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Brooklyn 45 (2023)
Disappointing.
If you want to create a movie that deals with the horrors of war, maybe you shouldn't bait and switch the audience into thinking they're about to watch a paranormal horror movie.
Not what I wanted to see. At all.
I went through this mess waiting for the payoff in the final act and was completely disappointed. I don't think the creators had any idea where they were going either.
I realize there are a lot of heavy themes in the film and that's fine but they pulled at a dozen threads and then left them hanging. They brought up a lot of questions and then told the audience to figure it out themselves.
The acting is good. The characters are interesting. But then the story...
The story begins with a lot of potential but it quickly derails. Is it a paranormal movie? Kind of. Is it a preachy one act play about morality and war? Kind of. Is it an unfinished ball of contradictions that ends with a whimper, definitely.
If the goal was to irritate the audience and leave them wishing they'd chosen a different movie, mission accomplished.
The Truth Will Out (2020)
Thoroughly unpleasant
This movie will leave you feeling queasy in a "watched your great auntie's first porno at the family reunion" kind of way.
The production is basic at best. Iffy sound, muddy visuals. I suppose one could consider that a blessing. The less you can see the better.
None of the characters are the slightest bit likable. You feel nothing but contempt for everyone in this mess. If they were going for "dregs of humanity" they succeeded in that much.
Dialogue is stilted and stuttering giving one the impression that the actors were expected to ad lib their way through without a script.
If you're like me, you'll wonder why you're doing this to yourself half way through and go find something else to watch.
Deadstream (2022)
Funny, enjoyable and rewatchable!
I enjoy the found footage genre so I've seen a lot of films that use this style. There are so many terrible FF movies out there, but this is not one of those. This is one worth seeing.
This movie is funny and engaging but also has some great scares. The main character is so great. He's likable, believable and you get invested in his story. The acting is excellent. The dialogue feels very natural and always believable.
The premise is simple but well executed. The production makes good use of the tech to further and enhance the story.
The special effects are well done and far better than I expected for a small production. They put on a top tier show.
Everyone involved in this film should be proud because it is a winner.
If you enjoy Found Footage at all you're going to want to see this one.
You won't regret it.
Dead & Beautiful (2021)
Why is this listed as a horror movie?
The horror of it is watching it and expecting something to happen.
The disturbing part was watching one character get manipulated into sleeping with someone. That was really creepy.
I knew I should have avoided this mess when I saw the premise.
J'ai perdu mon corps (2019)
Points for the animation
The story is nowhere near as interesting as the title would lead you to believe. Metaphor or not, it's dull and you aren't missing anything if you miss this.
Spookies (1986)
Hats off to the special effects coordinator.
Best summary of this movie I've ever heard, "There's no plot to get in the way of the story."
Saw "Spookies" on 'The Last Drive-In' and I'm glad I did because the show explained why this mess of a disaster exists and knowing what went on behind the scenes of this movie makes it easier to enjoy. (kind of)
The original movie was fraught with problems due to an overbearing executive getting in the way. After most of the scenes were shot, the director quit.
A different director eventually came in and shot entirely new scenes with different actors and a different story in mind. Then the new and old scenes were cut together in an attempt to create a single 'coherent' movie.
Did they succeed? I guess that's up to the individual to decide.
While the movie itself is a mess, there's no mistaking the talent behind the special effects. Solid, well done practical effects are the only consistent thing about the movie.
This was fun to watch as an offering from a hosted horror show but I wouldn't have watched this movie otherwise.
Two stars and they both go to the effects artists.
Horror in the High Desert (2021)
It's an hour and five minutes too long.
For some strange reason I have seen nothing but good reviews for this film and I have yet to understand why.
It's done in a true crime tv documentary style. There are interviews with the people involved interspersed with film snippets from the missing person's camera.
This is well executed and the actors are believable.
But that's the most positive thing I can say about the movie.
Is this a horror movie? I suppose if you've never seen one before you might consider this a horror movie.
Is it suspenseful? Does it draw you in? Is it scary?
No, no and hell no.
The entire movie could be cut to 15 minutes and the results would be the same.
In fact, turning it into a short probably would have improved it.
As a fan of the found footage genre I recommend giving this one a pass.
#Followme (2019)
This movie isn't worth your time
I'm honestly not trying to be unkind.
I like the cast. I think the actors are good. But this movie is dull af.
After watching what looked someone's home movie of their trip for 20 minutes I started skipping through it trying to find anything that might forward the paper thin plot.
Nothing. There's nothing until almost the end of the film then it's over.
I'm a little annoyed I took the time to watch it.
Dybbuk Box: The Story of Chris Chambers (2019)
It's like watching half a movie.
It really feels like watching half a movie.
At the point where every other horror movie goes to the next level and starts the truly weird stuff, this one ends.
There's nothing but the lead character narrating his actions, what he thinks, and the things that sort of happen, like flickering lights and temperature changes.
You'd be better off watching a ghost hunting reality show because at least they fake some action for you to watch.
Sin-gwa ham-kke: Jwi-wa beol (2017)
Fun, for sure but also heavy handed
There's a lot to enjoy in this movie. Big budget special effects, epic action, great characters, humor.
All the actors are excellent.
There's also a lot here if you happen to be looking for a reason to cry for an hour or so. Maybe too much, in fact.
The protagonist's story, laid out for us as he endures each afterlife trial, goes from intensely touching and poignant to over-the-top treacle and it's incredibly emotionally manipulative.
Other than that this movie is good and so are the performers.
Automata (2019)
So much wasted potential
The Good:
The cinematography is excellent.
The visuals are amazing.
The lighting is used to perfection.
The sets in the castle are magnificent.
The actors are quite good.
They did an outstanding job creating the centerpiece of the film: the "doll" itself.
Especially with the budget they probably had.
The story hooked me right away.
The Bad:
This story had so much potential but it was successfully avoided.
It felt like they went with the most salacious thing they could come up with.
Quite a pity because I was expecting a great deal more.
This could have been done a lot of different ways and avoided the exploitation.
Personally the film left me queasy.
It's more grotesque than 'horror'.
Would I recommend it?
Probably not.
Covenant (2018)
Three out of Ten
That's an hour and a half of my life I'm never getting back.
The Good:
Excellent use of space.
They must have saved a pile on location shooting because most of this takes place in an unnamed plot of forest.
They did a good job on the makeup and effects for the monsters for a B-movie budget.
The plot has potential.
The Bad:
The actors weren't exactly bad but they're not exactly great either.
Everyone is pretty stiff.
The lead guy isn't too bad.
The movie drags in the middle while they're slogging through the forest.
There are some obvious plot holes that you have to ignore because hey, it's a movie, so suspend your disbelief.
The story is laid out by the characters at the start and that is exactly what proceeds to happen, right up to the predictable ending.
Would I recommend this?
No.
Real Cases of Shadow People: The Sarah McCormick Story (2019)
How did this movie get a 6.6 rating?
First, the good:
I'm giving this a 4 star rating because I was in the right mood when I watched it and it gave me a few good laughs.
Now the Bad:
This feels like a road trip that someone convinced a production company to pay for.
A really long audition tape for three people, paid for with movie funding.
I don't fault them for that. But I DO fault them for advertising it as a 'found footage horror' movie.
I could edit out the five scenes that actually contain plot and this would be an amusing home movie.
The "road trip" portion of the movie is 95% of the film.
Don't watch it expecting something to happen.
You will always know when something plot related is about to happen because those are the scripted parts of the film and they're not good.
None of these people are actors but then neither am I so, kudos to them for going out there and doing what they love.
The film is a complete waste of time.
If you feel the need to watch it, start it at 15 minutes from the end.
You're not missing anything.
I'm not exaggerating.
Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (2019)
I'm a Hell House LLC fan so I'm biased but...
I can only give this five out of ten. I'd give it five and a half but there are no half stars.
The original Hell House LLC was an excellent indie film that I have watched many times. I highly recommend it.
Unfortunately, the 'curse' of the ever diminishing sequels is in effect here.
This movie actually has a lot of good moments.
I love found footage movies and I really enjoy the subtle scares they create.
Unfortunately the potential here is often sacrificed for the sake of clunky exposition.
I appreciate the desire to create a finale. An ending that would round out the trilogy. But they're trying too hard and it shows.
If you want to get technical this isn't really a 'found footage' film, although some footage from the original film was apparently "found" by one of the characters.
And how about that bit at the very tail of the film?
WTF was that even supposed to be? Footage of the afterlife?
"You're dead. We're stuck here." ... "Now it's time to move on."
Ok... wait, what?
Needless to say some of the dialogue is ... iffy.
The actors are good, except for the guy playing "Russel". He's kind of terrible.
Flat and wooden all the time.
Overall it's a good final installment for the series. I had hoped for more but at least it wasn't a disaster.
Here's hoping they stop here and don't beat the premise to death trying to cash in on the title.
The Hatred (2017)
A promising start with no follow through
The opening scenes of the movie do a great job setting up a backstory.
Brooding, filled with tense scenes and foreboding.
Cut to present day.
The rest of the movie is a cross between Scooby Doo and the Babysitters College Club.
There's a lot of wandering around with wine glasses and pointless dialogue. It's like watching the shopping channel, but they aren't selling anything.
There are fewer characters at the end of the movie so I assume things happen to them somewhere along the way. Whatever it is, it's quick, neat and tidy.
Long story short, this film is slow and dull and I think they forgot it was supposed to be a horror movie.
In closing, Andrew Divoff is too good for this film. He's the only thing about it worth remembering.
Iron Fist (2017)
Insomniacs rejoice! This will put you to sleep.
I'm almost convinced this show has a subliminal broadcast message that puts viewers to sleep.
Perhaps the idea was to hypnotize us into liking it?
Who knows what they were thinking when they cast this mess because there isn't a single likable character in the entire show.
It's just dull, dull, dull.
The people, places and what plot they toss in are all boring. Nothing seems to help.
Most of the time you're just waiting for something to happen. Then when it does you're left wondering why.
Do we really need another story about some random white guy with a 'super' power?
The answer is unequivocally NO.
Skip it. Just buy the comics.
No Retreat No Surrender (1985)
I've seen YouTube videos with better production values
If it hadn't been for Rifftrax, I would never have seen this steaming pile.
Sexist, racist, obnoxious in it's portrayal of humans as walking stereotypes, and a story a five year old might have put together with about as much continuity and depth.
It's sad to think people saw this mess as anything but a bad parody.
I realize 80's tech doesn't compare to what we have now but it still looks and sounds like it was filmed and recorded using a potato.
What 'story' there is, consists of the plot from any generic, low-budget, Kung-fu movie.
The 'filler' between the laughably choreographed fights consists of training montages, an attempt at a music video, some terrible characters being terrible, and lots of pointless, awful dialogue.
If you watch this movie without Rifftrax, you are wasting time that you will never get back. Don't do it. It's not worth it.
Bunker of the Dead (2015)
Well, I liked it.
I knew nothing about this title when I sat down to watch it and I think that made a difference.
I found this movie fun and funny but I'm glad I didn't see it in 3D. There's no way I could have avoided being sick. It was uncomfortable enough watching in 2D.
The nausea aside, the movie was a good B-grade zombie flick. And not just zombies, nazi zombies. What's not to love? You know those freaking Nazis, always messing with some 'super soldier' formula and making mutants.
And then there's the alien. The alien looks like a guy who got lost on his way to a costume party. XD It's perfect. Some of the zombies look really good. Excellent makeup. I love the "American" soldiers with the German accents. Or were we not supposed to notice that? XD
Most of the acting is kind of wooden but it works because the entire movie is like the play-through of a video game and the acting is about on par with that.
In the end you literally get to partake in beating up the final boss : Zombie Hitler. (Because you KNEW he was in there somewhere) Also included: Some excellent movie reference puns. (Downfall, Predator etc)
I really enjoyed it. Good ending. Thumbs up.
Iron Sky (2012)
It's definitely got humor!
If you can overlook some of the monumentally bad acting there's a lot of humorous parody to be found here. Nazis on the moon. That in itself is worth a laugh but then the whole place has been created and maintained by 1940's technology. (Which as we all know is easily integrated and updated with modern smart phones!)
It's got a lot for a modern B movie, Nazis, flying saucers, a ridiculous Palin-esque nutbag president, mad scientists and a little blacksploitation on the side. It's a bit schizophrenic but it's got it's moments. It didn't make me want to throw anything at the screen and these days that's a plus.
Dead Season (2012)
I've seen worse but not by much...
An extremely poor attempt at cashing in on the 'Walking Dead' phenomenon. There are no redeeming characters or qualities to be found here. "Tweeter" always looks like she just swallowed a bug and the people who are surviving on an toxic island with no steady supply of food are all overweight. Watching is like stumbling through a midnight forest in the dark as you jump from scene to scene. Awkward dialogue. And why didn't they just label the food "Soylent green" and make it a bit MORE obvious. Ha!
It's a good movie if you enjoy pointing out all the incongruities but other than that don't waste your time.
11:11 (2004)
One of the Worst I've Ever Seen
If you see this film in the TV listings just ignore it. If you're looking for something scary you'll be better off watching reruns of the X-Files.
Previous comments referencing the incredibly poor acting by the female lead are dead on. She is almost unwatchable. The sum total of her range includes 'whiny and scared' and 'whiny and not scared'.
I am the kind of movie buff who enjoys a good 'bad' movie. But this is ridiculous. There is no direction. The plot is as simplistic as the set of numbers they keep throwing at you and much like that set of numbers, it ends up having no meaning in the end.
Your time will be better spent if you turn off the TV and give your dog a bath.