Reviews

From time to time, people imagine other (beautiful) people fornicating like rabbits. Then societal norms usually require to embed these actions in a "proper" context.

In a well-known example of this, the German phrase "Aber warum liegt hier überhaupt Stroh 'rum?" is enough for that. But this lacks the "artistic" or "intellectual" checkmarks that need to be ticked for a film to be financed with 1,45 million Deutschmarks (at 1988 value) by the tax payer or favourably reviewed in "serious" newspapers.

So the script of this film adds a bunch of lines that feel like passwords in a spy movie: One character says something nonsensical, and then the other character immediately feels enough motivation to start copulating. This makes it feel like a writer's dream turned into moving pictures - where a doctor's attractivity does not stem from their socioeconomic status, but from a single sentence, easily imitable without having to study or work very hard.

The movie's plot is your run-of-the-mill "And Then There Were None" (1945) story line: Put some strangers in a box and see who will survive; not particularly good, but not bad either. The dialogue and acting is amateurish, i. e. a valiant effort by non-professionals, but still a constant reminder that you are watching a movie. The worst part is the acoustic and visual quality: The movie was filmed with video cameras with no external microphones and only "natural" lighting, and it looks and sounds as one would imagine that to be.

But for the purported budget of DEM 45,000 the product, a 90-minute feature film with a cast of half a dozen people filmed on location, is remarkable. I find it quite surprising that neither the director nor the producer seem to have to pursued this career much further.

However, my main motivation for watching the movie was the "Dienststelle Marienthal", the famous (and now decommissioned) "Ausweichsitz der Verfassungsorgane des Bundes im Krisen- und Verteidigungsfall zur Wahrung von deren Funktionstüchtigkeit". It is what gives the movie a very special flavour: Not filmed on some sound stage or in a warehouse, but in the actual place where in the case of a nuclear war 3000 people would have tried to govern the melted remains of Germany. In the movie it only plays a minor part and neither its size nor its mission are explored; but as "Marienthal: State of Emergency" is only one of three movies filmed there it is certainly worth to watch if one can ignore its quality issues.

What were they thinking? They have a *very* convincing bridge, a Picard who could be Stewart's twin, and then they manage to turn it into a disaster.

All scenes are lit from strange angles which turns a porn movie into a guessing game. Interestingly, in the 24th century all humans (except Picard's body double) boldly do not go bald - and that on a spaceship that is so clean that there are no toilets. Tasha's wig looks like they couldn't afford one that fits. And the sex scenes are just boring.

To me Star Trek was always a symbol for escapism, stretching the frontiers of imagination. And with that benchmark, this movie fails utterly.

Apparently, a series about "storm chasers" needed a ratings bump, so Discovery sent their Mad-Max-like vehicles with the combined eye candy of Adam and Jamie to a 747 for a wind test. After determining their abilities, they have the MythBusters build a carry-on cover for one human and test it. And that's it.

Where's the originality? The trials and errors? The little details in the builds that sparked your imagination? Or at least the "Jamie wants big boom" moment?

So, please, dear producers, don't think you can maximize your profits by saving on the expenses.

Sleepy Hollow is a wonderfully set film - you can feel what living in those ages must have been like. But two major flaws severely harm the movie.

First, Sleepy Hollow starts as a "detective story". You wonder who killed the victims, how and why. And while your mind imagines possible answers, the filmmakers retreat to the world of fantasy - no evil plan, clever tricks or any of that. It's like if in JFK, Oliver Stone would have made Superman be the killer.

Second, from time to time comical situations pop up. This totally ruins the atmosphere. You have Johnny Depp wandering around this dark place with a very serious facial expression, and the next thing you know, he is either standing on a chair for his fear of a spider or ridiculously splattering himself with blood.

Therefore, I'd rather recommend to you watching From Hell - or Police Academy.