Reviews

I watch a lot of science-fiction but none of it is more far fetched than "Billions." It's absurd. It's nonsense. It's annoying in buckets. I now watch exclusively for Paul Giamatti, who is always worth watching. The rest of the show makes "Star Trek" look like a documentary. It's a cartoon. Like "The Walking Dead" 5 seasons ago, it needs to wrap it up already, hopefully with the lead as some zombie's dinner.

This episode epitomizes everything that is wrong with the show, the annoying pop culture references, the even more annoying pop culture cameos (holy cow is Neal Katyal terrible in this), the aimless wandering of Maggie Siff's once proud character, Damian Lewis's awful New York accent and his character Bobby Axelrod going wherever he wants, including strolling into a private meeting in the New York Attorney General's office. This show is ridiculous and if you buy any second of it, I have a dragon to sell you.

It's long past time to drop the axe on Axe and wrap this once proud show up.

In the general scheme of things, I suppose this show could be rated higher. I mean, there are worse shows on the planet. But, I give a wide berth to HBO programs and I expect a lot from them in return.

The pedigree of this show, besides being from HBO, the people involved in writing and producing, all of that raised my expectations and for so far missing their mark, I have to rate them accordingly. For Kelley and Kidman this has to be some sort of low point. And for Hugh Grant? Was he phoning it in or just trying to look innocent for the first 4 episodes?

The writing is hackneyed, the plot structure is non existent, the courtroom scenes are so embarrassingly bad they'd look more appropriate in Woody Allen's "Bananas." And the acting kind of aligns with all this mediocrity. Overly melodramatic, easily predictable and, well, just meh. Honestly, I couldn't care less who actually did it but, of course it was Grant all along. Kelley gave us no one else who was a plausible murderer. Except, maybe Grant's defense attorney, who was so bad at her job that one might think she was trying to kill her client.

This show basically pointed the finger at one suspect after another for four weeks before returning to the guy we know did it all along because, well it had to be him. It was stupefyingly mundane, uninteresting and miles behind other recent Kelley creations like "Goliath" and "Big Little Lies." The fact that it has an 8.1 on here and the worst, disastrous, awful final episode has a 9.6 demonstrates how people will swallow anything while in quarantine. AT least it's not hydroxychloroquine.

WARNING - SPOILERS GALORE FOLLOW! If you haven't seen Game Of Thrones Season 8 Episode 5, don't read the following.

There is a problem when TV shows get a little long in the tooth. That problem? The audience. Viewer fatigue is a real thing. People who have been watching something for seven or eight or nine years have viewer fatigue and it plays out in the following ways.

#1 Everyone has raised their expectations. If pure brilliance doesn't follow, they are disappointed. After all, they've been at this, committed a chunk of their time, for nearly a decade. Even if brilliance DOES follow, they likely won't recognize it. They're just worn out from eating so much delicious TV. They're bloated.

#2 Everyone has expectations. Yes, besides raised expectations, they have plain old expectations. They have sold themselves a series of theories as to how things will turn out. They have bounced those theories off other fans and absorbed the theories of those other fans. And, when things don't play out the way they expect? You guessed it, disappointment follows.

#3 Thanks to the advent of the internet, these fans now live in an echo chamber where the slightest disappointment, "the show was too dark," multiplies geometrically and, before you know it, expands completely out of all proportion. "Too dark" becomes "impossible to see," "I couldn't see anything."

FYI, I saw "The Long Night" just like the rest of you. I saw it twice. At no time did I feel it was too dark. At no time did I miss anything important. Are your TV sets that bad? Not only could I see, but my second viewing convinced me it was one of the most gorgeously photographed, moody, beautiful, artful episodes of television that I have ever seen.

Now, on to "The Bells." For almost ten years we have been rooting for Daenerys. We love her. She was the underdog that overcame; a victim of rape and slavery that freed the victims of rape and slavery. She promised to free the world from the grip of tyrants. And, suddenly, unexpectedly (well, not completely), she has turned into a tyrant, herself. People are angry. Yes, even though the internet had theorized for weeks that Dany would turn bad, when she did, they were apoplectic.

Chief among the complaints? That her turn was so sudden. "Bad writing" moaned countless people who, themselves, can barely spell, let alone write creative fiction. Let me illuminate you. First, she's a Targaryen, an inbred family whose last patriarch, her dad, was insane. So, yeah, maybe she is, too. Mental illness is inherited. That's pretty much all you need right there. And, presumably, the mad king didn't display his madness from day one. So how hard is it to believe Dany suddenly snaps? Does everyone who shoots up a school live a life of craziness? Why do people often say of mass murderers - "he was a quiet man." But, let's continue.

Though her beginnings were difficult and we warmed to her quickly, she became a vicious mass murderer. She has killed thousands. She crucified hundreds of slave masters, burned her enemies alive, ordered the deaths of too many to count. Her only response to the murder of her brother, her only known living relative, was a disinterested "he was no dragon." She even locked two people in a safe for all eternity. Cruel and unusual punishment is okay by her. And she has been threatening to burn all those who oppose her, to conquer all with "fire and blood" for almost the entirety of the show.

So, yeah, no surprise here. But, let's up the ante even more. In the last few weeks she has lost everyone she could count on. Every one of them. Her "children" the dragons? Two of three dead. Her oldest friend, Jorah? Dead. Her closest advisor Missandei? Dead. Her hand Tyrion? Untrustworthy and duplicitous. Her advisor Varys? Tried to kill her and turn the kingdoms against her. Her love and closest ally Jon? Rejected her AND he's the rightful heir to her throne. She can trust no one. Sees her lifelong dream slipping away and she's a mass murderer descended from an insane king. Yeah, color me not shocked she went on a blood thirsty rampage.

Next. Cersei's death. Saw a "critic" (isn't everyone a freaking critic these days) complain the death was not worthy enough. Worthy? Cersei, the most evil, murderous, monster of the show was expected by all to be killed by her younger brother Tyrion, because of prophecy. Or maybe by her other barely younger brother, and love, Jaime. At the very least, she would be killed by Jon Snow or Arya Stark or Daenerys. Or Sansa, who just last week bemoaned not being able to watch Cersei get executed. Or someone, anyone. And we expected it face to face. But it wasn't and she wasn't. She was buried under a pile of rock clinging to her love Jaime.

And it made lots of sense to me. You know why it made sense? Because NO ONE predicted it. What is Game of Thrones if not unpredictable? They gave us the death no one saw coming. Good for them. Feel unfulfilled? Cersei's dead. Be grateful.

Now, those are the complaints. Pointless complaints. Whiny, nit picky, internet fueled complaints. What about all the good stuff? All the delicious morsels of TV goodness?

There's the amazing scene between the Lannister brothers. "If it wasn't for you I would have never survived my childhood. You are the only one who didn't treat me like a monster. You were all I had." If that didn't move you, nothing will. The Hound-Mountain battle we were all waiting for? We got it. The dragon as F-18 taking down the gate and those evil scorpions? Applause worthy. Arya's journey? Wow. If you say you weren't on the edge of your seat for those 20 minutes, you're lying.

If you take the time to really watch the episode carefully, you'll see just how amazing it was. First of all, no coffee cup! No darkness to complain about! But, seriously, folks, the effects? This is a freaking TV SHOW! It looks like a widescreen major motion picture. Marvel movies don't look this good. Nothing looks this good. And it's a freaking TV show!

No other episode I have seen, with the exception of The Red Wedding, was so disturbing, so unsettling, that I wondered if I can watch it again. Talk about effective. It took me four years to re-watch The Red Wedding. Sunday night I was shaken. I woke up the next morning actually depressed over it. The hero I had rooted for over almost ten years? I now want to see her tossed into the sea. I mourn the loss of my hero. The show has shaken me to my core. As I said, effective! No wonder you're all bummed. You've lost your mother of dragons and you want to moan. Stop whining. Appreciate how a TV show can turn your emotions on a dime, stomp them into jelly, create a nasty, nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. Bad writing? Let's see you do that.

BTW, The Red Wedding is actually called "The Rains Of Castamere." Before the Starks are butchered, the musicians play the song with that title. Last night, as Dany torched every last Lannister in sight, guess what theme played? Did you notice? Detail, folks. You're complaining about the forest and missing the trees.

Shows end. If there were 20 more episodes you'd either complain they ran out of ideas or you'd still cry that they seem rushed. Late in the run of a show, everything contracts. It has to. A show expands the universe early on and then it all comes to a point, to a resolution. Well, that is unless it's written by J.J. Abrams. And then you'd cry about the lack of resolution. Suggestion - enjoy what you've got while you've got it. Only one episode left!

The same thing happened to the other best show of all time, "The Sopranos." Everyone whined about the ending. Everyone complained the last season was no good. Here's an idea, if you truly hate it, stop watching. Or, why not go out and write a #1 TV show of your own? You all seem to think you know what good writing is. Just stop whining, already.

Finally watched American Sniper. Now I understand the backlash against this film. While it's very competently filmed and acted, it completely whitewashes the main character, who was, essentially, a mass murderer. There is no nuance in the script or portrayal of Chris Kyle, apparently a man without any gray areas. And it overlooks the obvious irony, that he was, in turn, killed by another gun toting mass murderer. Then there's the issue of whether bringing a psychotic to a gun range for "rehab" is such a good idea. Clearly not. And it ignores the fact, as most of the media has, that someone else was killed that day besides Kyle.

In all, the film will make you root for the "good guys" without raising any questions about whether they are all that good. It completely misses a great opportunity to delve deep into the issues of soldiering, mental health, gun culture and PTSD. I expect more from a great filmmaker like Eastwood.

Saturday Night Live won't have much trouble parodying this movie which had my friends and I grabbing our sides from the non-stop unintentional laughter it produced.

From start to finish, almost every scene is laugh out loud funny. Most of the acting, save Freeman and Butler, is appalling. Though Ashley Judd is fine and, to her advantage, mercifully killed off a few minutes in to this laugh-fest. Bassett has absolutely nothing to do, except sit there looking like she's thinking, "Didn't anyone remember to write me some lines?" Foster plays the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs as if he's got dementia. "I know I put that code book somewhere." And one actor in the war room, I won't insult him by mentioning his name, so hilariously over acts throughout that you'll be reminded of Johnny from "Airplane." I was waiting for someone to ask him what kind of plane was attacking, to which he would reply, "Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol."

Then there's the plot. Really? There's a plot? Something about some evil vaguely North Korean villain from a Bond film and his American traitor pal wanting to punish America for its excesses and Wall Street and, I don't know. What I do know is, apparently, it takes the Marines 15 minutes to get to the White House when it's under siege. "Hey Brad, do we turn left on K street or Pennsylvania?" And it's fine for enemy planes to enter our restricted airspace since the $750 billion we spend on defense doesn't, apparently, account for any weapons capable of shooting down a single rogue aircraft.

So, with the nation's Marines, Army, Air Force, Secret Service and capital city's police force unable to save us, we turn, as we so often do, to the efforts of a lone, down trodden hero. In this role, Butler saves the movie from completely devolving into a series of WTH moments. But, you half expect him to run into Bruce Willis along the way. "You go that way, I'll go this way, and I'll meet you at the bad guy's lair."

Butler and Freeman do their best but Freeman looks to be wondering, "my god, who wrote this tripe?" Which brings us to the writing. Woody Allen couldn't have done it better, though he tried with "What's Up Tiger Lily." The dialog here made about as much sense. During the fight scenes you could almost hear them shouting, "Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Turkish Taffy." You do get the usual serving of clichés. Navy Seals approach the White House in helicopters. "Five minutes. I want a clean deployment." As opposed to what? The usual haphazard deployment? Then there's some beautiful Monty Python-esque comedic timing. Freeman is warned it's a trap but he won't abort the rescue operation. After five of the six helicopters are destroyed he hollers, "Abort!" Um, wait. You couldn't have given that order four helicopters ago?

Melissa Leo, a terrific actress, terrifically miscast as a sort of drunken Secretary of Defense, tells the bad guy she'll never give up the codes. The president waits until she's been beaten near to death and then says, "I order you to give them the codes." She should have replied, "Now you say that?? Now?? Next time, how about you order me to give them the codes before they knock my teeth out?" And, about those codes. Apparently they'll blow up nuclear missiles across America turning our nation into a vast wasteland (small detail, self destructing the missiles would not set off a nuclear explosion). The bad guy is forcing the codes out of the three people he holds hostage. But he's good enough to force them out one every thirty minutes. A bad guy needs to build suspense.

So, don't bother to bring your belief with you. You'll be suspending it so much, it's hardly worth the effort. Nothing in this movie approaches reality in any way shape or form. None of it could ever happen. But do bring your comedic improv skills, as hilarious bits will pop into your head from start to finish. Maybe even share some of them with the audience in Rocky Horror-like fashion. As a drama, I'd have rated this a zero. But, as a comedy, it gets a ten and that averages out to 5. It's funny as hell and, we should be grateful that Hollywood has finally turned out a terrific comedy for 2013, unintentional or not.