ugly humans; if shot they will die.) The mutant charges the lad, and he turns and runs away, spraying the canyon walls with bullets as he does so--you see,he does not want to shoot the mutant, because he is leading it into a super sneaky explodee trap instead, and shooting it would spoil the trap. . .clever huh? He leads it back to the trailer which his sister has already filled with propane gas. They rig the door with some strike-anywhere matches and wait for the mutant to stick his arms through the window which they quickly bind to the trailer utilizing a bungee cord. They then escape out a window. The mutant frees himself and then decides to use the front door, which blows up the trailer.
I'm not kidding, this scene is actually in the movie.
We can all learn from this. If being chased in the middle of nowhere by a cannibal mutant, don't shoot it! instead lead it to your only source of shelter and blow it up.
Oh, and there's a crying baby in it. . .I guess they figured the thing didn't stink bad enough already.
Anyone who liked this desert-loaf needs to remove their crash helmet and have their head examined.
Bye Bye Love (1995)
Film about why never to data a parent.
Not a horrible film, but no real moments of genius either. Sickeningly domestic, saccharine Hollywood puppet-show that might be entertaining to goody-two-shooed fluoride-poisoned Homonis-Domesticus "Outraged Fathers" and "Mad-Mothers" but, to the rest of us, will reek of suburban-ticket-sale-pandering.
Still, the script was decent, and the acting was fairly solid. It was better than most movies of it's kind and I must shamefully confess to having laughed a few times. Overall, it was a good movie with a good script and good actors; it's just a shame it was centered about such pedestrian and urbane material.