Reviews

Okay, so I stumbled upon two old TV spots for this film on YouTube and was curious about it and wanted to see it.

I went to eBay and then found a VHS copy of it being auctioned at a really low price, so out of curiosity, I placed a bid on the film, not really being bothered if I didn't win.

Turns out, I did win the auction and the film came today and I've just watched it.

Where do I begin?

It's very uneven and seems like the script was written by someone who works for a gossip column, scandal sheet or a tabloid.

There are just so many errors in it, from the casting of the actors (blue-eyed Denny Dillon as dark-eyed Roseanne?!?!) who for the large part look NOTHING like those who they are portraying.

There are many 'wtf' moments here, with the bizarre flashing forward-flashing back of scenes throughout and at times it seems like you're watching something which has no point.

Gossip, badly-written dialogue, errors all over the place.

You'd wonder why they even bothered with this, and what the actors thought of the actual production?

An unauthorised biography it may definitely be, but more to the point, it's hardly even worthy of having the word 'biography' in the title at all since there's so many inaccuracies throughout the film and the jumbled, jump-cut editing of scenes does nothing to help this.

Well, after about five years or so of waiting for this Movie to happen, I finally got to see it last Friday, August 20th, after work on it's Premiere night. I went for a 10:20 p.m. showing, and my Sister, who had never ever seen a "Piranha" Movie in full before, came along with me. It was my 'treat', lets say.

No, it really was, I paid for the tickets and offered to pay for any food, drink and/or snack items that she wanted at The Cinema.

Anyway, back to The Movie, itself.

I was so excited about it the whole night, I could not stop thinking about it. It was driving me CRAZY!!!!

Before viewing it, that Sunday or Monday night before it's release, I had made an attempt to watch ALL of The Original "Piranha" Movies, plus the various spin-offs, rip-off's and cash-ins that came along with them.

First one I started with was a little film from 1972, also titled "Piranha". It was no relation to the actual film Series of the same name(s), but I figured I'd give it a go anyway. It was so bad, I fell asleep half-way through it.

Next up was the classic 1978 film, "Piranha", with Bradford Dillman and Heather Menzies. It had been so long since I last saw it, that I'd actually almost forgotten how good a Movie it really was! A thourough enjoyment and a well-worthy re-watch!

After that, I skipped over a few nights from watching any more of these toothy Horror's.

On Thursday night, I watched "Killer Fish" (1979) (no relation to the films, but a good little thriller) and James Cameron's "Piranha Part Two: The Spawning, Flying Killers" (1981). Both good, scary and atmospheric films, with pretty good casts of well-known faces from Movies and TV of yester-year. *"Killer Fish" has: Lee Majors (TV's "The Six Million Dollar Man"), Karen Black ("Airport 1975"), Margaux Hemingway (Sister of actress Mariel Hemingway and a relative of the famous Ernest Hemingway), Marisa Berenson (from The TV Mini-Series of The mid-1980's "Sins"), Gary Collins (a TV personality and host), Roy Brocksmith ("Big Business") and James Franciscus ("Concorde Affair") in it. *"Piranha II" has: Tricia O'Neil (TV's "Dallas"), Lance Henriksen (a famed film actor, most notably of various American Sci-Fi pictures) and Carole Davis ("Mannequin").

Okay, okay, I know. So, the latter hasn't got the GREATEST cast in it, but none of these Movies do, just pretty good casts, with some well-known faces in them.

Then, on the following Friday afternoon, I started on "Piranhas" (1995), a re-imagining of sorts of the 1978 film, with Alexandra Paul (TV's "Baywatch") and William Katt (TV's "The Greatest American Hero") in the lead roles. It also starred: Soleil Moon Frye (TV's "Friends"), Mila Kunis ("Get Over It", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall") and Monte Markham ("Airport '77", TV's "Dallas" and TV's "The Golden Girls")

I had also intended to watch "Mega Piranha" (2009/'10), but didn't get to.

I was all geared-up for this film, but was a little disappointed with it. It was filled with mostly soft porn type underwater footage of girls with nothing on, cavorting with each other and then the Piranha attack sequences, however few, featured mostly nothing more than bad CGI fish, jumbled, close-up's of red splashing water and then cuts of these fake Piranhas faces.

The beginning with Richard Dreyfuss and then around the last ten minutes or so were the best parts and the ultimate lines, where it's revealed by Christopher Lloyd's character via radio that the Piranhas caught by The Sheriff were only babies, and then a giant Piranha jumps out of the water to attack - and presumably, kill - one of the films minor characters, were the type of scenes that made you jump and then nervously laugh at how it was 'just a Movie'.

Hopefully, the next one will be a better attempt.

So, this very strange and almost rather unusual film was on Irish TV the other night. I had read the brief description of it listed in the TV Guide earlier in the week and then on the day's paper. I had nothing else scheduled to record, so I though: "Why not? It might not even be on DVD" and I ran up to my room, got a blank DVD and popped it in, set-up the channel, appropriate recording time, etc. and got cracking.

Now, I knew there was a fairly British cast in this, having only heard of Beryl Reid (Beryl being a very English-sounding name) and then seeing next to it, Susannah York, who I had of course heard of before, I just for some reason got the impression that this might have been a more entertaining, middle-to-late 1960's American TV Movie Of The Week-type thing.

As it began, I quickly discovered that, it wasn't. Not in the slightest was it.

The picture was wobbly, it was INCREDIBLY dated and with Beryl Reid's line in the beginning of: "Jolly kind of you, thank you", or something along that matter, during the opening English afternoon bar scene, it was indeed a VERY typical English production. With a not-so-great, yet, not-so-bad Opening Credits and theme music introduction, consisting of Main Titles that were a little somewhat reminiscent of the American TV Drama Series of (primarily) the 1980's, "Knots Landing", "The Killing Of Sister George" began.

In what can only be described as a series of constant scene changes showing Reid's character make her way from a bar to her apartment, with the appropriate credit and titles sequences quickly flashing-and-disappearing on-screen as the picture changed for each moment of Reid's character making her way home, it showed a lot of what is typical of Ireland and Britain: bad weather, alley-ways, not-so-good-to-drive-on roads and a lot of dog walkers.

Then, oh wait, is that? YES, IT IS! Coral Browner's name appears on the screen as being a co-star in this film. In case you aren't an E.L.O. fan, Coral Browne was the voice of a character in the 1980 Universal Pictures/Electric Light Orchestra co-production of "Xanadu". It was commercial flop, but never mind that, on with "The Killing Of Sister George", I say! Intending to only stick with it for a few minutes and then head to bed, I ended up staying with it and I kind of regret that now. It didn't really enthrall or entertain me, to be perfectly and completely honest. I expected it to be a MUCH better film. Now, having said that, it's not all bad. The climatic, nighttime lesbian sex scene which involves York and Browne's character, was indeed shocking for it's time and still is a little for today, but I have seen much more intense stuff in 15A-rated films showing at The Cinema, etc.

It wasn't necessarily a good sex scene either. Both of the women's characters were fairly butch and it looked very uncomfortable and also very much a turn-off. It makes you look at women differently and makes you wish that the film wasn't nearing it's end so as something else could be done with the characters and make it seem better.

I thought "The Killing Of Sister George" wasn't going to be GREAT! Sadly, it wasn't and didn't live up to my honest expectations of what it should have been like AT ALL. Maybe, if it was an American production, it would have been handled better and have made for a better film. I would have done some recasting and have picked someone like Susan Clark for the leading role and have changed the characters to Americna ones and have set it in mid-1970's America.

That's just my opinion and I'm thinking of adding "The Killing Of Sister George" to my list of not-so-great late-night-shown films on Irish TV. in it, at the moment are: "Pope Joan" (terribly depressing) and "Disaster Zone: Volcan In New York" (oddly enough, shown the following night after this film).

When jewel thieves stash their loot at the bottom of a lake in Brazil belonging to a man named Paul Diller (James Franciscus - "Concorde Affair"), he finds out about it and decides to stock the lake with Red-Bellied Piranha, those vicious razor-sharp toothed killers found in the Amazon River to stop anyone from recovering the jewels.

As it turns out, the stolen jewels - emeralds and diamonds - actually belong to him and if he can't have them, he quickly decides that no-one can! When one man tries to recover the jewels, he is devoured by the fish. Along the way, his Brother and a scuba diver too fall victim to the Piranha.

It is at this point that Kate Neville (Karen Black - "Airport 1975"), one of the group of thieves, discovers that Paul is the one responsible for the lake being filled with Piranha after herself and Lasky (Lee Majors - TV's "The Six Million Dollar Man") witness one of the attacks and she runs to Paul's château and see's that he has many tanks of the Red-Bellied Piranha.

She tells no-one else, but they find out soon enough when many others fall prey to the fish and it soon becomes a race against time as Kate and Paul must team together to recover the stolen jewels and avoid becoming fish food for the Piranha.

Meanwhile, some guests at the lake, who are doing a magazine photoshoot also become involved in the Piranha attacks. Beauty Model Gabrielle (Margaux Hemingway - "Lipstick") and her agent Ann (Marisa Berenson - TV's "Sins") and photographer Ollie (Roy Brocksmith - "Psycho") encounter the Piranha during the film's climax when they all attempt to make it to shore after a tornado hits their boat on the lake and shipwrecks them on the rocks while the Piranha swarm around the damaged boat.

The film reaches a thrilling and twisting sequence at this point when everyone fights for survival and tries to make it onto shore with a share of the jewels for themselves. Some win, some loose, but either way, it's an edge-of-your seat action-packed finale!

First, there was "Jaws". Then, there was "Jaws 2". Now, prepare yourself for "Piranha"! After two teenagers mountain-climbing are quickly and smoothly eaten one night in a pond by a shoal of unseen fish with an appetite for human flesh, Maggie McKeown (Heather Menzies - "The Sound Of Music"), an investigative missing persons specialist, stumbles upon Robert Hoak's aquatic test and research facility and accidentally releases thousands of vicious altered Piranha into Lost River Lake Resort.

After one man is killed by the toothy killers, more people succumb to the predators and with the help of local Paul Grogan, they must race against time to stop the Piranha from reaching the ocean and spawning.

After the success and popularity with the release of "Piranha" in 1978 by Joe Dante and it's first Sequel "Piranha Part Two: The Spawning, Flying Killers" in 1981 by James Cameron, this Third (but definitely - not final) part in the Series was only natural. Marketed in some areas as a 're-imagining' (that's a posh expression used by Hollywood to discourage people from calling it a re-make) of the original film, this really does pay homage to the 1978 classic.

So much so that the filmmaker's thought it would be wise to use footage from the original Movie for certain scenes in this one, thinking no-one would notice. Well we did, at least I did anyway. Using footage from "Piranha" 1978 was a bad move. It makes the film look cheap and I was surprised that they did not use the original gnawing noise the toothy killers were heard making in the first two films. Think of the exact same footage of the Boeing 747 used in all of the "Turbulence" Movies.

But back to this film, released over here (Ireland) on DVD under the title "Piranhas", it slyly references the first two films at certain points, but make sure you are listening and do not miss these in-jokes. Upclose shots of the Piranha in the penultimate sequence of the film show, what looks like hand-puppets with no jaw movement, terrible fake yellow and black eyes that do not even blink at us and the fish change size throughout attack scenes.

With a decent cast that has Alexandra Paul (TV's "Paper Dolls") and William Katt (TV's "The Greatest American Hero") in the leading roles, plus Soleil Moon Frye (TV's "Friends") and a very young Mila Kunis ("Get Over It"), this 1995 film is worth checking out.

Real life stories and events from popular television-movies are spoofed in this outrageous comedy. Satin Chau (Morgan Fairchild) is a brilliant perfume mogul with a scent for money, power and fame. She's got it all, including a suave husband, Remo (Robert Goulet), a supportive mentor, Varda (Dyan Cannon), and a nose for what the public wants.

But tragedy strikes when she loses her sense of smell, and the only ones who can save her are two separated-at-birth-sisters, Velour (Ricki Lake) and Corduroy (Victoria Jackson). Now she must set out on a wild cross-country trek to reunite her family.

It's a madcap misadventure for the senses as Satin's always sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and sniffing out endless clichés, all which are "Based On An Untrue Story."

90 minutes, Color, 1993.

Making a sequel to "SPLASH" was not going to be an easy task, but was well done for this production. With it's catchy theme song and well-cast actors, this is a genuinely entertaining movie.

Stepping into the roles of Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah as Allen and Madison are then-newcomers Todd Waring and Amy Yasbeck. While Waring does resemble Hanks a little, maybe there's more Jim Carrey in there looks-wise, Yasbeck looks and sounds nothing like Dary Hannah, but gives a good performance.

Even though, over the years, this movie has gotten a lot of flack from reviewers and such, it is still worth a watch and deserves a viewing. I recommend it if you liked "SPLASH".

Just saw this for the first time tonight and I really enjoyed it! The flashback of Susan Olsen by Jennifer Runyon was sure strange though! Now, let's see for the cast:

*Florence Henderson was great as Mrs. Brady as before. *Robert Reed is still the same as before too. *Ann B. Davis as the wisecracking Alice returns, but this time, she is suffering from an unhappy Marriage. *Maureen McCormick still impresses me as the beautiful Marcia. *Eve Plumb is wonderfully geeky-ish as Jan. *Jennifer Runyon does quite a decent job at taking over the role of Cindy from Susan Olsen, who was unavailable for filming. *Barry Williams is in top-notch form as Greg, the movie's 'hero'-type character. *Chris Knight as Peter is now a young heart-throb and doing the hippidy-dippidy with his hot boss. *Michael Lookinland brings a new version of Bobby to the screen as Bobby is now racing cars against his parents will!

Oh, also, cast members from "THE BRADY BRIDES": Jerry Houser and Ron Kuhlman are added to the regular cast and both Wally (Houser) and Philip (Kuhlman) are facing problems of their own.

The story lines presented here are slightly more serious than those we were shown before in "THE BRADY BUNCH" and "THE BRADY BRIDES", but there is one hilarious moment where Philip messes up one of Jan's rug's by jumping up and down and stomping on the ground like a child, now that was funny stuff indeed!

All the great ingredients for a brilliant bunch of fun! I highly recommend this movie to all viewers as it is pure and natural comic gold.

A lot of the plots of this are just copied from the once-successful 1980's prime-time drama "Dynasty" and it's sequel/spin-off "The Colbys". This has ALL been done before! The wealthy family that are at each other's backs, the ruling patriarch of the local town and city (just like Blake on Dynasty), the angry son who is a lawyer and out for revenge (just like Adam on Dynasty), the random good-guy or two.

Plus, Donald Sutherland even resembles John Forsythe's Blake! He's in his, shall we say, mid-'60's or early-'70's, is tall, handsome and silver-haired. Honestly, stick with "Dynasty". Are there ANY new idea's for TV shows out there today? I cannot see this series lasting more than 4 season, 5 max!

This movie is brilliant. It's well-written, full of great characters, witty one-liner's and actually manages to keep you entertained. It starts out with a photographer setting up his camera equipment for a photo-shoot.

The camera pans around while the theme song, Paper Doll by Mark Snow, begins to play. We then enter the lives of The Blake's: Mother and Daughter duo Julia (Joan Hackett) and Taryn (Daryl Hannah) and the lives of The Caswell's: Dinah (Jennifer Warren - who returns for the 1984 series in the same role), Dinah's daughter Laurie (Alexandra Paul in her first role) and Dinah's husband and Step-Father to Laurie: Michael Caswell (Craig T. Nelson).

Julia and Taryn live in NYC, where Julia uses her daughter as much as possible for model-ling jobs. Taryn's agent is the cruel Racine (Guest actress: Joan Collins from TV's "Dynasty"). Racine manages to get Taryn a deal with Wesley Miles (Marc Singer) with whom he will make passes at both Taryn and Laurie.

At first, Taryn and Laurie are sworn enemies, but then they become friends, much to the anger of Taryn's mother Julia. Michael Caswell is unhappy about the fact that Wesley Miles is taking advantage of his daughter and Taryn also. So, he 'sorts him out' with a good beating. It is at this point that Racine drops both girls from her agency.

Taryn is forced to stay in model-ling in New York, under the control of her mother, while Dinah, Laurie and Michael return to their quiet hometown of Stonehurst. Taryn cries watching Laurie leave as Laurie was her only friend, and the movie ends with the theme song Paper Doll playing again.

The pilot for the series starts well with Taryn Blake still in the modelling business after two years and she is doing a photo shoot on a cold morning while Laurie Caswell and her mother Dinah return from Stonehurst to New York City and meet up with their old friends from before.

Laurie wants to become a model again, much to chagrin of her mother. Taryn Blake tries to commit suicide and Racine considers using Laurie Caswell for her modelling agency.

Jennifer Warren (Dinah) and Jeffrey Richman are the only two actors to reprise their roles from 1982. Everyone else has been re-casted.

Well, I finally got my copy of the movie today. Very old version of the movie with some mild sound and vision problems, yet this is marketed as an official release!!!! Anywhoo, as for the plot, there is an awfully large amount of stock footgae of British Airways Concorde's used.

The film is not necessarily a disaster movie per say, but more of a drama. The start of the movie consists of a Concorde taking a serious nose-dive into the ocean. It looks tropical. It is made to look as though everybody on the jet has been killed upon impact.

Some impressive effects (for the time - 1979!) were used and it looks quite good. After this, two fishermen pick up a girl in a life-jacket. The only survivor of the crash - Miss Jean Beneyton, a pretty young flight attendant played by Mimsy Farmer.

Soon after, Jean is captured by the guys responsible for the previous Concorde's fate, helmed by Joseph Cotten. Coming to her rescue is the likable actor James Franciscus as Moses Brody, a reporter. His wife (also a reporter) found out about the Concorde crashing into the ocean and was subsequently murdered to keep the event's quiet.

Finally, Jean and Moses come to know that another Concorde jet is next on the sabotage list and it is up to them to stop this next Concorde from having the same fate as the previous!!!

Important Film Details:

Violence: Some, mild. Bad Language: Twice, strong. Sex/Nudity: None whatsoever. Other: One mild reference to pregnancy.

*Please note: (The below text is taken from the Irish DVD Release). Some of this summary MAY be wrong:

Edge-of-your-seat chiller, in which The Legacy of an ancient Witch and her bloodthirsty coven causes a deserted island hotel to become the embodiment of evil two Centuries later.

When an inquisitive photographer (David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, Knight Rider) and his virginal fiancée (Linda Blair, The Exorcist) creep onto the island to research its gruesome history, they are joined by an unwit- ting estate agent and his prospective buyers.

Gradually the group find themselves falling victim to the ancient evil that lives on in the mysterious old woman who roams the hotel, seeking fresh victims for Satanic rites, human sacrifice and demon- ic possession...

Check in at the Witchcraft hotel... we hope you enjoy your SLAY!

Additional Info. on the movies contents:

Violence: Some gruesome, sexual violence - VERY STRONG!

Sex and/or nudity: Some strong, as well as innuendo.

Bad language: Some, strong.

Other: Some drug use and references.

Blake invites Matthew Blaisdel (Bo Hopkins) and his wife Claudia (Pamela Bellwood) to a dinner party at the mansion. Things do not go down too smoothly between the two rivals as they both fight over the dinner, make a scene and all round turn what was a nice quiet night into a circus of betrayal. Claudia is uneasy as she is now trying to start her new life over again with Matthew and their daughter Lindsay (Katy Kurtzman). After dinner, Claudia wander's through the house and stumbles upon Blake's study/library. There, she meets Blake's quiet son Steven (Al Corley). They get along well and find they have a lot in common.

Not a bad regular episode after the show's three-hour pilot episode. Blake must break off his honeymoon with his new beautiful wife Krystle as there are storms brewing up in Denver back home. Blake races back to his mansion on his private jet and must do all he can with support from his wife, his children and his lawyer, Andy Laird. They stay up all night long until dawn doing what they can. Blake's old friend, now turned rival; Matthew Blaisdel teams up with no good Walter Lankershim, but since Blake has the highest hand, Matthew and Walter end up losing to him as always. Matthew now promises a long fight with the Carrington's.

What an entertaining pilot for such a great and classic dramatic series from Aaron Spelling. In the tradition of "Dallas" and "Knots Landing", other American network's needed their own show, and so ABC released this onto our screens. At first, it seemed just a blatant rip-off of "Dallas", yes, I felt the same, but once you really watch it, it is anything but.

Sure there are some of the trademarks of "Dallas": *Two fighting families, the Carrington's and the Blaisdel's (basically the "Dynasty" version of "Dallas"'s the Ewing's and Barnes's), although after the second season, it really becomes all about the hyper-rich Colby's and the super-rich Carrington's.

*Not-so-well off girl marries into very well off family dynasty.

*Disputes from all sides in both families.

*Backstabbing, bitching, fighting and manipulation.

The list's are endless, but it all proves to be very entertaining. Give this series a go, you'll be hooked! Season 1 is on DVD right now from FOX.

Award winning James Cameron makes his directorial debut with Piranha II - The Flying Killers. Terror breaks loose in the Carribbean when two scuba divers investigating a sunken ship supply are attacked and killed by a shoal of Piranhas - the deadly, human flesh-eating fish of the Amazon. Soon it's discovered that these piranhas can fly, and are as lethal in the air as they are in the water! Could the answer be to dynamite the wreck, or are the risks too high? The fears and dangers of Jaws are multiplied ten thousand times by the terrors of Piranha II - The Flying Killers! Club Elisium may seem like Paradise, but just offshore a new breed of terror has been unloosed, and no one is safe from its savage, insatiable hunger. In the tradition of Anaconda comes a razor-sharp tale of mutant monsters from the deep, directed by James Cameron. While investigating the mysterious death of a diver, scuba instructor Anne Kimbrough makes a horrific discovery: Piranha-like fish with wings that enable them to fly, are responsible. As the body count rises, Anne desperately tries to convince the resort's manager to call off the annual fish fry on the beach - but he's determined to give his guests the ultimate ''feeding frenzy''. Packed with suspense, amazing special effects, and featuring a heroic performance by Lance Henriksen, Piranha II: The Spawning will drench you in waves of cold, biting fear.

Poltergeist is one of the most thrilling films ever made! Fascinating, frightening, as suspenseful as they come. This is high-voltage film-making at its compelling best ans Steven Spielberg presents the best in modern cinema.

Life is very pleasant for a California family until a host of other worldly forces invade their peaceful suburban home. It starts with just an odd occurrence or two, but soon their house is turned into a swirling supernatural sideshow. The forces at work are anything but friendly - and if the luckless family doesn't soon clear out, they'll all be swept off into nightmarish chaos!

If you have ever wondered what really happened to Norman's mother, Psycho IV gives you the opportunity to discover the truth! We can now have a grisly insight into how young Norman (Henry Thomas) came to commit the ultimate crime - matricide. But the film doesn't stop there - it also brings us bang up to date with Norman apparently plotting yet another horrifying murder. Anthony Perkins reprises his role as the adult Norman with Olivia Hussey starring as the catalytic Norma Bates.

A Smart Money Production Anthony Perkins Psycho IV The Beginning Olivia Hussey and Henry Thomas As Young Norman Bates Produced by George Zaloom and Les Mayfield Executive Producer Hilaton A. Green Written by Joseph Stefano Based Upon Characters Crested by Robert Bloch Directed by Mick Garris

Copyright 1990 by MTE, Inc. All Rights reserved. Running Time Approx. 92 minutes. Colour HiFi Stereo Certification 18's

Trivia: Premiering on The SHOWTIME Channel Network in America and receiving some special limited cinematic releases overseas's, before it was shown on TV, it was introduced by ex-shower victim form the original 1960 shocker - Janet Leigh Curtis.

This is a very powerful movie about the life and times of Joan Crawford, a fading movie star who decides she wants to have it all, everything must be perfect, but she was living in an imperfect world. She had been messed up since her childhood. One day while taking a stroll on a beach in twilight, she decides she wants a child. She has had SEVEN CONSECUTIVE miscarriages previously, so these have contributed to her sanity problems.

It seems she suffered from insomnia too, waking at four each morning, even in the middle of the night. She insisted everything be spotless, so much, she even cleaned her own house after her maid's and servants had done so minutes before. She had a severe case of O.C.D from this too.

Getting angry at dirt on the floor, etc. When she finally adopts her first child, a daughter named Christina, through a black-market scandal through her seedy lawyer-turned-lover. She is ''happy'', but not for long, she becomes greedy and wants to adopt every single unwanted child.

But the greed turned to horror as her sanity sunk even further in to depression, not to mention alcohol problems, insomnia, problems in the bedroom and the slow decline of her career. Joan developed phobias, such as not allowing expensive clothes to be hung on wire hangers, thinking her daughter was a slut because she thought she was prettier than herself. The list was endless.

What a release her daughter must have had though when Joan died. A nice breath of fresh air. She was free. She thought she and her ''mommie'' had bonded, but Joan had one last trick up her $40,000 sleeve - to dis-inherit Christopher and Christina from her will.

But Christina decided to get her own back once and for all, and rightly so, she spilled the story of the true Joan Crawford for all to hear - and rightly so, Joan thought that even in death, she had one, but Christina got the last word. And it's right here - in "Mommie Dearest".

WOW! What an AMAZING episode, it was the only one i was missing, until yesterday! It opens with a very sexy-looking Sasha Mitchell (as James) in a blue half-shirt in the gym at the ranch. Lucy enters and tells him that she does not like his daddy one bit. J.R. collects John Ross at the airport and tells him he's got a new older brother. He's not impressed. Cally tries to cheer him up later on, with no help from Lucy. Sue Eelln is apparently living happily ever after in England, while Miss Ellie and Clayton return home to some bad press. James gets Cliff's old office at Ewing, with Pam's old secretary as his, at his side. Ellie talks about James with Clayton. James and Michelle meet. Michelle moves in with Cliff. April tells Bobby she's gotten him a pick-nick basket, and they discuss marriage. The reason why Michelle is now living at Cliff's is because April has thrown her sister out! To which Michelle's response is: ''She is such a bitch!''. In the next show: Cally is told by Michelle she's having an affair with J.R.

The Colby's return from Denver and are all amazed that Fallon is back, but is now called Randall and has married Jeff's cousin: Miles! Things don't go too well between the new Californian dynasty, as the well-known among fans anyways! feud between the Colby men who have both sampled Fallon/Randall both feud over who gets to keep her! LoL. Jeff meets his cousin Bliss who is now all grown up. Jeff becomes very attached to his other female cousin Monica. Sable and Jason argue over Jeff getting The ColbyCo half from HIS elderly dying sister Conny. Conny phones Francesca to ask if things are okay back home, to which she quips back: ''No, Constance!''.

J.R. loses an important Ewing Oil file, courtesy of his mistress Julie Grey at Ewing Oil, she actually gave it to Cliff. This hits local TV Newscasters who have now gotten the info of what's in them, info on EO for the next six months and more stuff of that nature. Julie leaves the company after Pam forces her out! Occasionally, Julie apparently makes J.R. feel good by pleasing him sexually, Bobby tells all to Pam who is fast becoming the town's local ''Nancy Drew''. Later at the ranch, J.R. has to kiss Pam and tell he's sorry, however the kiss becomes quite passionate to Sue Ellen and Bobby who look on in horror. Lucy stands there laughing, and is so proud she suggested that they kiss. Just an ordinary day for the Ewings of South-Fork then.