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7/10
Familia
3 December 2020
If I had to pick one word to sum up this series, it would be that. Familia. Mi familia (in italics). (And again, this time in bold and italics:) mi familia.

Familia is about more than just gathering around the hearth and eating scotch eggs together on Christmas Eve. It's about driving your cars too fast, everybody's cars. And that's what this movie does--it drives the car that is my heart, and it drives it fast, and it drives it well.

So pull up a bean bag chair. Pour a glass of warm vermouth. Toast to life. Familia.
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TaleSpin (1990–1991)
Takes Me Back
29 June 2020
My pal Rodney and I were standing in his backyard one day. "You see that gazebo over there?" he said, pointing at his gazebo. "That gazebo doubles as an excellent ham smoker. Heck, ever since I got that gazebo, I've probably smoked 47 or 48 hams in there. And some other meats. What makes that gazebo such an excellent smoker is that it's open to the wind. Which makes it perfect for smoking ham, because you got all that air coming in, all that oxygen. And the smoke is always escaping, which is perfect for the ham. See, you don't want all that smoke to just pool in one place. It's gotta have somewhere to go. Yup. Pretty darn good place to smoke hams. That gazebo." "Oh, wow," I said.
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The Test: The Porn Test (2001)
Season Unknown, Episode Unknown
Baskin and Robbins
23 June 2020
Lick the pine in a log cabin. "Clarisse". The voice comes from the corner of the womb. "Clarisse". The voice causes Lactade to pour from the fungus of a god. A hoof busts through the roof. Someone in Pennsylvania wakes up having a minor heart attack. Due to a severe storm, the phone lines are out. What should have been minor becomes major.
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The Test: The Michael Jordan Episode (2001)
Season Unknown, Episode Unknown
Pickled jockstrap
23 June 2020
Saw a couple aphids gettin' grimy out in the pasture. Reminded me of my wife. The ole ball and chain. The ole hammer and sickle. The ole cocaine and baby laxative. Made me think about deuce-worn flies in the heat of a Midwest summer.
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The Test: The Matrimony Test (2001)
Season Unknown, Episode Unknown
Shadow-produced by Tom Steyer
23 June 2020
The cast, the crew, the humans-- everyone did a great job for this episode. Heath Blanchard had a particularly great performance as the one and only Kurt Stryker Mays. The whole episode made me want to bloody the cobblestones with my headjuice.
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7/10
A Heart-Scrunching Performance
22 June 2020
This is probably one of the most fishing movies I've ever seen. The main character and his brother are brought together by fishing. The movie (motion picture) is set in Montana.
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Downton Abbey (2019)
7/10
Skidoosh
20 June 2020
This caps off the series nicely in an unnecessary sort of way. The ole dang gosh darn king is coming for a visit, and for some dang darn ole reason everyone gives a hoot. They shoulda just not cared that the king was coming. In fact they shoulda told the ole gosh darn dang ole king not to come at all.
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The Test: The Love vs. Money Test (2001)
Season Unknown, Episode Unknown
Man Sticking Head Out of Truck
18 May 2020
In the background of one scene, one can see Kublyshenko's famous painting "Man Sticking Head Out of Truck" hung up on a wall in Karsten's casa. I was wondering: Did they use the real painting (through lease with a museum) for this scene, or is it merely a facsimile? Thank you.
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The Test: The Libido Test (2001)
Season Unknown, Episode Unknown
Saw this on google chrome
18 May 2020
They have a movie player now. You just have to click "play" on the play button. I was surprised at what Roscoe did in regards to Howard within this episode.
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The Test: The Grudge Test (2001)
Season Unknown, Episode Unknown
The Living Human
9 May 2020
Warning: Spoilers
A human achieves growth-state: maturity. During this period, the human is shown gesturing its arms in a circular motion. It is seen transferring itself into the interior of a constructed building. The human is observed turning its head to gaze upon selected objects placed within its view. Later on, the human individual watches an item that can be visually recognized.
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The Test: The Extreme Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 111
Season Finale
8 May 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Jonathan stands on a mountain top (roughly 905 meters elevation). Smurf ashes rain down around him. A hawk touches down on a nearby chunk of basalt. "You have a conference meeting in 20 minutes, John," the hawk squawks. "Tell 'em I'm gonna be late," Jonathan drawls, as he sits down with a massive headache and a sore lower back.
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The Test: The Bedroom Etiquette Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 108
A cinder block and a hiker
7 May 2020
Warning: Spoilers
A cinder block and a hiker cross paths. What I liked about this episode was the soundtrack. Had a couple choice Godsmack tunes. When the hiker asks the cinder block which way it is heading, the cinder block replies "Trying to get to New Hampshire, or at least pretty close by."
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The Test: The Animal Lovers Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 106
Expectable
4 May 2020
Warning: Spoilers
From the best episode to the worst. It is clear that the senior writers were on break for this episode. Karsten Criner has a homework assignment: take care of an egg. We've seen this plot device before. Needless to say, the egg breaks, and Karsten has to rush to the store to buy a new egg before his next class period begins. Things don't go smoothly. He fails the assignment. The teacher kills his body.
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The Test: The Debt Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 92
Enjoyed the Plot Development
4 May 2020
Warning: Spoilers
This episode is probably the best of the series. Gram decides to go to school, but it turns out to be not what he expected. All the other students are vampires. Gram joins them, but he doesn't do too well on their wrestling team. At the end, his mother has to come and kill his body to death. During the credits, Gram's mother is shown smooching the principal. Between kisses, he informs her that he is rich, and that he only works as a principal because that is his true passion.
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Lost Highway (1997)
10/10
Shadow of a Dream
24 April 2020
Troubled by a thought. This is the tale of a horrible ladybug (and other ladybugs). Murderer of innocent aphids. The aphids are just trying to live their lives. The dastardly humans help the ladybugs destroy the aphids. A cloud drifts past the scene. The cloud puts on its headphones, not wanting to listen to the echoing sorrows.
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Forrest Gump (1994)
8/10
Eggs on the Barley
23 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
The part where Bubba is running through all the different egg dishes with Gump. And eventually they both settle with eggs on the barley. That part just heats my heart up to death.
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The Test: The Party Guest Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 76
Milagro
19 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I shuffled up to a little mailbox. "Hello, Mr. Mailbox," I said, inserting a bowl full of sperm collected from around the village. "This is going to get you pregnant, Mr. Mailbox!" And indeed it did. Mr. Mailbox gave birth to triplets that winter.
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The Test: The Reality Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 74
review title
18 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I caught a pig huffing paint behind the barn. "Better be careful," I said, worrying and whingeing. I continued to fret for some time. Then the pig died, and I felt relieved, knowing that it would suffer no longer.
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10/10
Eyeballs Feel Like Dumplings
16 April 2020
Have you ever noticed that? I mean when you rub 'em. I just noticed.

My buddy Zeke Picard gave me a bottle of Zorth. Pretty good stuff. Made way for new cobwebs.

I like this video and song a great deal. This is good, I recommend it.
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The Test: The Gossip Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 73
Unfortunate Sacrifice
15 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
The Cologuard Box has been conscripted into the Vulcan Forces in a skirmish with the Romulans. The Cologuard Box dies in battle, and is mourned throughout the quadrant.
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The Test: The Cajones Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 70
Good stuff
15 April 2020
The first third took some time building up steam. But the second and third third really sell the plot and storyline. I recommend this one.
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The Test: The Flirt Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 66
Chain-link yarn
14 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
A couple of ambassadors are not supposed to give up the nuclear command codes. They are forced to do so anyway. Afterwards, they stop by Denny's for a Grand Slam breakfast. "That was pretty rough, huh?" says Dimitri. "Yes, it was," says Sergei, adding a shot of vermouth to his coffee out of his flask. "Can I have some?" says Dimitri. "OK, here ya go," Sergei replies with a smile. The waitress walks up, sees what they're doing, and habitually refuses to care.
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The Test: The Humility Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 59
Hand in your lanyard
14 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Gretchen Highpamper leads the charge against the Sleeper Bats. There are shades of Joaquin Phoenix's The Village when the helicopter crashes into Tim Stacker's hot dog stand in Soho. As the credits roll, we come to find that Poppa truly cared for Priest. The sun sets in the East in one of the bloopers during the credits.
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Holy Smoke (1999)
8/10
He Writhes
13 April 2020
Rust to dust. The desert has some fibers that occasionally appear like they would in a forest. I guess that part is not much different. That was my main thought process when Hooper cooked the quivering troubadour, anyway.
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The Test: The Forgiveness Test (2001)
Season 1, Episode 52
Unfortunate Reverie
13 April 2020
"The cause--something you never dared to be accomplished..." This episode reminded me of the Dionysian Rites. I had a friend named Helicopter Pilot Murph. I had to turn against him. His remainers did not understand the sacrifice I made to honor the Slime God. I had a Buick Enclave that had to be destroyed for the cause. I put a hedgehog in a Jeep and gave it the wheel. It drove that thing to Socorro. I had a brick farm that went under due to debt. There were a couple collectors that I put in a swamp. They survived. They killed my brick crops and they put a brand on my ass.
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