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Some of My Favorite Movies
The Godfather Trilogy
The Indiana Jones Trilogy
The Star Wars Trilogy (original)
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
The Terminator Trilogy
The Back to the Future Trilogy
Schindler's List (It is the most moving and powerful movie I have ever seen and I am not ashamed to say that it caused me to weep openly)
Grosse Pointe Blank
Saving Private Ryan
North by Northwest
The Longest Day
Band of Brothers (mini-series)
The five worst movies I personally have ever sat through from beginning to end are as follows, with explanation as to why I actually watched them.
5 - Wyatt Earp My old roommate, who had no license or vehicle, begged me for two weeks to go see this. I felt at least twenty percent less intelligent after watching it and started looking for a new roommate.
4 - Godzilla Two hours of my life that I will never get back, plus Matthew Broderick in an action movie. I firmly believe that we will never be subjected to that again.
3 - RoboCop Funnily enough, I wanted to see No Way Out, which had a superb ending and a good, coherent storyline to it. My girlfriend at the time talked me into seeing RoboCop, go figure. I knew it was a violent over the top action film, and told her so, but she wanted to see it anyway. Well, she spent the whole time looking away from the screen and holding my arm in reaction to the gratuitous violence that was in the movie, and almost ran from the theater after it ended. It was not so bad because she learned her lesson about violent films, but that she learned her lesson about gratuitously violent films like this one. Plus, the movie was just plain bad.
2 - The Guyver This I saw on cable, but I still watched the whole thing. Why did I watch the whole thing? I'll tell you. I was sick as a dog, couldn't sleep, breathe or keep anything down, and it was on the first basic cable channel I came across that had a movie on, so at one in the morning, why not? I'll tell you why not. Because it was the only thing that could have possibly made me even sicker than I already was, except for number 1.
1 - It's Pat This is the absolute worst movie I have ever seen from beginning to end, hands down, period. It was the same night as the time I watched #2, and was on HBO, and I sat there dumbfounded at how bad this movie actually was. It was so bad that I couldn't stop watching it. Either that or I was too sick to move, or even close my eyes to avoid it. I felt as if at least half of my intelligence had seeped out of my ear and run into the ether. How, how, how did the worst, most idiotic, most poorly written and pointless character of all time from Saturday Night Live get made into a movie that actually was released to theaters nationwide? Everyone that had anything to do with this movie should have replaced all those from the fifties that were blacklisted and should never have been allowed to make another film, ever.
ck]Member of SexPressck]
Famous People That I Admire
George Washington Benjamin Franklin Abraham Lincoln Theodore Roosevelt Harry Truman Winston Churchill Dwight D. Eisenhower Maj. Richard D. Winters
Some favorite sayings
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
They say that masturbation causes blindness, but only when you are watching scrambled cable.
Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed.
There is a fine line between genius and stupidity. Genius has limits.
I am not insane. I am a sane man fighting for his soul.
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
What is left when honor is lost?
It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't.
Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.
Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
It doesn't do me any good to be proud because I'll start being happy with myself and then I'll stand still and then I'm old news - Pat Tillman, US Ranger
Ignorance never settles a question.
Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. - Winston Churchill
Clubs that I am a member of
President and Founder of J.A.S.O.N.
Just Another Stupid Outsider Nobody
Member of T.R.O.L.L.
Trolls Roll Over and Leave you Losers
Some past and future signature lines
Member of SexPress, and damn proud of it too I did an original sin...I poked a badger with a spoon How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you? aleoninc's #2 most hated, but working on being #1 Glad you got to see me again Damn the electric fence. Damn the electric fence. Spow Away From Boisers If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.
The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions. Dan Radcliffe needs an elevator first. Whip me beat me hurt me, but tie me up first, because I might not like it. This is Fluffy. He is the destroyer of worlds. Just because it sounds good in the garage doesn't mean America has to hear it. If you don't think you'll like my answer, don't ask the question. Black Gallagher doesn't go out like no punk bitch with a mallet! That's it, you're GONE! Could you describe the ruckus Sir? The enemy is at our doorstep! Who shall join the fight? WARNING: The following contains psychological nudity. What's up, baby? What's up, sluts? I'm going to break your fu^*ing head! You fu^*ing jerk-off!
You're a danger to both the dead and the living Its your fault. ITS-ALL-YOUR-FAULT! There are no facts, only interpretations. Maybe this world is another planet's hell. If you love God, burn the church. need to keep it runnin� baby Two threads sitting on a fence, named Pete and Repeat. Pete flies away, who�s left? How does someone like you even know about message boards? We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering You forgot I was a ninja, MUTHA FUCKA! I'd rather clean all the toilets of Grand Central Station with my tongue
than to spend one more minute with you. They have what it takes to be cops: badges It seems like anyone that meets JLo has a chance Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. I'm sure you are a decent, hard-working man when you are not sizzled with drink I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney that ride with Ted Kennedy! I can go to the pickle factory. They always need a brine tester. As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly Sorry, folks, the park's closed. The moose out front should've told you. No more yanky my wanky! The Donger need food! YOU NO PUT NO MONKEY ASS HAIR ON MY HEAD! I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America? When tevas, hackysack and Phish were popular it was one of the darkest periods in American history I put the 'laughter' in 'slaughter' Why the hell should I have to press "1" for English!? GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU LAZY EYED PSYCHO! Left is left, and right is right, but right is right, and wrong is wrong. Stewart wets his bed.....D'NUH! Post a new theory and watch how fast it gets turned into a discussion about Rupert Grint's ass. Beware the lollipop of mediocrity: lick it once and you will suck forever. I appreciate the Muppets on a much deeper level than you When swatting an insect, never do it while yelling "GET IT OFF!". I know what Bo don't know! Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam!? Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Alzheimer�s can�t be all bad. You get to meet new people everyday. Remember, Red Wigglers, the Cadillac of worms. Available in fine worm shops everywhere. I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smell. Kill the terrorists. Protect the borders. Punch the hippies. There is life after substance abuse. It's just not particularly fun. Losing faith in humanity, one person at a time. Is the government spying on paranoid schizophrenics enough? A L C _ H _ L - Sometimes alcohol is the answer
I did an original sin...I poked a badger with a spoon
How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?
aleoninc's #2 most hated, but working on being #1
Glad you got to see me again
Damn the electric fence. Damn the electric fence.
Spow Away From Boisers
If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker. The number of people watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
Dan Radcliffe needs an elevator first.
Whip me beat me hurt me, but tie me up first, because I might not like it.
This is Fluffy. He is the destroyer of worlds.
Just because it sounds good in the garage doesn't mean America has to hear it.
If you don't think you'll like my answer, don't ask the question.
Black Gallagher doesn't go out like no punk bitch with a mallet!
That's it, you're GONE!
Could you describe the ruckus Sir?
The enemy is at our doorstep! Who shall join the fight?
WARNING: The following contains psychological nudity.
What's up, baby? What's up, sluts?
I'm going to break your fu^*ing head! You fu^*ing jerk-off! You're a danger to both the dead and the living
Its your fault. ITS-ALL-YOUR-FAULT!
There are no facts, only interpretations.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
If you love God, burn the church.
need to keep it runnin� baby
Two threads sitting on a fence, named Pete and Repeat. Pete flies away, who�s left?
How does someone like you even know about message boards?
We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering
You forgot I was a ninja, MUTHA FUCKA!
I'd rather clean all the toilets of Grand Central Station with my tongue than to spend one more minute with you.
They have what it takes to be cops: badges
It seems like anyone that meets JLo has a chance
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
I'm sure you are a decent, hard-working man when you are not sizzled with drink
I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney that ride with Ted Kennedy!
I can go to the pickle factory. They always need a brine tester.
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly
Sorry, folks, the park's closed. The moose out front should've told you.
No more yanky my wanky! The Donger need food!
YOU NO PUT NO MONKEY ASS HAIR ON MY HEAD!
I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
When tevas, hackysack and Phish were popular it was one of the darkest periods in American history
I put the 'laughter' in 'slaughter'
Why the hell should I have to press "1" for English!?
GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU LAZY EYED PSYCHO!
Left is left, and right is right, but right is right, and wrong is wrong.
Stewart wets his bed.....D'NUH!
Post a new theory and watch how fast it gets turned into a discussion about Rupert Grint's ass.
Beware the lollipop of mediocrity: lick it once and you will suck forever.
I appreciate the Muppets on a much deeper level than you
When swatting an insect, never do it while yelling "GET IT OFF!".
I know what Bo don't know!
Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam!?
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Alzheimer�s can�t be all bad. You get to meet new people everyday.
Remember, Red Wigglers, the Cadillac of worms. Available in fine worm shops everywhere.
I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smell.
Kill the terrorists. Protect the borders. Punch the hippies.
There is life after substance abuse. It's just not particularly fun.
Losing faith in humanity, one person at a time.
Is the government spying on paranoid schizophrenics enough?
A L C _ H _ L - Sometimes alcohol is the answer
Some of my favorite Jason Morgan quotes - God, I miss Jason sometimes. He always made me feel so smart. But, of course he did that for most of us, so it doesn't really matter I guess.
well i am proud to be an idiot - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
my real name is Al Lord Katana - Jason Morgan 4/20/04
and by the way hitler was german not white - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
and i am not black i am half australian thats doesn't mean i am white white people suck dick they are *beep* up motherfuckers - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
bcz i have the power to take you out and i can - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
thats called an oxymoron jason, sweetie. do you know what that is? - blondedragon07
i dont know what it is and i donot give a *beep* - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
i dont wanna be your friend - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
and dtop saying you love me - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
shut the *beep* up you whore by the way if u wanna neuture me why dont u come to my house in france what about my family mansion in Italy or maybe the Lord Mansion in australia or my house in carlifornia what about my penthouse in chicago - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
hey i donot like to spell my letters like u guys bcz it makes me sick - Jason Morgan 4/10/04
being smart doesn't mean u have to show it i am smarter than anyone on this *beep* board - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
ok let me ask you if factor 8 of the masterminds handbook reacts with base 3 negative 2 of the criminal handbook what is the sollution - Jason Morgan 4/21/04
we just inherite money form our grandfathers - Jason Morgan 4/22/04
sopranos are about white people those guys dont even reach what a gangster goes through - Jason Morgan 4/22/04
i am not white i am hlaf australian half italain/american - Jason Morgan 4/23/04
and if i lost all of my money it doesn't matter bcz i would still have a bunch of millions - Jason Morgan 4/24/04
...NIGGAR is used to describe white people - Jason Morgan 4/25/04 [giveup]
well let me see whats on my mind nothin' just the fact that nothin' is on my mind thats whats on my mind the fact that nothin is on my mind - Jason Morgan 4/25/04
do u think i would fly in a plane with those white people i came in a jet - Jason Morgan 4/24/04
i am white bitch i am an idiot and i am proud atleast i ain't white - Jason Morgan 5/2/04
thanx adriane u really put the -ASS-in ASS'ISTANCE - Jason Morgan 6/13/04
My new favorite, rosebud200320 quotes
Well just a few days ago, (then again I could be just imagining things, and I do not think I can do this again anyway). I was in the kitchen, and there was a spoon on the counter, I looked at it, and it moved one inch, and I was NOT even trying to move it with my mind. (Then maybe I really did NOT move, maybe SOMEONE/SOMETHING else did). That is the only werid thing I can think of that I can do, but like I said, it will probably be a one time thing. - rosebud200320 8/22/04
I was not bother by the location of the hut either. I think the inclement of the weather thing could be true - rosebud200320 7/24/04
Harry Potter is NOT evil! He ran away, because if he did not then he would have been in big trouble, for blowing up his Aunt, (which she deserve).
Yes they do have a black kid in the movie, who happens to be Lee Jordon, the commenter person for Quidditch. Also they have a black kid in the third movie, in Professor Trelawneys class and also in the great hall, and I believe it is the SAME kid. Also they have house-elfs, because that is what the AUTHOR put in the story. - rosebud200320, unknown date
However, if YOU think "HARRY POTTER" is evil, then that is up to YOU. I do not think "HARRY POTTER" is evil. - rosebud200320 8/21/04
You are right and also romance too, because of the couple thing in school, you know the Victor Krum and Hermione Granger bit - rosebud200320 8/1/04
No I do not know the address for the clothing department for the "PRISONER OF AZKABAN" I am sorry. - rosebud 200320 7/30/04
As the Pensieve Swirls Episode 9http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330373/board/nest/7971856?d=8357731#8357731
As the Pensieve Swirls Episode 10http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330373/board/nest/8404174?d=8428312#8428312
As the Pensieve Swirls Episode 11http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330373/board/nest/8587421
As the Pensieve Swirls Episode 12http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330373/board/nest/9338566
As the Pensieve Swirls Episode 13[url]http://imdb.com/title/tt0330373/board/thread/10918304[/url]
I absolutely loathe the existence of only two users on IMDB. They are danharris627 and the ubiquitous "Jason Morgan", who pops up in so many different guises that I cannot put his pathetic ass on ignore. I am mad at nature for the simple fact that I have to share the world's oxygen supply with them both. Dan is a sheepfucking Welshboy, and Jason is addicted to soap operas. They are both pathetic as hell.
And, just because I can, here goes.
FUCK! SHIT! ASSHOLE! MOTHERFUCKER! COCKSUCKING ASSHOLE BITCH ASS! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! SUCK ME RAW!
My feelings, as an American, on the Iraq War.
I did not agree with, or support, our going into Iraq, even though I am, I guess, a Republican. However, it is hard to disagree with the facts that Saddam Hussein, and therefore the Iraqi government, was helping the terrorist groups in the Middle East. We all know he was, and that he is no longer a living person on our planet is something that does not bother me one bit. I do, however, see the economic reasons for why we did it as well. When you have an area of the world that is constantly in a state of upheaval, then the oil supplies have to be secured for the good of the world. When Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990, the entire world knew that he wanted Saudi Arabia as well, and if he had actually invaded and conquered Saudi Arabia, some thirty percent of the oil on this planet would have belonged to him. For this I blame the environmentalists and their reasoning that drilling for oil in this country is in some way an evil enterprise. These people claimed that the pipeline at Prudhoe Bay in Alaska would cause the extinction of the caribou, but the opposite has happened. The caribou are thriving, and their numbers have increased dramatically since the pipeline was built. The reason for their up surge, and other animals as well, is due to the pipeline being heated so that the oil can flow freely and not get coagulated in the pipeline. The pipeline is warm then, and the animals gather around it for the warmth it emits. When large groups of the same animal are together, they will inevitably begin to breed, which will lead to an increase in their numbers.
These people also go stark raving nuts when drilling in the ocean is talked about. When Hurricane Katrina tore through the Gulf of Mexico, a Class 5 hurricane BTW, not one oil platform even so much as sprang a leak, but nobody seemed to want to report that little bit of news. The hurricane went over several platforms and not one drop of oil was spilled into the water, not one. As long as these people have sway in the government of the United States, we will be dependent on foreign oil, and the problems in the Middle East will continue to be something that we have to deal with on an almost daily basis.
You know something? I hate working in food service. I have been in the restaurant business in some capacity for twenty years now, and I wasn't a misanthrope when I started, but I am now. As of 18 months ago, I am was assistant manager at Arby's here in Richmond but am a General Manager at a Papa John�s now, and I am growing to hate it with a passion that is just about indescribable. It is funny, and you wouldn't expect it in Richmond but the seven busiest Arby's in the world are in the franchise I used to work for.
Some of the dumbest things an Arby's customer has said, asked, or told me.
"I got this penny the last time I was here, and I want another one."
It was an old, obviously cheap, woman and she had gotten the penny, a scarred up one, in her change the last time she was in the place about three days before. I shit you not she wanted me to replace the penny with another one. She had actually held on to it for three fucking days and brought it the fuck back with her. I was so shocked, I almost burst out laughing at her, but I just reached in my pocket, took out the register draw key, and exchanged it for her. A fucking penny!? [angry5] Christ Almighty! I kept it too, and may get a hole drilled in it and put it on my work keychain just so I can show it to people and say "Here's the proof, this is the damn penny!".[eyes]
"Do you have roast beef?"
Yes, moron, we do. Unfortunately, this has happened more than once.
"What's good here? Do you know something I would like?"
No, I do not know what you would like, as I have never been, nor do I want to be for that matter, privy to your culinary preferences or your dining habits, moron.
"You used to have �blah blah blah�, do you still have it now?"
Hmm, if we "used" to have it, then that would infer we don't now, wouldn't it, moron?
At the drive-thru
"Can I get this to go?"
Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick! [eyes] No you can't. You order it at the drive-thru, then bring it in to eat, moron.
"Do you take credit/debit cards?"
No, we just put the sign up on the doors and at each register that show the MasterCard, Visa, American Express and Discover logos just for the fun of hearing that question fifty times a day, moron.
"Can I get a large sundae made with the fat free Light 'n Lively with wetnuts (walnuts soaked in maple syrup) and hot fudge?"
And this accomplishes what, moron? This is usually ordered by a tremendously, and I literally mean that she is a fucking HUGE woman that probably leaves my place of business and goes across the street to get a Diet Coke and a King Size Reese's Peanut Butter Cup as well.
The Different Types of Idiotic Customers and the Things They Do That Annoy Everyone at Work
The "Far away from the drive-thru window guy" - pulls up to the window, but stops at least four feet away, like the person that is working that station that day is fucking Plastic Man or something or has some sort of communicable disease.
The "Money far away guy" - Will set his/her money on the counter as far away as possible so that the cashier has to reach over the counter to get it. This person will also reach up under your nose to get his change back, but you really want to set the money down as far as possible from him in retaliation and make his ass lean across the counter to get it.
The "The last time I was here guy" - Usually starts by pulling me aside after he has eaten/gotten his order and spends ten minutes telling me about something that Arby's had or did the last time he was there. Usually it is something that hasn't been on the menu for an extremely long time or had been changed ages, and I mean ages, ago.
The "I don't know what I want, or what anyone else with me wants, but I am going to take as much of your time as I possibly can, and then I am going to change my order three times so that I can piss off everyone behind me that isn't an idiot because they already know what they want guy" - This one is self-explanatory
The "Wait while I dig for a damned penny guy" - Will spend days and days, months actually, digging in his/her pocket or purse so that they can pay for an item/order that costs, for example, $7.01 just because they don't want to get too much change back. You know what moron? I'll eat the penny just to get you the hell out of my face and not have to look at your cheap ass anymore today.
The "I used to work here and that isn't how it is supposed to be done guy" - And what? You think that maybe some things haven't been changed from when you used to work for this company ten years ago?
The "I only tell the person who is with me what I want guy" - This moron will usually whisper his/her order to someone that is with them instead of just telling the cashier what they want, as if the cashier will yell at them for ordering something. Oh, and they only order one thing at a time, instead of just telling their "friend/guidance counselor" what they want, and usually have to be prompted about six times by their �friend/guidance counselor� to tell them what they want. People like this make me wonder how long it took them to get the courage to leave the house that day.
The "Ask a million questions about the products guy" - Will ask what is on, or included, with almost every single item on the menu. Then, when they have taken up ten minutes of your life that you will never get back, they order one roast beef sandwich and a small drink. [angry5]
Some Answers That I Love Hearing In This Job
Q: Would you like anything to drink with that sir/ma'am?
Well, what the hell do you want then, or am I just supposed to make a best guess as to what you might like today?
Q: Do you need any sauce with your order today sir/ma'am?
Well, what type, dumb ass, or should I just give you whatever I feel like giving you today?
Q: Will your order be for here or to go today sir/ma'am?
Well, which one will it fucking be?!
Q: Do you have that new sandwich that Arby's is advertising on television?
And since it is advertised by Arby's, and you are standing in an Arby's at this very second, what would make you think that we WOULDN'T have that new sandwich, moron?
Well, now I have left the world of Arby�s (THANK GOD!) and am back in the pizza business as a manager which I spent over eight years doing before Arby�s.(It's Papa John's BTW) It is better, but it is still full of some of the same annoying, unbelievably idiotic people and the asinine things that they do. Things like these. Here is a list of don�ts for when you call and order pizza, or anything else, over the phone.
1) Don�t call from a friend�s house, let them call instead. The reasons for this are many, and here some of them are. You sound like an idiot when you have to turn away from the phone to ask your friend what their phone number and address is. Not to mention that the person on the other of the line from you is ready to reach through the phone and choke the ever loving shit out of you because there are other phones on hold, and people will bitch to high heaven about the hold time.
2) If you call from your house, know your own phone number, please, for the love of God, know your own phone number. I can�t tell you the amount of times that someone has called from their own number and not been able to tell me what that very important number is.
3) When you want to pay with a credit/debit card, try to remember that the number on the card has to be given to us before the order is sent out, not at your door. Have the card ready, not out in your car, in your wallet upstairs, or under the chair because you dropped it like an asshole that is too fucking clumsy to hold on to a 3X4 piece of plastic. Know where to find the expiration date, and especially know where to find the CVV security number as well. It is on the back of the card, in the signature strip, and is the three digit number (four on American Express cards) that is necessary for the card to get processed when it is not physically swiped in a credit/debit machine. I can't begin to count how many times I have had to tell someone what the CVV number is and where to find it, and then they still can't figure it out.
4) Know what you want before you call. If you haven�t decided what the five to twenty people at wherever you are located want before you call, you have no idea how stupid you sound when you hold the phone away from your mouth and can then be heard asking each and every person in turn what they want. Again, it wastes my time, and affects everyone else that is trying to order when it takes you all of eternity to figure out what everyone at your little fucking shindig wants to eat.
5) Know the address where you are having the delivery brought to. If you don�t know your address, then go outside with a pen or pencil and a piece of paper. First write down the numbers on your mailbox or house and then walk/bike/ride/jog/drive to the end/beginning of the street where that little green thing that is on top of a pole and is called a �street sign� is located. Write what the sign says down next to the numbers that hopefully you have written in the proper order, and then go back home, call us, and tell us correctly where you are located.
6) Don�t have a mailbox that doesn�t have the numbers of the address on it. That is how people, whether it may be pizza/Chinese food delivery drivers, UPS or FedEx drivers, or your relatives and friends, can find your home so much more easily. Also, if you have a black/brown/dark brown/grey mailbox post, don�t put brown or black letters on it, please, because at night when it is very dark, they are impossible to see or read. That is just a stupid thing to do.
7) Listen. How many times can you expect one person to recite the available specials to you before they start to get aggravated? That question �What are your specials?� gets asked by about 70% of the customers that call, but we will do our best to not sound irritated by that question, even if it is the fiftieth time we have answered it in one day. However, please pay attention. Don�t ask �What was the first one?� or just say �I�ll get the special then�, because we have told you about three or four of them. How are we supposed to know which one you are referring to?
8) Know who you are calling. That way you don�t ask for something that one of our competitors is selling. Oh, and Domino�s stopped the thirty minutes or less guarantee over a decade ago, so don�t tell me that you could get it faster from them, because I know more about our competitors than you do.
9) Don't, under any circumstance, after you have been on hold tell the person that picks up the phone and asks if they can help you, to hold. When you call someone else, it is extremely rude to ask them to hold because, see, you are the one that called in the first place. Also, re-read point #4 above. When you are on hold, and the hold message is telling you about the products we have then you ask everyone behind you what they want, you sound even dumber than the morons in the previous example. Why not just use the time you are on hold to decide what everyone else wants, instead of holding, and then doing it?
10) Turn on your GODDAMNED PORCH AND WALKWAY LIGHTS! I can't begin to tell you how many times I have gone out to take a few deliveries because we were busy and then almost tripped over somebody's kid's toys, shoes, a hose or something else that has no business being on the walkway or steps to the front porch.
11) Learn how to tip. Now, this is an old argument, but you people who do not tip have no ground to stand on. The drivers get, at least with the franchise I work for, 90 cents for every delivery they take. This is to help offset the costs of upkeep on their vehicles and gas that the drivers have to buy EVERY DAY! If you think that having to fill up once every ten days or so is bad at the prices we are paying now, imagine if you went through, at the minimum, a tank of gas every day. That $18 dollars for their twenty runs isn't going to cut it. The drivers make their money from the tips they earn, period. They do get an hourly wage, but it is not that much because they aren't required to declare any tips other than the ones on the credit card slips. If you are an extremely bad or, even worse, a non-tipper, the drivers really don't care if your pizza is late at all. These guys know who tips well and who doesn't, and they will make sure you get your order last out of their runs because why should they hurry to get it to you when it is going to probably cost them money to deliver it to you when all things are considered?
12) Keep your fucking dog either in the house, or in the pen. If it lunges, snaps, jumps up on, or in any way makes any kind of threatening move towards a pizza guy/girl, it is fair game and will be swiftly and severely kicked as hard and as many times as it takes to get it the hell away from the person that is trying to bring you something to eat so you don�t have to miss that stirring episode of Everybody Loves Raymond that you have only seen eight times.
13) We all know that Little Johnny or Little Mary is really cute on the phone, and that Gammy and Gampy love to talk to them on the phone all the time, but do not ever, under any circumstances, call somewhere and then let your three year old order. They have no idea what they are doing, do not even know what a phone number is, much less what theirs is, and they cannot even speak one coherent sentence that can be understood by anyone that answers the call. The only reason you may have to do this is if the three year old is more intelligent than you, which is probably the case if you do this sort of thing.
Things That Customers Have Said or Tried In Order to Get a Free Meal
The Most Arrogant Thing That I Have Ever Dealt With
This one is my all time favorite thing a customer has ever done to get a free meal. I swear to god this is accurate and complete in every way possible. It starts with the person demanding to speak to the manager, and I will pick it up at the part where I get on the phone with him. Now keep in mind that this occurred on one of the busiest, if not the busiest, Friday nights I have ever experienced in my entire life.
�Thank you for holding, this is Chris, how may I help you?�
�This is MR. Jackson and I want you to do something for me.�
�Okay, what can I help you with Sir?�
�First, of all, I am a regular customer of yours, and I have been ordering at least four to five times each and every week from ********�s Pizza for the last five years. That is just so you know who you are talking to tonight.�
(My eyebrows rise as I do the math in my head. Lets see now, 4-5 times a week for five years would equal out to 1040-1300 orders, which no single customer, other than a huge corporation, of any delivery place, has ever achieved in a little as a five year period, so I am pretty confident that this is, undoubtedly and unequivocally, bullshit)
�Ooookaaaay, so what can I help you with, sir?�
�Well, since my wife and I have been such loyal and dedicated customers of yours for so long, and since we are moving out of town tomorrow, and since we will never be able to have your food again since we are moving, then we feel our order tonight should be free.�
I take the phone away from my face so he cannot here my snort of laughter as I am trying to fathom how he can make this demand with a straight face, but he continues, after my response of course, which only comes after I have gotten my composure back and can continue the conversation, which I am only willing to continue in order to be able to see where it goes from then on. It now continues, unfortunately for me, and him as it turns out.
�I�m sorry sir, but I don�t believe that I can do that.�
�AND WHY THE HELL NOT! DO YOU REALIZE WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MONEY I HAVE SPENT IN THAT PLACE?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LOYAL A CUSTOMER I HAVE BEEN OVER THE YEARS!?�
Now, I am pissed, obviously.
�Can I get your phone number, SIR?�
�***-****�, which I put in to the computer system, and of course, shock of shocks, it tells me he has, indeed ordered 4-5 times, period, over the last five years
�Is this the number you always order from sir?�
�Of course it is, what other number would I use?�
�Well sir, I see here that you have ordered five times in the last five years, so I don�t think it is feasible for me to grant your request tonight.�
�WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT?! I ORDER FIVE TIMES A WEEK! DID YOU HEAR ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!?�
�Sir, I don�t think that someone that orders once a year is much of a �loyal customer� to me, SIR.�
Now, his wife is cursing at me very loudly in the background, and I am too pissed to hang up, because I really want to see where it goes now.
�So, you are telling me that you don�t care about customer loyalty, and you don�t care about my business either then, RIGHT?�
�No sir, but when you haven�t ordered in fifteen months, I don�t see you as being loyal at all, and I am just about through with this conversation.�
�SO, CUSTOMER LOYALTY MEANS NOTHING TO YOU THEN, RIGHT!?�
�Sir, the first customer who ever walked through the doors of this place still comes in here and he doesn�t get a discount, much less free meals.�
�DOES HE ASK?!�
�No, because HE KNOWS HE WON�T GET IT, JUST LIKE YOU WON�T!�
�WELL, SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY CARE NOTHING ABOUT REPEAT BUSINESS, I�LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE TONIGHT THEN! I�M ALSO GOING TO TELL EVERYONE WHERE I MOVE TO NEVER ORDER FROM ********�S PIZZA, EVER!�
He then slams the phone down and leaves me amazed at his complete and utter stupidity. Let�s see now. It is either a) I give you what you want and lose the product, and your ass never calls back anyway, or b) I let you go like any sane person would and don�t lose any product, don�t send a driver, who can be delivering to a paying customer, and not really give two shits in the wind about your attempt to rip me off. Nice try, and I guess Domino�s didn�t fall for it either, huh? Oh, and if you are moving out of town, what do I care if you tell people there to never order from us? It is a different town, moron! Oh, and when I told the owner about this conversation, he laughed hysterically all the way through the story.
The Most Pretentious Thing That I Have Ever Dealt With
The phone rings on Oct 13, 2006 at work, and it is 5 minutes to one in the morning, which is when we close.
�Thank you for calling Papa John�s at ******* **, this is Chris, how may I help you.�
�Yebbeb, thz z secury fo SO�def, and I need sombdy dlvr data in�t gt cited at seein� uh celebity.�
�I�m sorry sir, and I hate to say this, but I have no idea what you just said to me.�
�I SAID, I�S THE SECURITY FO� SO SO DEF, AND I NEED SOMBODY TO DELVR THAT WON�T GET �CITED SEEIN� UH CELEBRTY!�
�I don�t think anyone here will be very excited to see any celebrities, especially at one A.M. sir.�
�Oh, so you funny now? You�s gots jokes, huh?�
�No sir, you said you wanted someone to deliver that would not get excited at seeing a celebrity, and I am telling you that won�t be a problem at all.�
�U�s knows, I don�ts theenk I wants to deal wit� chu, becuze I don�ts like yur aitude.�
He hangs up, leaving me to ponder two things.
1) Who the fuck is So So Def(?) and why would anyone get all excited at the mere prospect of seeing them?
2) If he is the security guy for some group, that is so obviously concerned about their possibly meeting anyone they don�t know, why would he call somewhere and announce to them that the people he is in charge of keeping safe are where he is going to tell them to bring an order?
Some Idiotic Things Customers Say On The Phone
Q) Thank you for calling Papa John's at *****, would you like to try the Family Special today/night?
Then there is absolute silence on the other end of the line and I have to say something like "Well, what do you want today sir/ma'am." Jesus Christ, why not just say "No thanks, I want a large pepperoni" instead. Oh, I know why actually. You're an idiot.
Me answering the phone
"Papa John's at ****, I'm sorry we are closed.
Reply What do you mean you're closed?!
Well, what else would, or could, I possibly mean. This person usually will reply with a plea from hell that they just want one pizza and can I pleasssssse deliver them one, pleasssse? Hmm, let's see now. We close at 11 P.M. and it is midnight when you call and start whining to me, as if that will work at all. Also, the oven is off, the drivers are done and gone, everything is put away, and I am on the way out the door to go home. What do you think?
What do you mean I'm not in your delivery area?!
I mean exactly what I just said. You live too fucking far away and we don't deliver to you, end of story. And no, we won't deliver to a spot that you pick, like a parking lot or store that is in our delivery area, and that is due to safety reasons.
Some of the types of people I have to deal with in this job
The �I talk too low for anyone to hear me then scream at the top of my lungs when I get told that� guy � This guy will speak with such a low voice that it is impossible to comprehend what he is saying at all, and then will scream and almost burst your eardrum when he is told for the fifth time that he cannot be heard, no matter how many times the volume button on the phone is pressed in a vain and futile effort to get the volume just a bit louder so this idiot can be heard.
The �The last time ordered there was a problem guy� - This guy will try anything, and I mean anything, to get a free pizza. Usually it starts with him saying such and such was wrong the last time he ordered, and when his phone number is entered, there is not only no order from the supposed date, but a lot of times no ordering history at all. Then he will get really angry and try to intimidate you with a threat to call the office and get you fired. Nice try, moron.
The �Why don�t you deliver to my street guy� � Sometimes this guy will live just barely outside of the delivery area, and I can see his question as being legitimate, but most of the time it is some asshole who lives in a crack den infested neighborhood that even S.W.A.T. teams avoid like the plague. Tell you what, druggie, move somewhere a little safer and closer, and then we will see what we can do about getting you that pizza so you can satisfy your �munchies�.
The �Too drunk to fuck guy� � This guy is so drunk, so hammered off his ass, that he orders a pizza and then promptly passes out and does not, because he is not physically able to, answer his door. Usually he calls at right about closing time as well. So, it sets us all back when the last closing driver has to go five or so miles away and stand there and beat on the door for ten minutes while trying to wake Stump Jumping Jethro up from the drunken stupor he is on the floor to get him to the door. This guy really should just have gone swimming and saved the rest of humanity from his presence.
The �Make sure I get my discount guy/girl� � This is always someone that works at one of the other stores or shops in the same shopping center/strip mall as the restaurant and has unfortunately been told, again, unfortunately, that the people that work where they do, get a 50% discount just for the fact that they are in the same shopping center/strip mall. These people will tell you five times where they work, and then at the end say �Don�t forget my discount� about another eight times. They will even, eventually, try to get the discount when they are not working and then sometimes when they want a delivery to their homes. Now, the thing that gets me is that when one of us goes to their store for a haircut, or a six pack of sodas, or a bit of Chinese food, we don�t get a discount at all and are required to pay full price. Now, please tell me what is wrong there?
The �My children are starving woman� � This is always a woman, never a man. This woman will call up and bitch to high heaven that it is five minutes after the delivery was �supposed� to have gotten there, and that her �children are starving!� By looking at the address, I can see that she is in a $500,000 house that probably has two Mercedes-Benz sedans in the driveway. I just want to tell her that children in Somalia and Ethiopia are starving, not your fat little piggies who are running around hell bent on causing as much destruction as possible, who have all that energy because they just ate an entire bag of Mini-Snickers and drank a Vault soda.. She doesn�t have peanut butter and jelly in the house to keep them quiet for just a few minutes? I swear one day I am going to call Juvenile Social Services and tell them that the children at that address, according to their mother at least, are �starving�.
The �I ordered over an hour ago guy� � This guy will call and rant that he ordered over an hour ago and that he wants a discount, or a free order, for having waited so long. Almost every time he calls, it is just an attempt to get something free. When we put in your phone number, it tells us everything about you, from the first time you ordered up until now, and it will show me that this guy ordered about, oh, twenty minutes ago. He will then get puffed up and start screaming at me, call me a liar, and I will calmly tell him that the computer is the one saying it, not me. Invariably this idiot will hang up and curse at the poor driver who goes to his house and rave for a few minutes before slamming the door in his face with no tip. This guy is an asshole, completely and totally, every day of his life, enjoys it, and probably goes and tells all his �friends� at work about how he set me straight when he gets there on Monday morning.
The �Lots and lots of noise in the background guy� � This guy calls from some ghetto house or apartment that has about ten kids in it that are screaming at the top of their lungs and the television turned up so loud that the only other thing I can hear on the phone is the stereo that is blasting the latest, and most wretched ghetto gangsta� rap ever recorded in all of human history. He will also hang up angrily with a loud �FUCK YOU THEN ASSHOLE!� when he is told for the fifth time that it is impossible to hear him or understand what he is saying due to the exorbitant amount of noise that is drowning him out. If he would just turn down the stereo and television, there would be no problem, but unfortunately for the rest of us, not everyone is blessed with common sense..
The �Can I look through your quarters guy� � Believe me, there are a lot of these guys out there. He will come in during the afternoon, never at night because seven is bedtime, and is at least seventy five or more years old. He will also ask you to open the cash drawer and take out all of the quarters and let him dig through them so he can find a Nevada or Nebraska one to make his collection a little more complete. How about, um, err, no? Dude, it is a damned quarter, and it is worth exactly, and only, twenty five cents. Just because they are being made now so that they represent all fifty states doesn�t mean they will be valuable at some later date, because they are making literally millions of them. The reason the coins from 150 years ago are so valuable is because they are, get this now, RARE! Besides, even if by some chance the new U.S. state quarters do become valuable, he won�t be alive to see it happen, which anyone with an ounce of common sense knows
The �I�m from *** **** and this is not how it is supposed to be done guy� � Now, before I begin, let me say that I have met and know a lot of people from New York City, and like them as well, but this person is almost always from New York, and will tell you twenty times how much better not just the pizza, but everything else in New York is, as opposed to here in Richmond. Well, there are planes and trains that go to New York from the airport and train station here every day, and I-95 runs straight from Richmond to New York and can be accessed easily by the moving trucks. Besides, I don�t remember extending you an invitation to come here anyway at the last �Good �Ole Boy� meeting I attended.
The �Did you bring me a pizza guy?� � This person is the bane of the existence every person that works in the restaurant industry. I cannot even begin to think of how many times I have gone into a gas station, supermarket, fast food place or some other location and had either an employee or another person who is there ask me this. It pisses off not just me, but every other person who has been asked this as well, and here is why. Since I did not receive any notification from you that you would want a pizza, and the fact that I do not know, or care to know you on any level whatsoever, and the fact that you are not, no matter what you may think otherwise, the first person to ask this of me, then what do you think the fucking answer is?
The �My child just threw up guy/girl.� � I fucking hate these people, who almost always are white trash pieces of shit. Their two year old kid, who is probably sick from the beer fumes oozing out of mommy�s pores and the second hand smoke from the three packs of Marlboro Reds that daddy smokes every day, will puke green, unsettled jello all over the floor in the front of the store. Sometimes, but rarely, the parents will clean it up, but never, not once, not once in a million years, has one of these parents actually apologized for what just happened. The ones that actually do clean it up (10% at the most) will actually wipe it up with a handful of napkins, and then try to give the vomit infested napkins back to me, as if I want them as a souvenir or something. Tell you what, next time little Johnny or Janie starts to hack, drag him out to the curb so he/she can vomit there, just like daddy at last year�s family reunion.
The Dysfunctional Family Feud Champions � These people are just what I called them. They come in, and almost every single time they have a thirteen to sixteen year old with them, and if it is a girl, it is infinitely worse. The mother does the ordering, which induces �daddy�, or the guy that has on the dingy grey wife beater who the mother is mistaken to believe may be a father figure, to assault her verbally for ordering what he �don�t like�. Then, the teenage girl will go after him for changing the order to what she �don�t like�, and the poor mother has to pull out her money or debit card to pay while �daddy�, or the guy in the dingy grey wife beater that the mother is mistaken to believe may be a father substitute, sits down and drinks the ice cold Coke he makes her buy after she has already paid.
The My Pizza is Cold guy/girl � This person I hate. I mean it. I actually, literally, wholly and completely hate this person. The reason is this. They order at, say 5:30, but don�t come to pick it up until, oh, 8:15. He/She will stick their entire hand, palm down, on the pizza and announce, with a loud �UH UH, NO!�, that their pizza is cold, usually followed with some sort of murmured comment to their friend who is standing with them at the counter. They then get mad and say something like �I aint�s gonna� pays fo� �dis shit! It�s be cold as hell!� Well, let�s see now. You ordered a large pepperoni at 5: 30, and it has been two hours and forty five minutes since you ordered. Yes, we have heat lamps, but they are to keep items warm for a short amount of time, not for almost one fifth of the time we are open for the day. Next time, try showing up within thirty minutes, you jackass. As long as you get to us before eleven thirty, you can still get to 7-11 for that fo�ty of Icehouse to wash it down before falling into bed so you sleep it off before getting up early at eleven the next day.
The My order had blah blah blah blah wrong with it and what are you going to do about it girl/guy � Now this jackass is the one that calls up with some minor, and I mean minor in capital letters, problem from the night before and wants to know �What are you going to do about it?� Usually it is something like the pizza had a �little too much sauce� on it, or �not enough green peppers� or something that is not even a minor, minor issue of infinitesimal importance to the rest of humanity, but is obviously a major disaster to this asshole. If it was good enough to eat last night, then why the fuck should I replace it for free the next day?!?!
Some Things I love Hearing At This Job
Q: Will you be paying by cash, check or card tonight?
A: Can I use a debit card?
A: Do you take/Can I pay by check/s?
No, I just asked for the hell of it, moron. (Have you noticed a trend here at all?)
Q: Do you deliver to me?
A: I don�t know.
Let�s see now. I don�t know who you are, where you are, let alone have any idea what part of town you may even be in, so how the hell do I know when you ask like that?
Q: Do you have pepperoni?
Has anyone ever been to/ordered from a pizza place that didn�t have pepperoni? It is only the most common topping other than cheese, which leads me to the next idiotic question.
Q: Is cheese included, or is that extra?
A: No, it is included.
I shit you not, this is asked more times than you can possibly imagine.
Q: Do you deliver?
Now, this is a different question than the previous, yet similar one. This jackass is asking if Papa John�s delivers, period. Has he never seen one of the commercials that run on network television that state very clearly that Papa John�s does, indeed, deliver? The answer is probably more than a little obvious, don�t you think?
Q: How much is a large pizza?
A: It depends on what you get on it, sir.
This guy has no idea that when you order a pizza, the prices vary based on whether it is a specialty pizza or how many toppings he orders.
Q: Do you have pizza there?
What I really want to say is that we have it next door.
Things I wonder about my new puppy, who is driving me crazy, by the way.[help]
Why does he go outside and pee, then come inside and crap?[sad2][angry10]
Why does he like to curl up between my feet when I am using the bathroom?
Why does he want to lie in his bed with only his ass in it, with the rest of his body lying on the floor?
If he doesn't like getting stepped on, why does he try so hard to keep getting under my feet?
If he doesn't like hitting his head on the underside of the table, why does he keep getting under it and then jumping?
When I give him a bath, why will he stand in the bathtub forever and not shake himself off, but when he gets out of the tub he does?
Why does he seem to think that there is a secret escape pod in the bathroom, or any other room that I go in and then close the door behind me?
If I could cast or re-cast some of the characters from the Harry Potter movies, I would use these actors. And yes, I know that they probably won't, or didn't, get the roles. And I also know that some of the characters weren't, or may not be in the movies at all, but it is my dream cast, so there.[tongue]
Albus Dumbledore - Peter O'Toole http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000564/
Lord Voldemort - Bill Nighy http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0631490/
Severus Snape - Tim Roth http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000619/
Barty Crouch - Michael Caine http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000323/
Barty Crouch Jr. - Paul Bettany http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0079273/
Lucius Malfoy - Bruce Payne http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0668271/
Minerva McGonagall - Charlotte Rampling http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001648/
Narcissa Malfoy - Natascha McElhonehttp://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001523/
Nymphadora Tonks - Sophia Myles http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0617009/
Marvolo Gaunt - Pete Postlethwaite http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000592/
Rufus Scrimgeour - John Rhys-Davies http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0722636/
Ludo Bagman � Colm Meaney http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000538/
Mundungus Fletcher - Eric Idle http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001385/
Kinglsey Shacklebolt - Colin Salmon http://www.mi6.co.uk/sections/articles/images/bond_21_mi6cast4.jpg
Bill Weasley - Shane Brolly http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0111274/
Igor Karkaroff - Erwin Leder http://www.erwin-leder.com/galerie/target0.html
James Potter - Jack Davenport http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0202603/
Lily Potter � Ione Skye http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001746/
Sirius Black - Stuart Townsend http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0870204/
Remus Lupin - Damian Lewis http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0507073/
Horace Slughorn � Ian McNeice http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0573862/
The Prime Minister (HBP) � Ian Holm http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000453/
Luna Lovegood - Anna Popplewell http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0363771/Ss/0363771/32A.jpg.html?path=pgallery&path_key=Popplewell,%20Anna
Bellatrix Lestrange - Saffron Burrows http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004787/
Gilderoy Lockhart - Hugh Grant http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000424/
Fenrir Greyback � Ray Winstone http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0935653/
Morfin Gaunt - Mackenzie Crook http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0188871/
Alastor "Mad Eye" Moody � Kevin McNally http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0573618/
Merope Gaunt � Claire Forlani http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001231/
Peter Pettigrew � Paddy Considine http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0175916/
Tom Riddle Sr. � Cillian Murphy http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0614165/
...to be continued
Harry Potter Theme Songs
van Halen "Running with the Devil - Bellatrix Lestrange's theme
ZZ Top "Got Me Under Pressure" - Harry's theme no. 1
Bachman Turner Overdrive "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" - Harry's theme no. 2
Pink "Trouble" - Fred & George Weasley's theme
Sheena Easton "Sugar Walls" - Hermione's love theme for Ron
Tool "Triad" - Harry and Voldemort's final fight theme
The Beasty Boys "Sabotage" - Wormtail's theme
The Cult "Lil' Devil" - Ginny's theme
Buffalo Springfield "For What it's Worth" - Neville's theme
Eddie Grant "Electric Avenue" - Lee Jordan's theme
The Cult "Medicine Train" - Madame Pomfrey' theme
The Cult "The Phoenix" - Fawkes' theme
AC/DC "Problem Child" - Draco Malfoy's theme
Judas Priest "Breaking the Law" - Lucius Malfoy's theme
Rob Zombie "Living Dead Girl" - Moaning Myrtle's theme
U2 "All I Want is You" - Ron's theme for Hermione
Queen "We Will Rock You" - Dumbledore's Army theme
Blackfoot "Train, Train" - Hogwart's Express theme
Glenn Frye "Smuggler's Blues" - Mundungus Fletcher's theme
Warren Zivon "Werewolves of London" - Lupin's theme
J. Geils Band "Freeze Frame" - Colin Creevey's theme
The Stray Cats "Stray Cat Strut" - Prof. McGonnagall's theme
The Rolling Stones "Sympathy for the Devil" - Voldemort's theme
Billy Squire "Everybody Wants You" - Fleur's theme
Led Zeppelin "Dazed and Confused" - Trelawney's theme
The Who "The Seeker" - Harry's Quidditch theme
Slade "7 Year Bitch" - Pansy Parkinson's theme
Oingo Boingo "Dead Man's Party" - Nearly Headless Nick's theme
Fine Young Cannibals "She Drives Me Crazy" - Luna's theme
Don Henley "Dirty Laundry" - Rita Skeeter's theme
Spin Doctors "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" - Hermione's theme
The Tubes "White Punks on Dope" - Dudley's gang�s theme
Tom Petty "Runnin' Down a Dream" - Snape's Occulemency theme
Rob Zombie "Dragula" - Snape's theme
van Halen "Beautiful Girls" - Parvati and Padma Patil's theme
Norman Greenbaum "Spirit in the Sky" - James and Lily's theme
Alan Parsons Project "Sirius" - Sirius' theme
Queen "Another One Bites the Dust" - Whenever a Death Eater is taken out
AC/DC "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" - Crabbe and Goyle's theme
U2 "I Will Follow" - Ron's second theme for Hermione
Queen "Fat Bottomed Girls" - Madame Maxime's theme
ZZ Top "Sharp Dressed Man" - Lockhart's theme
The Eagles "Witchy Woman" - Aunt Petunia's theme
Elton John �The Bitch is Back� - Bellatrix Lestrange�s theme
Ozzy Osbourne �No More Tears� - For when Harry has finally had enough
You know you are a child of the 1980s when...
You remember Don Johnson when he was "cool".
You know who shot J.R.
You remember when Michael Jackson was actually considered something of a sex symbol.
You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows.
You owned at least one skinny leather tie.
Your first Walkman weighed 10 pounds and was the size of a brick.
You wore L.A. Gear tennis shoes.
You know the meaning of Wax on/Wax Off.
You're always "in the mood for dancing".
You can "See Better" with sunglasses that have paint splattered all over the lenses.
You can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you.
You need a shopping cart to carry your personal stereo with you.
You remember what Michael Jackson looked like before the surgery.
You went roller skating every Friday night (not to skate, but to 'hang out').
You still want to take Karate...after you move to California.
You watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well, they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure".
You think that Garbage Pail Kids are your children's worst enemy.
You had a poster of Bo, Luke & Daisy Duke.
There was nothing to question about Bert n' Ernie living together.
The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.
You went out and purchased the sound track for 'Miami Vice'.
You remember the magazines of song lyrics.
If you think Hulk Hogan is the best wrestler of all time.
You think the best non-slasher movie in your opinion is An American Werewolf in London.
Two words: The Clapper.
Six words: "This is your brain on drugs."
You want to live in 'the Valley'.
Ferris Bueller was your idol.
You watched 'Star Search' on a regular basis.
Every now and then, you blurt out: "Ooh noo�Mr. Bill!!!".
You had an entire wardrobe of Esprit clothing, or coveted one.
You know all of the words to the "Oscar Mayer" theme songs.
Your bangs are teased perfectly to 7 inches above the rest of your hair.
You have multi-colored earrings that touch your shoulders.
You played Upwords, Boggle or Trivial Pursuit (the original) on a rainy afternoon.
You wore lace gloves with the fingers cut off, bangle bracelets up to your elbows, bright red Reebok high tops and parachute pants to a school dance.
You're still bitter that WHAM broke up.
You know whose phone number is 867-5309.
You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to.
You still watch things on Beta tapes.
You have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts.
You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eye shadow and feathered bangs.
Everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent.
People are constantly gagging you with spoons.
You know all the words to "I'm just a bill, sitting up on Capitol Hill" and "School House Rock."
The feeling in your thumb is only now just returning after holding down the Atari joystick to control the racecar in Enduro Racer.
You still can't believe that Milli Vanilli was deceiving you all that time.
You can sing all the words to "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head, and now you understand that it is about chess.
You still wear a bandana tied around your leg and/or a ponytail off-center on the side of your head.
You know who Martha Quinn is.
You still carry your boom box on your shoulder.
You think David Hasselhoff was awesome in Knight Rider but sucked in "Boob Watch."
When you saw the luge at the Winter Olympics, you poured water down your driveway and tried it yourself.
A piece of folded paper and two hands could tell your fortune.
Knickers and leg warmers were cool.
You ever wanted to learn to play "Stairway to Heaven" on the guitar and choreographed "Dancing Queen" by yourself in your room.
You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's
Tiny Creatures (2020)
If it is a dramatized production of an 'animal's story' then say so. It is really a soap opera of how an animal faces all these 'dangers' in its environment yet it is all setup and blatantly, hilariously fake. If you want a nature show, watch anything by David Attenborough. If you want your young kids to have a cute show to enjoy, let them watch this. It will not traumatize them the way a real nature documentary possibly will, if your kids can't handle life.
Historical Roasts (2019)
I do not like giving one stars to a show I have not watched completely, but....
I have to here. I got through half of the second show and just gave up on it. It is just not funny. Period. To me at least. And I love Dave Attell's stand up. But this show is the worst kind of funny. It is forced funny. The audience is expected to laugh because of the jokes as they are written, not how they are delivered by the 'comedians', which is lamely. A funny joke can die by its delivery, and an otherwise unfunny joke can kill by its delivery. It is almost as if there should be an old school LAUGHTER sigh flashing on the screen like sitcoms used for years. I wanted to like it, I really did. But it is not funny and I would not expect Netflix to do another season of this.
The Flash (2014)
Ran past the shark and kept going
This show has not jumped the shark, it has run past it at light speed. This season is just plain awful. The new characters are just not interesting at all and the Nora character is not even to the level of useless. Annoying, whiny, pitifully written, just like Iris in the first season with her incessant whining and moaning. I will be surprised if it is renewed for season six. It is like watching a six year old try to act as a 25 year old character. Nora has the emotional depth of a teaspoon and lo and behold, is on the show due to...wait for it..TIME TRAVEL!! AGAIN!!!. Has there been a season they have NOT used time travel?
Finally DC/Warner Bros has made a character other than Wonder Woman interesting. their issue has always been Batman is Batman, everyone knows him, Superman is Superman, everyone knows him. Aquaman has always been a joke as far as characters go but in this he is awesome. Even the villains have a reason for their acts, not just to be bad just to be bad guys. DC needs to do what they are doing now. Make the second tier characters (yes Wonder Woman is part of DC's trinity, but still a far third to Batman and Superman) special and save the big guys, Batman and Superman, for Justice League and team up movies. Aquaman hit on so many levels too. Fantastic visuals. Great action. And even a tight story without being overly dark. Well done DC, well done indeed!